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Noone leaves me notes anymore... I feel like shit. I want to go home now... I don't care about loans. I just want to go home and have my mom hold me and say everything'll be okay... and I want to work so that I can buy a new computer, since mine died... and I want to go to Josh's house and laugh at him when he gets drunk
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(stop reading if you're going to be irrationally upset or if you "just don't want to hear it")
you'll never learn by running away.
you want to get out of mississippi?
you will get NOWHERE by not learning how to deal where you are.
you've already made up your mind to go back, so you're letting yourself fail classes. fine. but if you ever want to get out, like it has been mentioned on so many occasions, doing this won't get you anywhere.
also, finding yourself is your problem. we can't find you; we see you as you present yourself to us.
experiencing life to the fullest means living it up and loving it where you are.
the "best of situations" doesn't ever happen. i don't care what you say about msms; you know fair well that you had struggles just like this when you were there. memory may ease those thoughts, but you know it was like that then. if you can never learn to be happy anywhere but your parent's house or anywhere in a 5 mile radius of them, then you will either spend your life there OR you will be a very unhappy adult.
(oh, guess what? i live in my office. and make $500 a month. to cover everything. i live in west philly...the worst part of town. and i was lied to before i moved here. i've disappointed almost everyone who knows me. and i work with people who don't bathe and who get all their food by dumpster diving. that looks a whole lot like a situation that *should* suck monkey ass. and it looked really horrible sunday night. and monday morning. ask sze; he and i talked sunday night. but i'm finding ways to cope. you have it far easier on your hill...but coping is a personal issue and not one that anyone else can fix for you.)
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And on a different note, because you can and have been able to cope does not mean another person can in the same situation. If you want a personal example: I am a 21 year old cancer survivor. I have been shot, stabbed twice, had cancer at the age of 12, lost my left leg, watched 16 people now close to me die, had my wife leave me, end up locked up in a hospital, I've been broke, I supported myself through college, I took 22 hours while working three part time jobs, I am originally from the south side of Detroit (probably comparable to west philly), my Mom used to be an addict, my new step-dad was an abusive alchoholic, and I've been in a domestic abuse shelter more than once. Cry me a river. I cope, just like everybody else does. I now have heart problems and strange health problems that pop up sporadically. Once per year, I get to go have two days worth of tests. I get to find out if the aches and pains I have so frequently are going to kill me, or if it's only from the amount of stress my body is put under. If I get good news? I still spend the rest of the year trying to pay off the tremendous medical debt I get from *JUST* the copay on my insurance. Do you know how often I complain about it? I complain about it only whenever self-righteous assholes decide they have it so bad and take it out on other people. I'm 21 and I don't know if I'll see 22. I have already died once, and have electrical burn scars where they brought me back in a sort of... unorthodox manner, but I'm not complaining, because I'm still alive. When I'm 22, next month, I will wonder if I'll see 23. Be thankful that you, at least, have your health.
The point is, I didn't have a chance to grow up. At 12, I just suddenly had to be grown. I made the decisions about what would be done healthwise in my life. I *made* the decision to cut off my legs, because my parents couldn't do it and left it up to me. I could have kept it, but it would have never worked right and I would have always needed a crutch. You don't know how hard that is, any more than I know how hard you are struggling in West Philly. That is not the point. The point is, I respect Brandi's problems. She has mental fuck-ups similar to my own. It makes it hard to get out of bed sometimes, and I can completely sympathize with that. It isn't easy, but it's just one of those things you have to learn to deal with. It isn't your, or my place to tell her when and how to do it. If she's given the luxury to have time to learn, then fucking so be it. She is luckier than some of us. It isn't your place to criticize her for it.
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What you say, may be true, but it's also everyone's choice whenever the are ready to stand up in the face of adversity.
you know what prompted this, though? because i hear from brandi, through words and actions that she wants to be able to stand up for herself. that she wants to know where she stands so that she can deal with her life. so when i hear those things, i form the opinion that brandi wants to be able to find the strength in her life (but it doesn't always have to be within her) to stand firm. but whining and making no attempts at coping or changing aren't getting her anywhere. *that's* what provoked this. i mean, pity from us is not helping her learn to find her wings.
Some of us have had it forced upon us, and others are given the opportunity to choose. She will spread her wings whenever she's ready, but if she doesn't, that is her choice as well. There is no shame in being happy with where you're from.
first off, everyone has to start somewhere. learning to deal with a difficult roommate is a good place to start, imho; doesn't matter if that roommate is your sister or some random shit, either. always running back to the arms of mom won't teach you how to do anything. also, when someone expresses the desire to be able to fight it at least a little bit, then offers nothing, that's a contradiction. and not something to be praised.
nothing wrong in being happy where you're from. but if you ever want to happily live somewhere other than there, you have to learn to deal. i'm happy to visit clinton...and i have many good memories of clinton; but it's not very high on my living list, since i've learned to cope in other places.
The point is, I didn't have a chance to grow up.
i didn't toss in my past on purpose. and i won't add it in here. suffice to say, i had to start being my own parent when i was 7 or 8.
It makes it hard to get out of bed sometimes, and I can completely sympathize with that. It isn't easy, but it's just one of those things you have to learn to deal with.
and i don't respect how she feels? you know what's more depressing than being depressed? being able to predict- down to the week- when you will get depressed. and knowing that the only thing you can do is watch it come and shore up your mind. i *understand* depression. i also know there is a lot that a person can do to take the rough cornors off...i have no right to complain about my depression/mania if i'm not taking my meds and trying to do small stabalizing patterns and talking to my mom and/or doctor. those are the ways i help "treat" my mental issues. if brandi's not trying to take her edges off, using the methods she's been told to use, then- in my mind- she has no right to complain about how bad things are.
the bottom line is that brandi would have heard NONE of that from me IF i'd never had a conversation with her in which she expressed the desire to learn to be this way and do these things. esp. since these past posts really make it seem like she hasn't tried, but she's just resigned herself to fate.
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Another example was prompted since you decided to start the "Woe is me" tour. If you want to go that route, it makes your examples irrelevant as well.
you know what prompted this, though? because i hear from brandi, through words and actions that she wants to be able to stand up for herself. that she wants to know where she stands so that she can deal with her life. so when i hear those things, i form the opinion that brandi wants to be able to find the strength in her life (but it doesn't always have to be within her) to stand firm. but whining and making no attempts at coping or changing aren't getting her anywhere. *that's* what provoked this. i mean, pity from us is not helping her learn to find her wings.
She will learn in time. Criticism nor doing everything for her will not help her grow. She has to do it on her own, and in time, she may or may not find moving home was a mistake. What is right for you is not right for her. Who is to say moving back to her foundations will not help her stand firm? You don't know, and you have no more right to make that decision for her than I do. *shrugs* She vents to me, and I do what a friend should do. I listen, I don't engage in a bitch fest about how easy she has it or how hard my life is.
first off, everyone has to start somewhere. learning to deal with a difficult roommate is a good place to start, imho; doesn't matter if that roommate is your sister or some random shit, either. always running back to the arms of mom won't teach you how to do anything. also, when someone expresses the desire to be able to fight it at least a little bit, then offers nothing, that's a contradiction. and not something to be praised.
Eventually, everybody hits a place where they either choose to or have no choice but to start standing up.
i didn't toss in my past on purpose. and i won't add it in here. suffice to say, i had to start being my own parent when i was 7 or 8.
I thought you said this wasn't about either of us.
and i don't respect how she feels? you know what's more depressing than being depressed? being able to predict- down to the week- when you will get depressed. and knowing that the only thing you can do is watch it come and shore up your mind. i *understand* depression. i also know there is a lot that a person can do to take the rough cornors off...i have no right to complain about my depression/mania if i'm not taking my meds and trying to do small stabalizing patterns and talking to my mom and/or doctor. those are the ways i help "treat" my mental issues. if brandi's not trying to take her edges off, using the methods she's been told to use, then- in my mind- she has no right to complain about how bad things are.
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the bottom line is that brandi would have heard NONE of that from me IF i'd never had a conversation with her in which she expressed the desire to learn to be this way and do these things. esp. since these past posts really make it seem like she hasn't tried, but she's just resigned herself to fate.
So, if I vent to someone it grants them the right to tell me how to live my life? You completely lack tact. Brandi has shared some of her feelings like that with me, but I haven't ever told her in a very wordy rant "Get over it." Society and life is quite hard enough without friends like you making it harder.
Plz k thx....
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Well, NO MORE.
Brandi went away to college against my sound and good advice that she stays here for awhile to grow up some. She wanted to go away to college to follow Sze and to be with you. I told her that those were NOT sound enough reasons to go somewhere she was likely not going to be happy when she frankly wasn't grown enough or had enough life experience to do so.
Guess what? I was right. I didn't try to stop her when she left, and I didn't rub it in when she said she wanted to come back. Brandi is like a little sister to me, and sometimes people you love make mistakes, and all you can do is be there for them, and catch them if and when they fall.
She fell. And I am here to catch her, set her back on her feet, and help her GROW. Not help her throw a tantrum like a spoiled child and run away from her life and her problems. I am here to stand beside her and help her fight back the things that lurk in the shadows, to stand tall and be proud of who she is, to help her grow up and GET READY to move on, or away, whichever she needs to do WHEN SHE IS READY. I want nothing more for her than for her to be happy and to spread her wings and fly, and I'll be damned if I let someone clip those wings before she can use them.
Your insulting, snide, "holier-than-thou" commentary is NOT WELCOME HERE. You are not Brandi's friend. I saw you back then for what you were, and I'll say it again: you are no one. You are just a small, unimportant CHILD who has gotten way too big for her bitches, and someone needs to turn you over their knees and give you the whipping you so soundly deserve.
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So she's coming back to Mississippi. Big deal! She needs to come home, because it will be good for her physically, mentally, and emotionally. She is making an ADULT, rational decision, unlike the decision she made to initally go away to college, which was goaded and influenced by children such as yourself.
You say this isn't about anyone's personal history but Brandi's, yet you brought up enough of your own. I don't really give a damn about you or your bullshit. Between Josh and myself, we have enough life experience to equal 10 or 12 people, and you DARE to chide him and likely me next, since I've dared to speak against you, and say that we're leading her astray?! Let me tell you something, honey. Why don't you grow up, REALLY grow up, not just hit the landmark age of 18, and THEN you can say something. The shit I've been through in the past seven months alone would make your hair stand on end if you only knew... my point is, I have that life experience, and you don't. You are not fit to tell her she's doing the wrong thing. You're not even fit to make your own decisions, much less sticking your nise in someone elses.
And I stand and swear today if you even THINK of touching Sze while he and Brandi are taking time off from each other, I will personally make sure that your life, what little bit of one you may THINK you have, is permanantly ruined.
Do not fuck with me. Do not fuck with Brandi. DO NOT fuck with Sze.
Are we clear on this, sweetheart? Good. Now go back to the sandbox and make your mudpies like all the other good little children.
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