(no subject)
hey guys, it's been a while. i don't have to work today, so that's a relief. here's a little ditty about my job.
i understand that it's not hard, okay? obviously any asshole could be a cashier. and i really do like it, don't get me wrong. but sometimes i get sick of working 38 or 40 hours a week. i'm not trying to complain here, i need money more than you know. but anyone who thinks i'm just sitting around my house all the time or anyone who thinks i'm off having a gay old time can just stuff it. and it sucks, because a lot of times after work i honestly just want to stay home and lay around all night. i try not to, but it's hard not to just collapse and stay there. i realize this may sound like an insignificant burst of frustration, but here. it leads perfectly into another one.
i'm really sick of being nice. well, sometimes. i think it's actually a pretty okay quality to have. but, in some cases i hate it. a while ago andy told me that i take things too personally and internalize everything. i guess that's the part i hate. if someone says anything to even hint that they're displeased or mad at me, i get really upset and usually can't stop thinking about it. i'm not the type that can just say 'fuck them' and carry on. but i guess that's good too. i wouldn't want to just dismiss people so easily. i guess. i think sometimes i just need to realize that i can't change the way people are. and if i can't do anything about that, then i can't really worry about it or feel badly about it. right? my mom gave me some analogy about being eaten by bears, and it was really...appropriate for this kind of thing. but i would mess it up if i tried to explain.
other than some stupid things that are bugging me, things are going swimmingly. friday night dan and erik came over darja's house on a whim, because darja was having some friends camp out to go to cedar point the next day. it was a lot of fun, my crush on dan continues. i can't really help it i guess. after i don't see him for a while, i can usually pretend to snap out of it. but then if i see him again i just fall right back into it. and so it goes.
well, i'm gonna quit writing in this thing and figure out what to do with this day. call me if you so desire.
i understand that it's not hard, okay? obviously any asshole could be a cashier. and i really do like it, don't get me wrong. but sometimes i get sick of working 38 or 40 hours a week. i'm not trying to complain here, i need money more than you know. but anyone who thinks i'm just sitting around my house all the time or anyone who thinks i'm off having a gay old time can just stuff it. and it sucks, because a lot of times after work i honestly just want to stay home and lay around all night. i try not to, but it's hard not to just collapse and stay there. i realize this may sound like an insignificant burst of frustration, but here. it leads perfectly into another one.
i'm really sick of being nice. well, sometimes. i think it's actually a pretty okay quality to have. but, in some cases i hate it. a while ago andy told me that i take things too personally and internalize everything. i guess that's the part i hate. if someone says anything to even hint that they're displeased or mad at me, i get really upset and usually can't stop thinking about it. i'm not the type that can just say 'fuck them' and carry on. but i guess that's good too. i wouldn't want to just dismiss people so easily. i guess. i think sometimes i just need to realize that i can't change the way people are. and if i can't do anything about that, then i can't really worry about it or feel badly about it. right? my mom gave me some analogy about being eaten by bears, and it was really...appropriate for this kind of thing. but i would mess it up if i tried to explain.
other than some stupid things that are bugging me, things are going swimmingly. friday night dan and erik came over darja's house on a whim, because darja was having some friends camp out to go to cedar point the next day. it was a lot of fun, my crush on dan continues. i can't really help it i guess. after i don't see him for a while, i can usually pretend to snap out of it. but then if i see him again i just fall right back into it. and so it goes.
well, i'm gonna quit writing in this thing and figure out what to do with this day. call me if you so desire.