(no subject)
I'm quite ecstatic because about two days ago, maybe a little less but about two days ago i received notice that i as FINALLY admitted to UCSC. And i have to capitalize FINALLY, then put it in bold: FINALLY. The reason that i stress finally is because of all the bullshit that fills the ears and mouths of those bureucratic bastards in the admission offices at UCSC. UCD fixed the problems just fine, UCSB didn't even know about that (but who gives a shit about them anyway?) But of course UCSC, the one i want the most, had to knock me down a couple of pegs and spit on me. But who cares anyway? The appeal worked, through setback to setback and somehow i made it out of all of this alive and GOING TO UCSC.
Although a couple of months ago i decided that if i hadn't gotten into UCSC, big deal. I wouldn't let this college destroy my life, and i would take a romantic leave of absence from this youthful education and be an adult with no special obligations for a year. How exciting that would have been, but really i'm glad this happened because it would have caused THREE major headaches: Mine, my dad's and my mothers. Of course, like i just said i had already gotten over this headache (i like to condition myself for anything, even if it doesn't happen.) But my parent's would have been PISSED. And no way would i have ever moved back to Davis to attend UCD. No way in hell. But you see, it would have been a huge pull. To my mother there is no way in hell i'm not going to a four year institution next year, and to me i say what's the fucking rush if i'm not enjoying it. This past year in my downtime when there was a void in my life and that void was an actual stable future, i realized that really all is important is focusing on now, and not so much the later. Oh of course you should realize that the later will happen, but what can you do about it? The Now is happening right now. I remember in High school this kid in my chemistry class came up with a very quirky excuse for not studying chemistry. he said that he hadn't studied chemistry the night before because he absolutely hated chemistry and what would have happend to him if he had been hit by a bus sometime after studying and before the test. I said 'I guess you wouldn't have to take the test'. He explained that he wouldn't have to take the test because he would have been dead and his whole night of the last day of his life would have been a huge waste. At the time i just thought it meant you should look both ways before you cross the street, but i'm sure you could take that quirky excuse, tweak it a little bit, and come up with one hell of a philosophy for life and youth and drugs and whatever.
But another thing that this means is that finally, just finally in about two years i actually have a future and a home and after steve, fletcher, miles and I find a place for next year i may never have to pack my boxes and look on craigslist again. Well, at least till i graduate.
Although a couple of months ago i decided that if i hadn't gotten into UCSC, big deal. I wouldn't let this college destroy my life, and i would take a romantic leave of absence from this youthful education and be an adult with no special obligations for a year. How exciting that would have been, but really i'm glad this happened because it would have caused THREE major headaches: Mine, my dad's and my mothers. Of course, like i just said i had already gotten over this headache (i like to condition myself for anything, even if it doesn't happen.) But my parent's would have been PISSED. And no way would i have ever moved back to Davis to attend UCD. No way in hell. But you see, it would have been a huge pull. To my mother there is no way in hell i'm not going to a four year institution next year, and to me i say what's the fucking rush if i'm not enjoying it. This past year in my downtime when there was a void in my life and that void was an actual stable future, i realized that really all is important is focusing on now, and not so much the later. Oh of course you should realize that the later will happen, but what can you do about it? The Now is happening right now. I remember in High school this kid in my chemistry class came up with a very quirky excuse for not studying chemistry. he said that he hadn't studied chemistry the night before because he absolutely hated chemistry and what would have happend to him if he had been hit by a bus sometime after studying and before the test. I said 'I guess you wouldn't have to take the test'. He explained that he wouldn't have to take the test because he would have been dead and his whole night of the last day of his life would have been a huge waste. At the time i just thought it meant you should look both ways before you cross the street, but i'm sure you could take that quirky excuse, tweak it a little bit, and come up with one hell of a philosophy for life and youth and drugs and whatever.
But another thing that this means is that finally, just finally in about two years i actually have a future and a home and after steve, fletcher, miles and I find a place for next year i may never have to pack my boxes and look on craigslist again. Well, at least till i graduate.