(no subject)
4:21. I have to be up in 4 hours for school. the last two weeks i can't sleep. i either wake up every other hour, can't get to sleep, or have nightmares. i wonder if it was something i did to make me feel like this. it's so lonely at night, cause there isn't anyone to talk to. the only change from day to night really is about two people. most of the friends i had aren't really friends anymore. no one knows to much about me, and usually only talks to me if they bump into me or need something. i keep thinking that one day everything is going to turn around. i make up these fake ideas of me changing my life. then the next day i do the same routine. if i had the chance i would do part of my life over. i'd like to start with junior year. and move from there. my grades are a joke through high school and i had this idea that i was better then everyone. wooo. look at me now. i am so good, being i have no job and am still a freshman in college. i find it funny the few people who call me a best friend actual don't know anymore about me then some of my acquaintances. i wonder how you are doing? how is school going for you? are you satisfied with your life? i'm not and thought you should know. i think i come off as an asshole. or at least i hope that is the reason people don't talk to me. i used to have things in common with people, maybe someone changed me and i still can't see it. how do you see when you have changed. i've looked at it from every angle. lately i think it's for the better, but for a while it was for the worse. everyone is so unhappy, and i don't want people to get that idea of me. it isn't that i am unhappy. its that i am not satisfied. i miss a lot of things. and i know because i miss these things i am missing out on things now. that i can later miss those and miss future things... and so on. i keep living in the past and hoping maybe i will wake up and it's all a dream. that didn't really happen, and he didn't really do that. 4:31 . . 3 test tomorrow, i don't think i am going to go to sleep only because if i don't get at least 4 hours the alarm doesn't wake me. i think my puppy wants a friend. maybe i will become a creepy old dog man. hm. that sounds like an idea. i will work at the subway and come home to my house full of dogs. and watch tv, with tv dinners...