Let the Good Times Roll 1/42
Title: Let the Good Times Roll
Author: Concupid
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter
Pairings: Howard/Vince pre-slash, Howard/Old Gregg pre-slash
Summary: Old Gregg misses Howard and wants him back.
Warnings: so far, only porpoise rape and violence but it's an Old Gregg story, it's going to be dark.
Author's note: I'm just going to stop fussing about and jump in.
He's a cockney nutjob, yes. He's a monster and he'll stab you up as soon as look at ya, but he ain't all bad. Did he rape a porpoise? Yes. He freely admits it. He's not proud, the porpoise was a bit of a slag, but a man has needs.
Go ahead, call him a baddie. Say he ain't got no right living on this earth, staining the soil with his potent cockney urine. He won't argue. Just don't call 'im a bad father. When that porpoise turned up to be up the duff, the Hitcher took responsibility. He looked at that disgusting man fish with a mangina and said, "It's the son I never wanted and the daughter I would have drowned at birth, except she has gills. Oh, I'll raise him up right. He'll be a better man than I and a better woman than I'll ever have." Then he got bored and dumped his only son/daughter in Black Lake. He didn't neglect his spawn. No, never let it be said that Old Greggory went without Bailey's or watercolors. When Gregg complained of being lonely, The Hitcher brought him Rick James. Too bad Rick James scared the little merman with his bizarre sexual proclivities and penchant for "love games.” Old Gregg set Rick James free and tried to find his own friends. Those friends are now mounted on the wall of his murky cave. Luckily, the Funk showed up and Old Gregg was happy for a time.
Then he met Howard Moon. The Northerner stole Gregg's heart and the Funk, leaving Gregg more alone and more insane than ever.
And that's saying something.
Old Gregg called to his old man and said, "Please, Dad, please help me find my fuzzy little man peach. I don't want to be alone. Old Gregg is lonely."
The Hitcher looked at his boy, his hideous and ungodly spawn with his sad blue eyes and did what he knew he had to do. He reached out to stab his son/daughter in the gut.
It's a proud moment in a father's life when his son turns a knife on him. Before the Hitcher even got close, Old Gregg had slashed his wrist and was threatening to use his old dad's intestines to decorate his cave.
"I'm Old Gregg and I'm lonely! Find me Howard Moon and bring him to me. I want to feel his strong arms around me. I want him to take my dainty hand in marriage. I want to bake my famous crumble and hold him until he gets old and dies. Then I'll snuggle his desiccated corpse."
"Howard Moon! I know the bloke! I have generously opted not to rape him on several occasions although he obviously deserves a raping. You don't wear a mustache if you don't want to be raped," the Hitcher exclaimed, trying to hold his guts inside his skin. Gregg had slashed him up a treat. Like father like fishy bastard.
"I love him. I need him. I'm Old Gregg."
"Oh, you are a crazy son of a bitch and I love you. Let me have me intestines and I'll be on my way to bring you your true love. One Howard Moon, coming up."