Christmas Spirits (Part 3)
Title: Christmas Spirits
Author: Concupid
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Dan/Jones
Warnings: brief discussion of religion, very mild reference to sex
Summary: Dan reflects on Christmas and religion while making gingerbread houses
Author’s note: I thought this would be an easy story to write, but it’s been oddly difficult. Hopefully, I will be able to tie it all together in the next chapter. I can’t write holiday stuff on time. That’s just a fact.
1994
House of Jones
When Dan asked his name, the DJ simply said, “Jones.” It struck Dan as very cool to just have one name. Of course, everything seemed cool to Dan, because he was the opposite of cool. At Sugar Ape, he was the one trying to write stories that felt meaningful and important while writers like Jonatton Yeah? used their stories to meet celebrities and get laid. Most of the crew at Sugar Ape was lost in an endless bacchanal while Dan watched from afar and supped on the leftover crumbs.
Dan didn’t learn much about Jones, but he ended up telling the quasi-stranger his own life story. Jones didn’t say much, but he gently prodded Dan to continue every time he worried he was over sharing and tried to clam up. It also helped that every time Dan’s wine glass neared the dregs, Jones would top him off.
Dan talked about his fear of failure, his family’s unfounded faith in his abilities and the constant, nagging voice that wondered if he hadn’t been hired at Sugar Ape by mistake.
Jones laughed and shrugged at Dan’s litany of fear, not dismissing them but viewing them as amusing quirks of the universe. He said profound things like: “Of course your parents think you’re amazing, they’re your parents. Not like they’re going to change their mind if you don’t do well at Sugar Ape. They love you, they don’t give a fuck about Sugar Ape, do they?” and “If they did hire you by accident, then they’re fucked ‘cause they need a good reason to fire you. They couldn’t admit they fucked up. That would be well unprofessional.”
Dan expected Jones to point out some of the flaws in his thinking, but Jones accepted everything Dan said with a smile and a nod. Dan had always been drawn to neurotic over-thinkers - a quality that did not help him make friends at Sugar Ape - but he enjoyed Jones’s casual acceptance of the world. While he was pretty sure Jones was on at least one mind-altering substance, there was still something about him that called to Dan.
Something other than his startlingly beautiful eyes.
But Dan was still very much under the spell of those baby blues, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world to kiss him and when Jones let out a gasp of surprise, it made Dan laugh. They giggled and snogged like horny teenagers for what felt like hours. As much as Dan wanted to take things further, he wasn’t quite drunk enough to not care that Jones was a man.
It was Jones that let him off the hook.
“Ever done it with a guy before?”
“Um… well…”
“Is it that hard a question?”
“I haven’t. Been with a man. Never really thought about it before,” Dan admitted, more or less honestly. “It’s not a big deal…”
“It’s not a big deal,” Jones agreed before he jumped off the couch to make another pot of coffee. Dan watched Jones dance to the music in his head as he made a full pot of coffee at nearly midnight.
Dan finished the wine straight from the bottle. Finally feeling loose enough to put aside thoughts of sexual identity (and mechanics), Dan walked into the kitchen and danced with Jones. He wrapped his arms around the smaller man’s waist and they swayed while the coffee percolated.
“Can I spend the night again?”
Jones shrugged, “Told you, you can stay forever.”
That night, they exchanged handjobs while fully dressed on Jones’s bed, then Dan drifted off to sleep while Jones returned to his turntables.
Xxx
A Place that isn’t Shoreditch
2014
Claire gave Dan a death stare that reiterated her promise that they would “talk” before he left, before sending him and Jones to help Maya put together the gingerbread houses she’d been left by Santa. Claire always gave Jones some kind of crafty task when he came for a visit. Maya was surely the most eccentric artist in her class under the tutelage of Jones. Claire wanted Maya to experience normality, but she clearly had no interest in raising a boring child.
“Put on some Christmassy music,” Claire suggested before disappearing back into the kitchen with Ned (after he yelled, “Things are getting… intense in here!”) Dan couldn’t judge Ned’s incompetence in the kitchen. He and Jones lived on take-out, sandwiches and cereal.
Dan felt overwhelmed by Claire’s iPod of unfamiliar songs and made a quick playlist of the first songs he came across that made him think of Christmas before literally rolling up his sleeves (it was another new shirt - gray with pink stripes) and getting down to work. He took charge of actually reading the directions while Maya and Jones began sneaking the candy that was meant to decorate the finished product.
Dan was carefully icing the fourth wall of the first house into place when Maya asked, “Are you and Uncle Dan going to get married?”
Jones laughed.
“I don’t think Uncle Dan is the marrying type.”
Dan watched his carefully constructed house collapse.
“You can start again!” Maya yelled, as she nearly knocked Dan over to begin scraping the icing off the gingerbread with her fingers. Jones quickly followed suite until Dan again had four plain walls.
He thought he’d avoided an awkward conversation, but then Maya continued.
“Two boys can get married, you know. Boys can’t have babies in their bellies, unless they were born with girl parts, but they can adopt a baby. Do you want a baby, Jones?”
Dan stared at his project and felt grateful Maya seemed to be focused on Jones. There was an advantage to not being good with kids.
“Mmm… I like kids,” Jones answered. “I don’t know if I want a baby. I don’t like waking up early.”
“I sleep sooooo late!” Maya yelled. “I sleep until 8 o’clock! Can you even believe it?”
Jones sounded appropriately impressed while Dan chuckled to himself. He could here his sister so clearly in Maya’s tone. She was nothing like Claire had been as a child. Maya was sweet and artsy while Claire had been a tomboy who liked fighting and tearing things apart, but Maya often sounded like adult Claire. She had the confidence, the fieriness and, of course, the bossiness. She was a five-year-old who really knew herself and Dan found it a little intimidating.
Claire poked her head into the living room, “What are you listening to?”
Dan hadn’t really been paying attention. A Hozier song he kept hearing at the office was playing.
“It’s about going to church,” Dan explained, suddenly feeling self-conscious. Looking at Claire’s judgmental face, he was suddenly aware that lyrics like, “I’ll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife” were perhaps not in the spirit of the season.
And yet, the song still felt more appropriate than the cheery nonsense their mother favored. The Ashcrofts were not especially religious, but Dan had attended church every Sunday and sat transfixed by stories of death, betrayal and incest. He learned early on not to ask his parents about the sermons, so he just sat with the horrible tales. He was aware the story of Christ was supposed to be reassuring, but to Dan, it would always be the story about how the only way to get people to take your message seriously was if you were willing to be nailed to a cross rather than edit your story.
Claire picked up the iPod, “And John Cale’s ‘Hallelujah’ is coming up next. What happened to you as a child, Dan?”
Under the exaggerated hostility, Dan saw a real question. They’d been raised in the same home. Why was Claire confident and driven while Dan was so fragile and weak? Maybe their parents had learned from the mistakes they made with Dan.
Claire put on some proper Christmas music and left them to their work.
As soon as Claire left the room, Maya declared, “If you want to marry Uncle Dan, you should take him on lots and lots of dates. You can go dancing. You could go ice skating.”
Maya and Jones dissolved into hysterical giggles as Dan focused all his energy on putting a roof on his gingerbread house. Maybe he couldn’t afford or maintain a real house, but he’d be fucked if he couldn’t put together a house made of candy.
It was the story of his life; he just kept lowering his standards in hopes that someday he’d like he had a grip on his life.
House of Jones
1994
Dan woke up, fully dressed, in Jones’s bed. It was a Monday, but the offices were closed for Christmas Eve. If he were in the bed of a strange woman, he’d feel like his holiday was off to a good start. Even Dan could make a relationship last three days.
But lovely handjob aside, he wasn’t about to start a relationship with Jones, so he couldn’t possibly invite himself to stay for the holiday. It would be too strange. Too needy.
Jones groaned unhappily before he opened his eyes and gave Dan a blinding smile.
“You’re still here. Genius. You can help me make a Christmas tree.”
Author: Concupid
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Dan/Jones
Warnings: brief discussion of religion, very mild reference to sex
Summary: Dan reflects on Christmas and religion while making gingerbread houses
Author’s note: I thought this would be an easy story to write, but it’s been oddly difficult. Hopefully, I will be able to tie it all together in the next chapter. I can’t write holiday stuff on time. That’s just a fact.
1994
House of Jones
When Dan asked his name, the DJ simply said, “Jones.” It struck Dan as very cool to just have one name. Of course, everything seemed cool to Dan, because he was the opposite of cool. At Sugar Ape, he was the one trying to write stories that felt meaningful and important while writers like Jonatton Yeah? used their stories to meet celebrities and get laid. Most of the crew at Sugar Ape was lost in an endless bacchanal while Dan watched from afar and supped on the leftover crumbs.
Dan didn’t learn much about Jones, but he ended up telling the quasi-stranger his own life story. Jones didn’t say much, but he gently prodded Dan to continue every time he worried he was over sharing and tried to clam up. It also helped that every time Dan’s wine glass neared the dregs, Jones would top him off.
Dan talked about his fear of failure, his family’s unfounded faith in his abilities and the constant, nagging voice that wondered if he hadn’t been hired at Sugar Ape by mistake.
Jones laughed and shrugged at Dan’s litany of fear, not dismissing them but viewing them as amusing quirks of the universe. He said profound things like: “Of course your parents think you’re amazing, they’re your parents. Not like they’re going to change their mind if you don’t do well at Sugar Ape. They love you, they don’t give a fuck about Sugar Ape, do they?” and “If they did hire you by accident, then they’re fucked ‘cause they need a good reason to fire you. They couldn’t admit they fucked up. That would be well unprofessional.”
Dan expected Jones to point out some of the flaws in his thinking, but Jones accepted everything Dan said with a smile and a nod. Dan had always been drawn to neurotic over-thinkers - a quality that did not help him make friends at Sugar Ape - but he enjoyed Jones’s casual acceptance of the world. While he was pretty sure Jones was on at least one mind-altering substance, there was still something about him that called to Dan.
Something other than his startlingly beautiful eyes.
But Dan was still very much under the spell of those baby blues, and it felt like the most natural thing in the world to kiss him and when Jones let out a gasp of surprise, it made Dan laugh. They giggled and snogged like horny teenagers for what felt like hours. As much as Dan wanted to take things further, he wasn’t quite drunk enough to not care that Jones was a man.
It was Jones that let him off the hook.
“Ever done it with a guy before?”
“Um… well…”
“Is it that hard a question?”
“I haven’t. Been with a man. Never really thought about it before,” Dan admitted, more or less honestly. “It’s not a big deal…”
“It’s not a big deal,” Jones agreed before he jumped off the couch to make another pot of coffee. Dan watched Jones dance to the music in his head as he made a full pot of coffee at nearly midnight.
Dan finished the wine straight from the bottle. Finally feeling loose enough to put aside thoughts of sexual identity (and mechanics), Dan walked into the kitchen and danced with Jones. He wrapped his arms around the smaller man’s waist and they swayed while the coffee percolated.
“Can I spend the night again?”
Jones shrugged, “Told you, you can stay forever.”
That night, they exchanged handjobs while fully dressed on Jones’s bed, then Dan drifted off to sleep while Jones returned to his turntables.
Xxx
A Place that isn’t Shoreditch
2014
Claire gave Dan a death stare that reiterated her promise that they would “talk” before he left, before sending him and Jones to help Maya put together the gingerbread houses she’d been left by Santa. Claire always gave Jones some kind of crafty task when he came for a visit. Maya was surely the most eccentric artist in her class under the tutelage of Jones. Claire wanted Maya to experience normality, but she clearly had no interest in raising a boring child.
“Put on some Christmassy music,” Claire suggested before disappearing back into the kitchen with Ned (after he yelled, “Things are getting… intense in here!”) Dan couldn’t judge Ned’s incompetence in the kitchen. He and Jones lived on take-out, sandwiches and cereal.
Dan felt overwhelmed by Claire’s iPod of unfamiliar songs and made a quick playlist of the first songs he came across that made him think of Christmas before literally rolling up his sleeves (it was another new shirt - gray with pink stripes) and getting down to work. He took charge of actually reading the directions while Maya and Jones began sneaking the candy that was meant to decorate the finished product.
Dan was carefully icing the fourth wall of the first house into place when Maya asked, “Are you and Uncle Dan going to get married?”
Jones laughed.
“I don’t think Uncle Dan is the marrying type.”
Dan watched his carefully constructed house collapse.
“You can start again!” Maya yelled, as she nearly knocked Dan over to begin scraping the icing off the gingerbread with her fingers. Jones quickly followed suite until Dan again had four plain walls.
He thought he’d avoided an awkward conversation, but then Maya continued.
“Two boys can get married, you know. Boys can’t have babies in their bellies, unless they were born with girl parts, but they can adopt a baby. Do you want a baby, Jones?”
Dan stared at his project and felt grateful Maya seemed to be focused on Jones. There was an advantage to not being good with kids.
“Mmm… I like kids,” Jones answered. “I don’t know if I want a baby. I don’t like waking up early.”
“I sleep sooooo late!” Maya yelled. “I sleep until 8 o’clock! Can you even believe it?”
Jones sounded appropriately impressed while Dan chuckled to himself. He could here his sister so clearly in Maya’s tone. She was nothing like Claire had been as a child. Maya was sweet and artsy while Claire had been a tomboy who liked fighting and tearing things apart, but Maya often sounded like adult Claire. She had the confidence, the fieriness and, of course, the bossiness. She was a five-year-old who really knew herself and Dan found it a little intimidating.
Claire poked her head into the living room, “What are you listening to?”
Dan hadn’t really been paying attention. A Hozier song he kept hearing at the office was playing.
“It’s about going to church,” Dan explained, suddenly feeling self-conscious. Looking at Claire’s judgmental face, he was suddenly aware that lyrics like, “I’ll tell you my sins so you can sharpen your knife” were perhaps not in the spirit of the season.
And yet, the song still felt more appropriate than the cheery nonsense their mother favored. The Ashcrofts were not especially religious, but Dan had attended church every Sunday and sat transfixed by stories of death, betrayal and incest. He learned early on not to ask his parents about the sermons, so he just sat with the horrible tales. He was aware the story of Christ was supposed to be reassuring, but to Dan, it would always be the story about how the only way to get people to take your message seriously was if you were willing to be nailed to a cross rather than edit your story.
Claire picked up the iPod, “And John Cale’s ‘Hallelujah’ is coming up next. What happened to you as a child, Dan?”
Under the exaggerated hostility, Dan saw a real question. They’d been raised in the same home. Why was Claire confident and driven while Dan was so fragile and weak? Maybe their parents had learned from the mistakes they made with Dan.
Claire put on some proper Christmas music and left them to their work.
As soon as Claire left the room, Maya declared, “If you want to marry Uncle Dan, you should take him on lots and lots of dates. You can go dancing. You could go ice skating.”
Maya and Jones dissolved into hysterical giggles as Dan focused all his energy on putting a roof on his gingerbread house. Maybe he couldn’t afford or maintain a real house, but he’d be fucked if he couldn’t put together a house made of candy.
It was the story of his life; he just kept lowering his standards in hopes that someday he’d like he had a grip on his life.
House of Jones
1994
Dan woke up, fully dressed, in Jones’s bed. It was a Monday, but the offices were closed for Christmas Eve. If he were in the bed of a strange woman, he’d feel like his holiday was off to a good start. Even Dan could make a relationship last three days.
But lovely handjob aside, he wasn’t about to start a relationship with Jones, so he couldn’t possibly invite himself to stay for the holiday. It would be too strange. Too needy.
Jones groaned unhappily before he opened his eyes and gave Dan a blinding smile.
“You’re still here. Genius. You can help me make a Christmas tree.”