The Heroine (Every Unsatisfied Urge)

[concupiscence66]

Title:  The Heroine
Author: Concupid
Pairing:  Noel/Julian
Warnings:  drug use/abuse/addiction, dub-con (heavily intoxicated)
Rating: R
Summary:  Julian thinks about his bad habits
Author’s note:  The Hero and The Heroine were meant to be one chapter but it got out of control.

Comments

[concupiscence66]

In Mackenzie Phillips' book, she talks about doing lines and not realizing until she and her friend are falling over that it was heroin rather than coke. It struck me as an intriguing idea. It's like when you think you're about to drink Coke but it's Dr. Pepper. Before your brain catches up, you are terrified because you are wondering, "What the fuck is in this Coke? Poison? A dead rat?" I just thought it would be so unnerving until he realized what was going on and then he could just enjoy himself... I considered calling it the Hero and the Heroin but I could imagine all the people who would correct my spelling before reading the chapter. It's hard to judge how obvious your clues are. I worried that Roger asking if Noel if he'd get in trouble with Julian was too clear a hint that it wasn't a normal drug of choice! In my mind, it was a neon sign.

There's no point arguing someone's interpretation of what I wrote but...

"Third: it boggles my mind that Julian STILL thinks Noel is totally straight" The only time it's suggested that Julian thinks Noel is completely straight is that it is apparently something Julian told Roger (Lucky Break). Julian might have had his motivations for steering Roger in that direction. There are also several points in the story where Noel shows he wants to keep a bit of a barrier because he knows Julian will suddenly shut down and be unreachable. He may not understand it, but Julian is picking up on something real in the story. For people actually reading these chapters two to three years apart as I'm writing them, I felt like I should clarify!

"He can never resist Noel for too long, and whether or not he's willing to admit it, the truth is that they keep toeing this line (especially in times of crisis), and they are going further over it every time. They pull back a little awkwardly for a bit, but the pattern is clear: they're on a collision course with the inevitable." I don't have a response. You'll just have to imagine me doing my best Mr. Burns impression. "Yes, Smithers. Inevitable indeed."

[bluestocking79]

You nailed it, re: the heroin. There was enough uneasiness there, and enough questionable behavior from Roger, that I felt certain that it wasn't what Noel thought it was, but it also wasn't obvious, and it wasn't until this chapter that it became fully clear. And we totally get that feeling of complete alarm from Noel, not knowing what the hell is going on but knowing it's NOT like it's supposed to be, and he doesn't know how to help himself! His shock when Julian explains it to him is endearing, but you can also see him relax into it after that, now that he knows he's probably not going to die from being poisoned by some unknown additive or something. Roger's question about whether Julian will be angry is kind of genius, because on the first read, I thought he was just being kind of catty and bitter about Julian's overprotectiveness of Noel, but looking back, it's clearly also about the fact that it's heroin--and Roger knows very well how Julian feels about that.

And PLEASE go ahead and correct me when I've got the wrong end of the stick! You're totally right; I went back and read the last Roger chapter after writing this review, and the line about Julian thinking Noel is straight as an arrow came from Roger's POV, which makes a lot of sense. I can very easily believe that Julian had motivation to present things that way, especially since he reiterates here that he thinks Roger fancies Noel (and the previous chapter makes it pretty clear that Roger wouldn't mind shagging Noel--even in very dubious circumstances). It's not hard to think he might have been trying to discourage any thinking in that direction...

And yeah. that need for Noel to keep a certain barrier there is real and not in Julian's imagination, but he is (I think?) wrong about why and where it comes from. Noel can't bear it when Julian's emotionally remote--for better or worse, Noel is not at all an emotionally self-contained person--and it's a method of protecting himself from the retreat that he knows by now will come sooner or later. (Like a lot of the things they're doing for self-protection here, I'm not sure that really works as well in practice as in theory!) But that has nothing to do with Noel truly wanting less of Julian. He wants it all, but knows Julian well enough by now to know that things don't really work that way.

And heh. As for the other, the only response can be: Eeeeeeeeeeeeexcellent. ;)