why does this depress me so much

[compatable]

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probably because it was such a big part of my childhood. and listening to keane's somewhere only we know tends to do this to people. oh man, watching the trailer now and all these memories are coming. i can name so many embarrassing things i've done that were caused by winnie-the-pooh.


1. vandalizing every picture book in my house and drawing all the characters on the blank, white pages books have.
2. trying to learn how to do the tigger dance.
3. doing the tigger dance by myself at recess. and then i stopped when i fell in the mud.
4. singing the tigger song. singing it to my teacher when she asked.
5. watching the tigger movie every single day when i came home from school. ON VIDEOCASSETTE. VIDEOCASSETTE. GOD, I FEEL OLD.
6. making a paper eeyore tail.
7. crying my ass off when tigger doesn't find any other tiggers.
8. crying my ass off even more at the ending.
9. basically ignoring everyone until third grade for winnie-the-pooh.
10. oh, and getting frustrated with the entire picture book series i had of winnie-the-pooh because if you aligned all the spines, it would make a picture. BUT I DIDN'T HAVE ALL THE DAMN BOOKS SO HALF OF PIGLET'S BODY WOULD BE MISSING AND THE WHOLE ENTIRE PICTURE LOOKED LIKE SOME EVIL SHIT.


and i guess the thing that makes me really sad is, i didn't even realize when i stopped liking it. i don't remember putting down the book, or turning off the movies, or never drawing the characters again. it's like a blank space in my mind. when i think i my childhood, i think about it centering around anime, but when the 2011 winnie-the-pooh trailers started showing on tv, i realized that it had been winnie-the-pooh all along. and it takes me until senior year to figure that out, when i'm too old to remember the tigger song or recite every line or making paper eeyore tails. tbh it makes me scared bc i know i'm crossing over some invisible line that separates the kids' side from the adults' and why am i scared, i've been preparing myself all my life for it. when did i grow up, you know? i always thought it was when this guy i liked told me to grow up in 9th grade, but maybe it happened when i stopped reading winnie-the-pooh or moved away from my first house or cried when my best friend and i had to go to different schools. feelings just lots of feelings. but i guess the whole point of this entry is, i miss being a kid. i call myself one, but i'm not one anymore. seeing the entire background of my childhood again, the story of winnie-the-pooh, scares me bc this is something that gave me a happy feeling that i can't get from any fandom, any person, any book, etc. and i'll never get this feeling back because i'm pm an adult now and am aware of budget cuts, the economy, terrorism, and lots of other crappy things. i miss being naive. i miss being a kid.

I MISS NOT BEING ATTRACTED TO MEN, AND MY ONLY FRIENDS IN THE WORLD WERE ANIMATED CHARACTERS SOBS.