Fuck You
I really need a vacation from my life... I just wanna go someplace where nobody knows me and just start life all over again. Somewhere like Canada or England. I'm tired of reality. I'm tired of the war in Iraq, I'm tired of the military, I'm tired of this shitty Academy, I'm tired of trying to prove myself to my family, I'm tired of clinging on to a relationship that I know that is not going to go any further, I'm tired of being alone and having no one, I'm tired of having no one comfort me on a bad day, I'm tired of not having a family that is happy to see me, I'm tired of having no home, I just wanna give up, I just need a vacation from life.
If you didn't know, my family has basically disowned me and I'm not allowed to stay at the house when I come down for Spring Break. This has really put a damper on things for Spring Break. I WAS so excited about going back home for Spring Break, but now I don't even want to go back to Texas. I just want to start over and forget everything and everyone in the past. I wish I can get a refund on my airline ticket. I just wanna go and visit someplace out of the country or something by myself for Spring Break. I really don't give a shit about anything anymore.
My parents think I'm a bad influence and a negative example to my younger siblings. I don't understand... I am so successful that it makes most people sick! I have scholarship offers from so many colleges and universities. I'm goin to college now on a full scholarship, I have another offer for a full scholarship to the University of Hawaii after I"m done here. I was accepted and nominated to go to Westpoint for crying out loud! I'm in the Military and I made sergeant at age 19! I become an officer in the Army next year! I play multiple college sports and went to the national qualifiers for Wrestling and missed nationals in Indoor Track by 0.23 seconds! I played so many sports in Highschool and went to at least regionals in track,crosscountry, and swimming! I was in Student Council, FCA, German club, UIL academics, ROTC, I have two plaques at the highschool with my name on it! I have soooo many trophies, awards, and medals! I was choosen to be on the Honor Guard and was soldier of the week at Ft. Jackson. I've been in the Newspapers countless of times. I have saved peoples lives lifeguarding and just being at the right place at the right time. I have more money than my parents! In fact they borrow money from me all the time and hardly ever pay me back. I live far from home away from anyone or anything remotley familiar to me supporting myself on my own money. Don't they see how hard it is for me as it is? Why don't they support anything I do? Sometimes I think I play so many sports and join so many clubs and win all these awards just so they would notice me and appreciate me and approve me! Why do I even try? I could be leading a normal life at regular college back at home working at a restuarant and being with my friends. But I chose this path and now I have to suffer, cause there is no going back. Its already too late. Like I learned the hard way from a very special girl... there are no second chances.
Its like know one understands me, I feel so alone...
I know she will never want to get back together so why do I keep hoping that we will? Why do I insist in still trying to be there and make her happy? I wish I would have never experienced this kind of love and that way I would not have to experience this kind of pain. I want to be friends with her, and be there for her, and make her smile, and be happy but it pains me everytime I speak to her, but I do it anyway clinging on to my ever vanishing hope. But for what?! I don't know... We rarely see each other anymore and its so great when I get to see her. We talk on the phone and on AIM all the time but she never comes to see me or wants to do anything with me anymore. I sure do miss those old days... knowing that there was at least someone who cared. Why did I have to go do something so stupid? She thinks I'm all fine and dandy but on the iside I"m still torn to peices. Everytime I see her and hear her voice I am constantly reminded of what I once had and will never have ever again.
If you didn't know, my family has basically disowned me and I'm not allowed to stay at the house when I come down for Spring Break. This has really put a damper on things for Spring Break. I WAS so excited about going back home for Spring Break, but now I don't even want to go back to Texas. I just want to start over and forget everything and everyone in the past. I wish I can get a refund on my airline ticket. I just wanna go and visit someplace out of the country or something by myself for Spring Break. I really don't give a shit about anything anymore.
My parents think I'm a bad influence and a negative example to my younger siblings. I don't understand... I am so successful that it makes most people sick! I have scholarship offers from so many colleges and universities. I'm goin to college now on a full scholarship, I have another offer for a full scholarship to the University of Hawaii after I"m done here. I was accepted and nominated to go to Westpoint for crying out loud! I'm in the Military and I made sergeant at age 19! I become an officer in the Army next year! I play multiple college sports and went to the national qualifiers for Wrestling and missed nationals in Indoor Track by 0.23 seconds! I played so many sports in Highschool and went to at least regionals in track,crosscountry, and swimming! I was in Student Council, FCA, German club, UIL academics, ROTC, I have two plaques at the highschool with my name on it! I have soooo many trophies, awards, and medals! I was choosen to be on the Honor Guard and was soldier of the week at Ft. Jackson. I've been in the Newspapers countless of times. I have saved peoples lives lifeguarding and just being at the right place at the right time. I have more money than my parents! In fact they borrow money from me all the time and hardly ever pay me back. I live far from home away from anyone or anything remotley familiar to me supporting myself on my own money. Don't they see how hard it is for me as it is? Why don't they support anything I do? Sometimes I think I play so many sports and join so many clubs and win all these awards just so they would notice me and appreciate me and approve me! Why do I even try? I could be leading a normal life at regular college back at home working at a restuarant and being with my friends. But I chose this path and now I have to suffer, cause there is no going back. Its already too late. Like I learned the hard way from a very special girl... there are no second chances.
Its like know one understands me, I feel so alone...
I know she will never want to get back together so why do I keep hoping that we will? Why do I insist in still trying to be there and make her happy? I wish I would have never experienced this kind of love and that way I would not have to experience this kind of pain. I want to be friends with her, and be there for her, and make her smile, and be happy but it pains me everytime I speak to her, but I do it anyway clinging on to my ever vanishing hope. But for what?! I don't know... We rarely see each other anymore and its so great when I get to see her. We talk on the phone and on AIM all the time but she never comes to see me or wants to do anything with me anymore. I sure do miss those old days... knowing that there was at least someone who cared. Why did I have to go do something so stupid? She thinks I'm all fine and dandy but on the iside I"m still torn to peices. Everytime I see her and hear her voice I am constantly reminded of what I once had and will never have ever again.