JAMES POTTER: 24 September, 1975
Dear Petunia,
My name is James Potter and I'm the soon-to-be boyfriend of your sister. This is a widely acknowledged fact. Acknowledged by pretty much everyone, to be honest, apart from Lily. This is a bit of a pain, and so I thought I'd write to you and get you on the 'Make Lily See Sense' team! No badges for the team, I'm afraid, or uniforms either. What's in this for you, you might be thinking, if there are no badges of uniforms. Good question, Pet (I can call you Pet, can't I? I promise you won't have to call me Master, unless you find the idea irresistible, of course! I wouldn't stop you if you had your heart set on it!) and one I'm glad you asked.
I have three best mates. I can pimp out arrange an intimate little soiree for you and the bloke of your choice. Just as soon as Lily's agreed to a date with me.
You'd probably fancy Sirius. Most girls do. Tall, dark, handsome. Usual routine. But also very clever and rich too. Impeccable pedigree, if you're interested. Good teeth and well-brushed hair as well. I'd recommend Sirius simply because all your friends would be jealous. However, he is high maintenance and a bit destructive. You might prefer Remus. Remus is a wonderful bloke. Quite good-looking, good brain and a good sense of humour.
Remus is probably more serious relationship material than Sirius, I think. Certainly not as destructive, unless you get him at the wrong time of the month. His month, not yours. I wouldn't dream of suggesting you get to be a temperamental bitch when you're having your period! Except I kind of just did. Joking! Only drawback with Remus is that he'd need some time to himself a few days a month. You could handle that though, couldn't you? You'd want alone time anyway wouldn't you? To paint your nails and watch weepy movies on television and do girly stuff like that. You'd need time alone because, as far as I know, Remus doesn't paint his nails or watch chick-flicks.
Last but not least is Peter. I really think you could be happy with Peter. He's, alright, not as good-looking as Sirius or Remus, but I'm sure you're not as shallow and superficial as Lily makes out. Joking, again! She hasn't said anything of the kind. At least not where I've heard it. She might constantly be bitching about you for all I know, but she hasn't said anything horrid about you to me. Promise! Peter's intelligent, a good laugh and an all round good bloke. You can depend on Peter.
So, put in a few good words about me with your sister, and I'll take your order. Come on, Petunia, this is too good a deal for you to pass up!
Sure you'll show more sense than your sister and agree with me,
James Potter.
My name is James Potter and I'm the soon-to-be boyfriend of your sister. This is a widely acknowledged fact. Acknowledged by pretty much everyone, to be honest, apart from Lily. This is a bit of a pain, and so I thought I'd write to you and get you on the 'Make Lily See Sense' team! No badges for the team, I'm afraid, or uniforms either. What's in this for you, you might be thinking, if there are no badges of uniforms. Good question, Pet (I can call you Pet, can't I? I promise you won't have to call me Master, unless you find the idea irresistible, of course! I wouldn't stop you if you had your heart set on it!) and one I'm glad you asked.
I have three best mates. I can pimp out arrange an intimate little soiree for you and the bloke of your choice. Just as soon as Lily's agreed to a date with me.
You'd probably fancy Sirius. Most girls do. Tall, dark, handsome. Usual routine. But also very clever and rich too. Impeccable pedigree, if you're interested. Good teeth and well-brushed hair as well. I'd recommend Sirius simply because all your friends would be jealous. However, he is high maintenance and a bit destructive. You might prefer Remus. Remus is a wonderful bloke. Quite good-looking, good brain and a good sense of humour.
Remus is probably more serious relationship material than Sirius, I think. Certainly not as destructive, unless you get him at the wrong time of the month. His month, not yours. I wouldn't dream of suggesting you get to be a temperamental bitch when you're having your period! Except I kind of just did. Joking! Only drawback with Remus is that he'd need some time to himself a few days a month. You could handle that though, couldn't you? You'd want alone time anyway wouldn't you? To paint your nails and watch weepy movies on television and do girly stuff like that. You'd need time alone because, as far as I know, Remus doesn't paint his nails or watch chick-flicks.
Last but not least is Peter. I really think you could be happy with Peter. He's, alright, not as good-looking as Sirius or Remus, but I'm sure you're not as shallow and superficial as Lily makes out. Joking, again! She hasn't said anything of the kind. At least not where I've heard it. She might constantly be bitching about you for all I know, but she hasn't said anything horrid about you to me. Promise! Peter's intelligent, a good laugh and an all round good bloke. You can depend on Peter.
So, put in a few good words about me with your sister, and I'll take your order. Come on, Petunia, this is too good a deal for you to pass up!
Sure you'll show more sense than your sister and agree with me,
James Potter.