soo...
i haven't been on here in 54 weeks it says... damn.
but i thought i would just vent right now while i'm waiting to go to my grnadmothers.
adam and i had yet another wonderful split.. i left in august.. 8 months pregnant.. and came to new york to live with my aunt. since then.. i've met somebody who really makes me smile.. but at the same time pisses me off. why? because he's not my husband. he's a great guy.. and a lot of things say to stay with him.. but my heart keeps running back to the man i married.. which is normal.. because when i left it wasn't out of hate.. it was a desperate attempt to find some kind of peace in my last months of pregnancy. adam and i had a terirble summer. all we did was fight and grow distant.. finally enough was enough and i left. when i got here we fought and fought.. and then tried to make things work.. but then i started hanging out with chris.. and i didn't want to stop spending time with him and i made my choice so adam says.. well.. he had a "best friend" after i left.. named norma.. and his relationship with her was "strictly platonic" as he told me.. and whatever. i didn't believe him from minute one. when dylan was born on oct. 7 he came out the same day.. and stayed for 2 weeks.. and we talked about a lot.. and i told him i wanted to see where things went with chris.. because my mind was telling me it was the smart thing to do.. but my heart kept saying "shut the fuck up kay.. you don't know what you're talking about.. you need your husband and the father of your child" well i said "fuck you heart i'm not going to put myself in that mess again" and i convinced adam it's what i really wanted. he finally told me he had feelings for norma.. and he went home 2 weeks ago and made her his girlfriend the fuckign day he got back. i couldn't believe it. this girl.. had my husband. and all i can think about is how they lay in OUR bed.. and they do things WE used to do.. movies.. disneyland.. play video games.. watch our stupid shows.. she does all that with him now.. and it beats the living shit out of my brain. and a few days ago.. adam said he was thinking about working it out with me again.. he still loves me i know he does.. but i think he's the kind of guy (as i am that kind of girl) who will just enojy the company he has in front of him and try not to think about the company he could have thats far away. i started to finally get over adam this past monday. chris and i kissed (not our first kiss, but def a landmark kiss) and i felt something.. this feeling surged through my body from the ends of my hair to the tip of my toes.. and at that moment i started to get over him. and then he tells me this shit this week. and i want it to be true. i want it to be real.. but at the same time.. i'm like.. meh whatevs. because i can feel my heart just falling away from him. i mean. he'll always have a piece of me.. but things are changing. i know he needs to really think about thigns.. but he better make his move soon.
but i thought i would just vent right now while i'm waiting to go to my grnadmothers.
adam and i had yet another wonderful split.. i left in august.. 8 months pregnant.. and came to new york to live with my aunt. since then.. i've met somebody who really makes me smile.. but at the same time pisses me off. why? because he's not my husband. he's a great guy.. and a lot of things say to stay with him.. but my heart keeps running back to the man i married.. which is normal.. because when i left it wasn't out of hate.. it was a desperate attempt to find some kind of peace in my last months of pregnancy. adam and i had a terirble summer. all we did was fight and grow distant.. finally enough was enough and i left. when i got here we fought and fought.. and then tried to make things work.. but then i started hanging out with chris.. and i didn't want to stop spending time with him and i made my choice so adam says.. well.. he had a "best friend" after i left.. named norma.. and his relationship with her was "strictly platonic" as he told me.. and whatever. i didn't believe him from minute one. when dylan was born on oct. 7 he came out the same day.. and stayed for 2 weeks.. and we talked about a lot.. and i told him i wanted to see where things went with chris.. because my mind was telling me it was the smart thing to do.. but my heart kept saying "shut the fuck up kay.. you don't know what you're talking about.. you need your husband and the father of your child" well i said "fuck you heart i'm not going to put myself in that mess again" and i convinced adam it's what i really wanted. he finally told me he had feelings for norma.. and he went home 2 weeks ago and made her his girlfriend the fuckign day he got back. i couldn't believe it. this girl.. had my husband. and all i can think about is how they lay in OUR bed.. and they do things WE used to do.. movies.. disneyland.. play video games.. watch our stupid shows.. she does all that with him now.. and it beats the living shit out of my brain. and a few days ago.. adam said he was thinking about working it out with me again.. he still loves me i know he does.. but i think he's the kind of guy (as i am that kind of girl) who will just enojy the company he has in front of him and try not to think about the company he could have thats far away. i started to finally get over adam this past monday. chris and i kissed (not our first kiss, but def a landmark kiss) and i felt something.. this feeling surged through my body from the ends of my hair to the tip of my toes.. and at that moment i started to get over him. and then he tells me this shit this week. and i want it to be true. i want it to be real.. but at the same time.. i'm like.. meh whatevs. because i can feel my heart just falling away from him. i mean. he'll always have a piece of me.. but things are changing. i know he needs to really think about thigns.. but he better make his move soon.