Strive to achieve; you need the confidence.
Watching Made on MTV has made me realize that I'm a badass. I'm a mothafuckin P.I.M.P. These people are terrible people. I feel so much pity for the Made people, because they need it. If it weren't for me, they would be moaning in vain. They've reached out and touched me, and I genuinely suck in the sap they spew at me through my TV screen. The last one I saw was about a girl, Ally, who wanted to join the "Cuda Flava Dancers", the dance team at Coral Reef High School, here in Miami. Since it's local, I decide to give this episode a chance. Little did I know I would be on the emotional ride of a lifetime.
First of all, let me try and clarify what the Cuda Flava Dancers are to most of you who probably don't know. Twisted, machiavellian troops of doom, they swivel their "money makers" in an effort to appear to entertain, but in reality, the truth is that underneath those ultra tight pants, mind control devices lay siege on our feeble minds. And since our minds have fortified armor, their siege weapons do EXTRA damage! I mean, they are made up primarily of attractive black females, with sexy bodies and great dance moves. They really put on a great show, and have school spirit up the wazoo.
Now let me try to explain the type of girl Ally is. According to my Picture Guestimate Analysis, I'm going to assume she weighs approximately 190 pounds, is 5'8 tall, and is white. She seems to have potential, but then you look again and realize it's just a mirage because her fat is refracting the light. I'm going to again clarify that I don't have anything against fat people. However, you must understand that as a fat person, there are certain things you can not do. A short list of those things would be: Wear tight clothing, Wear revealing clothing, Move too much, Eat too little, Look good, Feel healthy, etc. Chief among that list though, is that fat people are not allowed to join elite dance teams that perform routines which are physically very taxing. To enforce these rules, MTV tried to whip Ally into shape for the team tryouts. They hired a personal trainer to work with her so that she could look and feel her best. Of course, it's a "hot" guy with a "hot" ass that is totally "hot". So she goes gaga over him after the first day, and doesn't complain about the workout, but after she leaves, in a comment that left me in tears from laughter, he reveals "Tommorrow is gonna be fun" in that sarcastic way that can only imply that tommorrow won't actually be fun. So we see her running the next day with the trainer standing at the edge of the track watching her labor tiredly, yelling out positive reinforcement. "Come on!" and "No stopping! That's a walk, we need you to run!" are just a few of the reasons MTV pays this guy the big bucks. Of course, he realizes this half way through and decides to start jogging with her when he sees her crawling on the ground. She's a huge bitch, I can assure you.
After the disaster at the track, which I dubbed "Mission Accomplished Day" after accomplishing the mission of proving to me that she's fat, we go back to a sequence where she trains with her dance coach, TK. TK is a great coach; she's tough, influential, and always positive. She keeps Ally off the cookies and chips while she's around, and teaches her some dance moves. She instills a hip-hop attitude in her. When she asks Ally why she wants to join a hip-hop dance squad, Ally replies "I want to learn about Hip-Hop". "What do you know about Hip-Hop?" "Not much..." 'Nuff Said.
The expected turn for the worse comes at around the midpoint of the episode. She gets into a fight with TK because she didn't practice a move that TK showed her, and got mad at TK because TK did her job when she said "That was terrible. You look like you don't want to do this." Ally cries, moans, whimpers, but TK is steadfast in her position. "You can cry all you want, but you're not going to get better, and whether you like it or not I'm NOT gonna let you quit." Ally, blue about the turn of events, keeps crying. She denies the fact that she sucks, and decides to rebel against her personal trainer and TK. The next day at lunch, she eats a huge cheeseburger, cookies, and drinks a soda(I told you she's a huge bitch, she can't stop eating!) instead of the diet her personal trainer assigns her. She's supposed to be losing weight, not hoarding food like a Somalian warlord. She tells her trainer without any qualms, and then he says, comically, "Please tell me that was a veggie burger". I can't get enough of this guy!
Of course, things fix themselves magically (It's MTV for christ's sake) and she gets really good at dancing somehow, and loses like 5 inches off her waist. She's still a gelatinous mass of ass, but noticeable improvements show. Tryouts come, and she goes in. She has a GREAT tryout, she really did well. In the following 24 hours, she has to wait (Like a nervous wreck) for the list the next morning to see whether or not she Made™ it on to the team. Guess what America! She didn't make it! Haha, leave it to MTV to deliver the punchout ending. I'm sure a Kleenex box or two were on hand for some people who cried along with Ally as she wallowed in her defeat. Despair causes your mascara to run Ally, didn't your mommy teach you? But don't worry, because even though you didn't make it, you can still dance in the pep rallys, and everyone will cheer for some strange reason. And, TK is proud, which means you had to have done something right, Ally.
MTV has upped the ante on quality programming.
First of all, let me try and clarify what the Cuda Flava Dancers are to most of you who probably don't know. Twisted, machiavellian troops of doom, they swivel their "money makers" in an effort to appear to entertain, but in reality, the truth is that underneath those ultra tight pants, mind control devices lay siege on our feeble minds. And since our minds have fortified armor, their siege weapons do EXTRA damage! I mean, they are made up primarily of attractive black females, with sexy bodies and great dance moves. They really put on a great show, and have school spirit up the wazoo.
Now let me try to explain the type of girl Ally is. According to my Picture Guestimate Analysis, I'm going to assume she weighs approximately 190 pounds, is 5'8 tall, and is white. She seems to have potential, but then you look again and realize it's just a mirage because her fat is refracting the light. I'm going to again clarify that I don't have anything against fat people. However, you must understand that as a fat person, there are certain things you can not do. A short list of those things would be: Wear tight clothing, Wear revealing clothing, Move too much, Eat too little, Look good, Feel healthy, etc. Chief among that list though, is that fat people are not allowed to join elite dance teams that perform routines which are physically very taxing. To enforce these rules, MTV tried to whip Ally into shape for the team tryouts. They hired a personal trainer to work with her so that she could look and feel her best. Of course, it's a "hot" guy with a "hot" ass that is totally "hot". So she goes gaga over him after the first day, and doesn't complain about the workout, but after she leaves, in a comment that left me in tears from laughter, he reveals "Tommorrow is gonna be fun" in that sarcastic way that can only imply that tommorrow won't actually be fun. So we see her running the next day with the trainer standing at the edge of the track watching her labor tiredly, yelling out positive reinforcement. "Come on!" and "No stopping! That's a walk, we need you to run!" are just a few of the reasons MTV pays this guy the big bucks. Of course, he realizes this half way through and decides to start jogging with her when he sees her crawling on the ground. She's a huge bitch, I can assure you.
After the disaster at the track, which I dubbed "Mission Accomplished Day" after accomplishing the mission of proving to me that she's fat, we go back to a sequence where she trains with her dance coach, TK. TK is a great coach; she's tough, influential, and always positive. She keeps Ally off the cookies and chips while she's around, and teaches her some dance moves. She instills a hip-hop attitude in her. When she asks Ally why she wants to join a hip-hop dance squad, Ally replies "I want to learn about Hip-Hop". "What do you know about Hip-Hop?" "Not much..." 'Nuff Said.
The expected turn for the worse comes at around the midpoint of the episode. She gets into a fight with TK because she didn't practice a move that TK showed her, and got mad at TK because TK did her job when she said "That was terrible. You look like you don't want to do this." Ally cries, moans, whimpers, but TK is steadfast in her position. "You can cry all you want, but you're not going to get better, and whether you like it or not I'm NOT gonna let you quit." Ally, blue about the turn of events, keeps crying. She denies the fact that she sucks, and decides to rebel against her personal trainer and TK. The next day at lunch, she eats a huge cheeseburger, cookies, and drinks a soda(I told you she's a huge bitch, she can't stop eating!) instead of the diet her personal trainer assigns her. She's supposed to be losing weight, not hoarding food like a Somalian warlord. She tells her trainer without any qualms, and then he says, comically, "Please tell me that was a veggie burger". I can't get enough of this guy!
Of course, things fix themselves magically (It's MTV for christ's sake) and she gets really good at dancing somehow, and loses like 5 inches off her waist. She's still a gelatinous mass of ass, but noticeable improvements show. Tryouts come, and she goes in. She has a GREAT tryout, she really did well. In the following 24 hours, she has to wait (Like a nervous wreck) for the list the next morning to see whether or not she Made™ it on to the team. Guess what America! She didn't make it! Haha, leave it to MTV to deliver the punchout ending. I'm sure a Kleenex box or two were on hand for some people who cried along with Ally as she wallowed in her defeat. Despair causes your mascara to run Ally, didn't your mommy teach you? But don't worry, because even though you didn't make it, you can still dance in the pep rallys, and everyone will cheer for some strange reason. And, TK is proud, which means you had to have done something right, Ally.
MTV has upped the ante on quality programming.