Seeing Myself in Others
Recently, a friend asked me to watch an episode of "Intervention" on the A&E Network wherein a woman named Kim, who was recently divorced, unemployed, living with her parents and dying from anorexia, was confronted by her family to attend an intensive eating disorder treatment facility.
When I agreed to watch the episode, I never imagined how much of myself I would see in Kim. So many of her words and beliefs about herself rang true in me as well. I cried as I watched her struggle with demons that were larger than anyone around her could understand.
Some of the same sentiments that her family members were expressing, had been expressed by my own family only a year ago. At that time, I believed they were complicating my life, forcing me to make decisions I didn't feel qualified to make. I promised I would go and admit myself for treatment and made an appointment with the enrollment counselor.
I was sent to the wrong facility and once I found the right one, the person I needed to see had gone home for the day and I was re-directed to a third source. I was so frustrated by that time that I gave up and went home. I didn't want them to let me go home. I had finally been worn down enough to go into treatment and in the end, I didn't go. My family, my therapist and colleagues were very disappointed in me and I was too weak to argue my point.
As the days passed, I was met with the reality of my situation and forced, like Kim was, to make some hard choices about my circumstances. Kim was stronger than I was. She took her family's intervention and successfully completed a treatment program. I did not, and find myself continuing to struggle with issues that should no longer take up space in my life.
For the fist time in a long time, I saw some of myself in another person. It made me sad to know that someone else could hurt so much. But I also realized that I may not be as alone or hopeless as I sometimes believe I am.
There is strength in numbers. There is reassurance in the fact that someone else can relate to and understand my situation without judging me for it. The hard part is not judging myself.
I do not know the woman in the program and our paths will probably never cross. But her willingness to be so open and honest about her situation impacted me in a way I had not anticipated.
Although my eating disorder continues to be something I have to actively work on, I am in a better place now. I am maintaining a healthy weight and trying to focus more on being healthy than being thin. Those around me know how hard I have worked to get to where I am and work hard to support me in my efforts.
People like Kim give me a great deal of encouragement. Although we are complete strangers, our lives have many similarities. Perhaps that is the larger lesson here. In a world of billions, we are never truly alone. The challenge becomes finding other people who can relate to who we are and show us how to love the darkest parts of ourselves.
When I agreed to watch the episode, I never imagined how much of myself I would see in Kim. So many of her words and beliefs about herself rang true in me as well. I cried as I watched her struggle with demons that were larger than anyone around her could understand.
Some of the same sentiments that her family members were expressing, had been expressed by my own family only a year ago. At that time, I believed they were complicating my life, forcing me to make decisions I didn't feel qualified to make. I promised I would go and admit myself for treatment and made an appointment with the enrollment counselor.
I was sent to the wrong facility and once I found the right one, the person I needed to see had gone home for the day and I was re-directed to a third source. I was so frustrated by that time that I gave up and went home. I didn't want them to let me go home. I had finally been worn down enough to go into treatment and in the end, I didn't go. My family, my therapist and colleagues were very disappointed in me and I was too weak to argue my point.
As the days passed, I was met with the reality of my situation and forced, like Kim was, to make some hard choices about my circumstances. Kim was stronger than I was. She took her family's intervention and successfully completed a treatment program. I did not, and find myself continuing to struggle with issues that should no longer take up space in my life.
For the fist time in a long time, I saw some of myself in another person. It made me sad to know that someone else could hurt so much. But I also realized that I may not be as alone or hopeless as I sometimes believe I am.
There is strength in numbers. There is reassurance in the fact that someone else can relate to and understand my situation without judging me for it. The hard part is not judging myself.
I do not know the woman in the program and our paths will probably never cross. But her willingness to be so open and honest about her situation impacted me in a way I had not anticipated.
Although my eating disorder continues to be something I have to actively work on, I am in a better place now. I am maintaining a healthy weight and trying to focus more on being healthy than being thin. Those around me know how hard I have worked to get to where I am and work hard to support me in my efforts.
People like Kim give me a great deal of encouragement. Although we are complete strangers, our lives have many similarities. Perhaps that is the larger lesson here. In a world of billions, we are never truly alone. The challenge becomes finding other people who can relate to who we are and show us how to love the darkest parts of ourselves.