(no subject)

[come_below_me]

so since ive been on edge & been in that questioning period for a couple weeks now, i finally broke down. with all other things going such as my sponsor and i ending our relationship and the conflict between my sponsee and friends, ive pushed the program away from me. today, i was at the point where i just wanted to end the relationship with one sponsee. after the meeting tonight, i talked to a friend who i have a lot of respect for and also someone i look up to. it all came out, including a flood. he already kind of knew what was going on with me and one of the things that struck me was that he said, "you look like you are ready to leave the program." i feel like i am and that i want to. he also questioned my motives for wanting to terminate the relationship. really it came down to that i didnt want to deal with it anymore.

it was suggested that i do a gratitude list as well. which i havent done since step 4, which is a real long time ago.

i am greatful for...
+my recovery
+shelter & security
+food & water
+friends & family
+a portable cd player & rechargeable batteries & a copeius amount of cds
+aphone & phone numbers
+school & my student placement
+work & a paycheck
+for the path a have followed
+that i am able to serve
+to have dignity & respect for myself
+intelligence & the power of the question
+education & education fund
+to be alive & living
+to be able to see life in reality
+to have conscious awareness of my actions
+not living everyday in chaos
+the ability to wake up in the morning & wanting to face the world
+dreads & long hair
+the ability to see through the lies

thank you, that helped
now i think i can actually sleep tonight