I'm really optimistic
that life is getting way better. That it will get way better.
I'm thinking about going back to school. I'm also actually considering the idea of considering the idea of leaving the park.
I found a similarly structured online program at one-third the cost of what I was paying for my other schooling, but it seems to have better professors... so we'll see. I can always give it a try and then if it doesn't work out do something else.
Also, I think some of my dismal-ness came from reverse culture shock/not being (feeling?) in control of my life, and not having money.
Now that I have a job and a stable place to live and I don't have a female to get emotionally worked up about (in positive and negative ways) I'm just feeling... good. I may see about overseeing housing at Old Faithful in November, which would mean I wouldn't have much of a break or any break at all. I'm also totally okay with staying in the park for the next couple of years if it means I can work on school while I am here.
Also, I think my indecisive decision to distance myself from God/Christianity was poorly founded. It caused me to quite seriously explore all the alternatives, and it really has left me feeling drawn to the Christian tradition. Do I think the grand mass of Christian churches are grossly imperfect? Yes. So did Jesus in his revelation to John on the island of Patmos. These Christian elements of grace and forgiveness are really captivating, and I think I can come to terms with some of my questions if I just approach Christianity with a different view of truth. I've been brought up to think of Truth as being an unchanging reality that can be known. We can't really know Truth, though. We just have our own truths based on our experiences, and our subjective truths may or may not correspond to Truth in different ways.
For example, are people at a Pentecostal tent revival being healed by unseen angels? Or are they being healed by the Holy Spirit shooting power through peoples hands into the sick? Or are they being healed by cellular energy that can be tracked in a lab? Or are they being healed by unseen vibrations that science has not yet but soon will discover/understand? Or are they all true?
Do teenagers at Jesus camp come to the altar in droves because God has called them or is it because the worship leader's bass created an emotional response? Who knows.
I think the problem we have is that we've been taught to think that only one thing can be true. A = A and B = B, but A does not = B. The wild thing is that this is not actually true. A can equal B. One thing can be present in two places at the same time and in the same sense. Metaphysics. It really is maddening, but I feel like I'm working through the madness to come out at another side. A side that few people ever reach. *shrug*
Or maybe I'm just hyped up on Mountain Dew and all of this writing is nonsense. What I'm trying to say is this: Knowing that there are many explanations for things, I'm going to work on understanding the universe from the perspective of the Christian tradition. It really will be subjectively true, and I'll know that, but how that effects my life is more important than how accurately it may or may not relate to capital T Truth. Like someone once wrote, "I am far more certain of what is kind than I am of what is true."
I'm thinking about going back to school. I'm also actually considering the idea of considering the idea of leaving the park.
I found a similarly structured online program at one-third the cost of what I was paying for my other schooling, but it seems to have better professors... so we'll see. I can always give it a try and then if it doesn't work out do something else.
Also, I think some of my dismal-ness came from reverse culture shock/not being (feeling?) in control of my life, and not having money.
Now that I have a job and a stable place to live and I don't have a female to get emotionally worked up about (in positive and negative ways) I'm just feeling... good. I may see about overseeing housing at Old Faithful in November, which would mean I wouldn't have much of a break or any break at all. I'm also totally okay with staying in the park for the next couple of years if it means I can work on school while I am here.
Also, I think my indecisive decision to distance myself from God/Christianity was poorly founded. It caused me to quite seriously explore all the alternatives, and it really has left me feeling drawn to the Christian tradition. Do I think the grand mass of Christian churches are grossly imperfect? Yes. So did Jesus in his revelation to John on the island of Patmos. These Christian elements of grace and forgiveness are really captivating, and I think I can come to terms with some of my questions if I just approach Christianity with a different view of truth. I've been brought up to think of Truth as being an unchanging reality that can be known. We can't really know Truth, though. We just have our own truths based on our experiences, and our subjective truths may or may not correspond to Truth in different ways.
For example, are people at a Pentecostal tent revival being healed by unseen angels? Or are they being healed by the Holy Spirit shooting power through peoples hands into the sick? Or are they being healed by cellular energy that can be tracked in a lab? Or are they being healed by unseen vibrations that science has not yet but soon will discover/understand? Or are they all true?
Do teenagers at Jesus camp come to the altar in droves because God has called them or is it because the worship leader's bass created an emotional response? Who knows.
I think the problem we have is that we've been taught to think that only one thing can be true. A = A and B = B, but A does not = B. The wild thing is that this is not actually true. A can equal B. One thing can be present in two places at the same time and in the same sense. Metaphysics. It really is maddening, but I feel like I'm working through the madness to come out at another side. A side that few people ever reach. *shrug*
Or maybe I'm just hyped up on Mountain Dew and all of this writing is nonsense. What I'm trying to say is this: Knowing that there are many explanations for things, I'm going to work on understanding the universe from the perspective of the Christian tradition. It really will be subjectively true, and I'll know that, but how that effects my life is more important than how accurately it may or may not relate to capital T Truth. Like someone once wrote, "I am far more certain of what is kind than I am of what is true."