(no subject)
i guess it was pretty uncalled for when i started liking peter again, strictly on the basis of what i observed him doing during my 42 minute music period, where i strategically chose a chair at another table, so it would appear accidental, but also facing him so that while mr yaski went off on his tangents about how we can remember the whole note is the note that looks like an egg, i would be able to watch him rest his head in his hands&listen to every little comment he made. but unfortunately, me liking him seemed like a completely impossible situation considering we hadn't said a word to eachother since we started going out in october then 2 days later i met matt&then selfishly avoided him&ultimately broke up with to go out with matt. but of course, like everyone does when they have a problem, i told my best friend, but my best friend happens to have the biggest mouth out of any of the people that i know. she's also friends with peter. SO as soon as she found out, peter's best friend nick found out,&then i'm sure he told peter soon after, then everybody knew. but what did i care? i wasn't ashamed that i liked him. a little bit ashamed that we hadn't talked in 6 months at all, sure, but not everybody knew that, to their knowledge i could have been going out with peter that whole time. but i wasn't, unfortunately. but i had my reasons at the time, i mean, besides being a psycho bitch, i thought i had nothing in common with him&some of my friends who aren't even friends with him, so i don't know why i listened to them, but some of them were telling me that he was only going out with me for "ass". so whatever, i broke up with him&we hadn't talked since then, but it was beyond just not talking, we didn't even acknowledge eachother, or make eye contact for that matter ... to summarize, it was a really bad break up. ANYWAY, like i said before, it kind of threw me&everybody else off when i started liking him again, but i guess it's not like i can't control my feelings, but then again ... who knows.
i've drifted way off from what i originally wanted to write about, so let me get back on topic, yesterday i went home with julia&she told me earlier that she was taking on the challenge of trying to "hook me up" with peter, so she called him&told him i was there&to come over. so he came to her house a few minutes later, julia's sister amanda hates the poor kid because julia told her all about him being the "serial dater" that he is&she just doesn't like him i guess. prejudging. so he comes over&i finished eating the grilled cheese that i was making, we weren't really talking at first, it was kind of awkward, but then, we left&began to wander around tappan aimlessly like we so often do, we took peter to that little river by the library to sit under the bridge&just talk.&we longboarded, i thought it would be easier for me since i snowboard, but i also thought that about skateboarding&... no. so i would stand on the thing&go for a little while, a few times julia would think i wanted to go faster, i don't know where she was getting that from but she would kick the board while i was stepping off so that it flew out from underneath me&i went in 1 direction while it flew into the middle of the road, i swear, if someone died on western highway, it was probably because of us. then we headed towards peter's house&i stood on the longboard while he pushed me the whole way, i complained&said i could do it myself&all of that, but i didn't mind,&i guess he could tell because he did it all the way to his house. when we got to his house julia went over to the swing&me&peter lied down on his hammock.&we just talked.&talked&talked&talked&talked. we lied there for about an hour just, you guessed it, talking. but it was the most amazing feeling, finally getting the attention of someone that you like so much¬ just their attention, their complete&total focus, completely on you, to the point of their cellphone ringing them&them taking it out of their pocket&without even hesitating just throwing it so that you are the only thing it the world they cares about, even if it's just for that second. no one has ever given me that kind of attention but i sure as hell could get used to it.
plus, kate said that we're too cute for words.
then, to top it all off i went walking with sam&had a MARVELOUS time. i'm just really happy right now. well actually, i was in a really bad mood when i came home today, but now that i wrote that&realized how good everything really is, it's really good.