An aching inside speaking to me ....
Ever feel like the world is just crashing down on your face all at once. I do. And disgustingly enough, it happens far to often. You know, I've been sitting here for about 3 and a half hours, digging to the roots of my heart, soul, mind, and spirit. You know what I've found? A bunch of nothings, really. I'm tired of feeling this way. I'm tired of not fitting this worlds criteria. "Blah blah, Brittany you're a such a freakin brat!" That's whats goin' through the heads of many of you, right? Meh, maybe. Well, this is where I'm suppose to care, right? Wrong. For the most part. You know, according to my mother the reason I dont have friends, is the way I walk around this world. Maybe. But, do you care to know if I'm sorry or not. Or how about this... People change. I know that I've sure as hell changed in the past 4 years. For better, and worse. But, those of you that have given up, don't know. So that's just too damn bad, I suppose. I am blessed in so many ways it's not even funny. I've noticed in the past month or 2 how much I don't act so thankful for my blessings. I'm told not to beat myself up about things, but like today, I've tried to sit here and find something to just flatter the hell outta myself with, and build myself up. I can't find shit, especially when the weight of the world just smashed your face in. How can one be around another and bring each other up, and build each other when one is continuously dragging themself on the ground face first. You know that feeling after running like miles and miles, and your muscles are just so weak, you cant even stand? My body has that feeling. I've worn myself out man. You know what I need, to pull my head out of my freakin butt, and realize I dont need you. I don't need them. I dont need anything. Nobody. I need God. And I know it. But, I know some people aren't ready for that change in my life. As well as my stubborness, holding on tight. All the talk in the world won't fix anything. Not even us. Because, there is obviously something wrong with me right now that needs to be fixed. It's destroying you, and us. So I dont get it. But do i get anything anymore. I dont even know what i wrote anymore. And i bet anything this is going to cause more and more and more and moreeeeeeee crapppppppppppppp.
Bethany Dillon has about 4 songs that freakin make me want to just freakin give up on life. And restart. I dont know what to do about anything anymore. And there I go again, what I'm best at. complaining. whatever man.
"I only wanted to be strong, to be brave
But it's driven everyone away"
~Bethany Dillon
Bethany Dillon has about 4 songs that freakin make me want to just freakin give up on life. And restart. I dont know what to do about anything anymore. And there I go again, what I'm best at. complaining. whatever man.
"I only wanted to be strong, to be brave
But it's driven everyone away"
~Bethany Dillon