This is me.
This is a place holder untill i can find a better way to communicate like i used to. since ive deleted solid integrity, i havent been able to put any thoughts down, not like there were any. I ll make a new one soon, if i make any progress with this project.
Im a pretty pathetic individual now, after all this time has passed, but i decided to face this LJ to try and remember who i was.
Ive been lost, and thats all this military thing was always about, losing myself. I succeded.
Thats all ive been struggling with recently.
It was a step in the wrong direction.
I can see where i went wrong, where everything went downhill.
Around march-june 2006, My sexual frustrations encompassed me to the point where i gave myself anxiety and depression.
I brought everybody down, I pushed everyone away.
I relearned so much about my past in 30 mins.
I repressed everything before 2009, and now i can only remember the smallest bits and pieces.
Id give anything to remember the times i decided to forget.
Ive been lying to myself; i tell myself ive never been hurt before.
I guess this is what happens when you lie to yourself and repress shit.
I find it fucking mind boggling that once upon a time Rachel, Ruby, Maria, and a few others found me a good person to talk to. Like im literally in shock about it.
I found out that i am:
I am Adrienns Malice
I am Cristians Rejection
I am Kerstins Betrayal
I am Cynthias Abandonment
Theres probably more i dont remember. In fact, i know there is.
The more hurt i was, the less i remember.
These women are my mistakes, but ive kept running away from their memories and letting my failures consume me.
Not anymore. Im gonna learn from this shit.
The next username, and MY WHOLE UNYEILDING CONSCIOUSNESS is hereby DEDICATED to the pursuit of my lost personality and memories, moreover, to BULLDOZING over my fear of rebuilding my former friendships.
idc if this makes me seem needy, my life is falling apart, and im gonna be a fucking man about it.
Im a pretty pathetic individual now, after all this time has passed, but i decided to face this LJ to try and remember who i was.
Ive been lost, and thats all this military thing was always about, losing myself. I succeded.
Thats all ive been struggling with recently.
It was a step in the wrong direction.
I can see where i went wrong, where everything went downhill.
Around march-june 2006, My sexual frustrations encompassed me to the point where i gave myself anxiety and depression.
I brought everybody down, I pushed everyone away.
I relearned so much about my past in 30 mins.
I repressed everything before 2009, and now i can only remember the smallest bits and pieces.
Id give anything to remember the times i decided to forget.
Ive been lying to myself; i tell myself ive never been hurt before.
I guess this is what happens when you lie to yourself and repress shit.
I find it fucking mind boggling that once upon a time Rachel, Ruby, Maria, and a few others found me a good person to talk to. Like im literally in shock about it.
I found out that i am:
I am Adrienns Malice
I am Cristians Rejection
I am Kerstins Betrayal
I am Cynthias Abandonment
Theres probably more i dont remember. In fact, i know there is.
The more hurt i was, the less i remember.
These women are my mistakes, but ive kept running away from their memories and letting my failures consume me.
Not anymore. Im gonna learn from this shit.
The next username, and MY WHOLE UNYEILDING CONSCIOUSNESS is hereby DEDICATED to the pursuit of my lost personality and memories, moreover, to BULLDOZING over my fear of rebuilding my former friendships.
idc if this makes me seem needy, my life is falling apart, and im gonna be a fucking man about it.