[Fic] For Always - 15/24
Title: For Always
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun and Siwon/Hankyung (with possible additions)
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance/Angst/Fluff/The kitchen sink
Summary: The bookstore called "Soulmate" has been the most important thing in Kyuhyun's life. With it, he has built a fortress of brick and page around himself, one that can only be brought down from the inside -- both with love and with danger.
Hankyung has built a life of meaning, but finds no substance in it and lives in dreams. Dreams that, when they materialize, make him question his ability to reach and hold on when he wants nothing less.
***
Chapter One ** Chapter Two ** Chapter Three ** Chapter Four ** Chapter Five ** Chapter Six ** Chapter Seven ** Chapter Eight ** Chapter Nine ** Chapter Ten **
Chapter Eleven ** Chapter Twelve ** Chapter Thirteen ** Chapter Fourteen ** Chapter Fifteen ** Chapter Sixteen
***
Chapter Fifteen
***
Henry was woken out of deep sleep, buried in a disconcerting nest of pillows. He grunted as Donghae’s elbow dug into his stomach as he reached for his phone.
“Hello? Uncle. Yes, sir. I’m free. Yes, sir. Of course, sir.”
He was half back asleep as the bed rocked, Donghae sitting up as he spoke. Henry gasped as his jeans hit his face, Donghae having launched himself to the floor.
“Get up,” Donghae hissed, throwing down his phone. “You have to go.”
“What?” Still, as he was asked, he rolled out of bed and tugged on his pants.
“Someone’s coming over. You can’t be here. I knew it was a bad idea for you to stay last night.” He all but shouted it back as he ran from the room. “I knew. I’m so stupid. Please hurry.”
He was hurrying, struggling into his sweatshirt even as Donghae was shoving his book bag into his arms. They jumped as a loud knock sounded on the door.
“He must have been downstairs,” Donghae moaned. “Don’t say anything. Pretend to be shy. Okay? Okay?”
“Okay!”
Who was it behind the door that inspired so much panic in the easygoing Donghae? He sat where Donghae pointed, and listened intently as Donghae opened the door.
“Uncle!” he said, a note of cheer in his voice that was unlike anything Henry had heard from him. “Welcome.”
“You haven’t been around in a while, kid. Have to make sure you’re still in the game.”
“Of course. You know that.”
The man, in his fifties and on the verge of heavyset didn’t appear as though he agreed, but his attention was diverted when he spotted Henry immediately.
“Oh, I see. You found something more fun.”
“This is my boyfriend, Henry,” Donghae said, and Henry stood, bowing politely. Boyfriend? Boyfriend, really?
“Not going to introduce me? I’m his uncle Lee,” the man said, and as much Donghae’s uncle as Henry was. The man took several moments to appraise Henry head to toe, and it made his skin crawl inexplicably. “He’s cute. Old enough?”
“Of course!” Donghae declared, aghast. “He goes to school with me.”
“What do you do for money, Henry?” the man asked, because he certainly wasn’t going to think of him as Donghae’s uncle.
“I work in a bookstore...”
“At the university,” Donghae added.
“Donghae drops in and bothers me a lot,” Henry said, playing off what Donghae had said and trying to keep his face even.
“Fascinating. You let Donghae know if you ever want some more “exciting” work.”
He nodded deferentially, though he could see in Donghae’s eyes that it would never happen. Who was this man and why was Donghae frightened of him?
“Come by more often,” the man told Donghae, and smirked at Henry. “Then I won’t have to interrupt your love nest next time. Nothing new to tell me?”
“No, sir. Nothing.”
“Good. I’ll let you get back to what you were doing.”
Donghae saw him to the door and he raced to Henry’s side when the door closed. They collapsed against the wall, wrapped tight together.
“I’m so sorry, so sorry. He was never supposed to meet you. Never,” Donghae said, moving close as though he had just fallen into an icy pond. He had about a thousand questions.
“It’s okay. It wasn’t that bad,” he told Donghae, trying to reassure him a little. “You’re shaking. Who was he? That’s not really your uncle is it?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t tell you. So sorry, Henry.” He didn’t protest as Donghae kissed him. “Come back to bed?”
“Er. We have class soon...”
“Can we skip today? Please?”
Donghae pulled Henry close as soon as they scooted into the bed, as though he wanted as much of Henry close as possible. He knew something was still off, even as they began to kiss, Donghae almost desperate in clutching Henry’s head. But that barely went on a minute when Donghae shuddered, burying his face in Henry’s neck.
“Hey, are you okay? Is he... Are you in trouble, Donghae? Is he trying to hurt you?”
“No,” was the plaintive answer.
“Are you sure?” he asked, shaking Donghae slightly. “You’re not in any danger?”
“I’m not in any danger. I’m sorry I can’t tell you anything else. I... If you ever see him on the street, go the other way, okay?”
“Okay.”
Donghae kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”
He wondered what it was that Donghae couldn’t tell him, even as he fought to see Donghae smile.
***
Zhou Mi’s apartment was a bit like he had expected in some ways, and unexpected in others. There were two folding chairs, and no couch to speak of, circled around a tiny TV. He saw the bookshelves immediately, as they took up the entire facing wall. That he had definitely expected. As he stepped up, turned, he froze. Half of the wall the door stood in was taken up with a painting. He thought it was a painting. Possibly an explosion. Of orange and yellow and green. He tilted his head. Was it a flower? Ten flowers? A hundred?
“Should that come with sunglasses?” he wondered out loud, and Zhou Mi laughed from where he had disappeared with their dinner into what was obviously the kitchen.
“It was Heechul’s idea of a housewarming present, to liven things up in here he said.”
“It does that.”
“He said I was too stodgy.”
“Stodgy?” He stared at Zhou Mi’s back, the bright blue shirt bunched slightly where it had been shoved into the waistband of his slacks. Not the word he’d have chosen.
“That was how I asked, too.”
He wandered closer, watching Zhou Mi unpack the to-go boxes, wanting to press his face just there, between his shoulder blades.
“Here,” Zhou Mi said, waving him up. “Try this.”
He gingerly lifted the piece of chicken from Zhou Mi’s fingers. Possibly too gingerly, barely brushing those fingertips with his teeth before Zhou Mi drew back, sucking the remnant of the sauce from his own fingers.
“That’s good,” he said, tearing his eyes from Zhou Mi’s mouth and back to the plates.
“My best not-home cooking,” Zhou Mi said cheerfully.
Kyuhyun let out a breathy laugh as Zhou Mi set the plates on his small kitchen table, tweaking the bench in front of it. Ushering Kyuhyun to slide in before him.
“Sorry, I don’t have much furniture. I could get one of the chairs..?”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry… It’s not like I’ve never sat on a bench before.”
None of it was the real problem, not the bench or the table or the company. It was knowing after this, after relaxing, getting ready...that they would prepare to sleep.
He picked at his food. Trying to consistently push enough food into his mouth so that Zhou Mi didn’t give him the concerned look he had seen before. It was good, but his stomach felt like it was grinding metal.
They discussed the newest book journal that had arrived, and it took his mind only partly away from his anxiety. His comments and answers were short, to the point. Bordering on rude as he brushed away one of Zhou Mi’s opinions. He breathed through his teeth at times, so tightly fastened on his lower lip... If Zhou Mi noticed the tension in him, he didn’t mention it.
“Are you finished?”
“Yes,” he said, more sharply than he had intended. There was still quite a bit of food left on the plate, despite his intentions.
“Did you not like it? I could get you something else. I have...”
“I’m fine,” Kyuhyun interrupted. “Really. Just... Not that hungry.”
“I’ll just clean up here quickly. If you want to look around?”
He did not make it far, ending at the living room. He trailed his fingers along book spines. They weren’t organized by author or title, or even size… A mishmash of non-fiction and novels, joined like good friends on the shelves. Some Korean, some not. He imagined if he asked, Zhou Mi could find a title on the shelf without thinking hard, intimately aware of each of them. He was the same. He needed no order, just familiarity. It was strangely comforting to him to know it.
The lack of comfortable chairs told him the likely reading place of choice was his bed. It was funny how much you could learn about a person, just like that.
When he looked up from his perusal Zhou Mi already had his bag in hand.
“You don’t... If you want... Did you just want to sleep?”
He nodded wordlessly. There would be no useful distraction from it... If it was to all break down, then it might as well happen sooner rather than later. He couldn’t bear it much longer.
He was escorted in ahead of Zhou Mi into the only bedroom, and his eyes skidded away from the bed, focusing instead on the dresser, with a stack of books, and the bedside table with a stack of books, pens and stacked papers. Neat, not immaculate. Cozy, with a lot of blues to make it so. Would he sleep here tonight? He wondered. In that bed with the fluffy comforter. Or would he run?
Zhou Mi flipped on the bathroom light, setting his bag on the counter.
“If you need anything…?”
“Thanks,” he said, trying so hard for sincerity and feeling ice cold.
He stared at the hot water cascading over his hands and knuckles and clenched them tight. Please. Please let him be able to stay. Just this one night. Nothing more than this. Surely that was not too much to ask. Perhaps if he locked the bathroom door, curled in the tub…? Zhou Mi would freak out then. He could imagine him trying to open the door, or using his rather inconsiderably body weight to pummel it down. Someone would be injured, and Kyuhyun might never leave his bed, his own bed, ever again.
Then again, there was no written law that he had to stay. He could pick up his bag, walk out, and say it was a nice thought, but he was going home now, thank you. Why? Just because. He didn’t have his favorite pajamas, or the moon was full, or something. Then there would be Zhou Mi with the worried eyes, disappointed, maybe even angry. It was not worth the lies. He would either try to stay or just go. He had come to try, and so he would. Even if it meant shaming himself in front of Zhou Mi.
He could not even consider what Zhou Mi would think.
The same sat on the edge of the bed, hands folded in his lap like some angelic sculpture. As if he were waiting on some expected arrival. They passed each other silently, Zhou Mi’s eyes worried and wide. It was no wonder Zhou Mi worried, for how short Kyuhyun had been with him the last half hour. He held himself from reaching out, afraid that if he touched Zhou Mi, he wouldn’t let go. It wasn’t the first time he had thought that. He focused instead on hiding his trembling legs beneath the cover, a hand through his hair, the other clenched at his side. Frozen inside and shaking? He did not see how the two matched up. He took a deep breath, forced himself into some half state of relaxation. Pulled on every shred of outward control that he possessed. Focused on breathing, focused on knowing he could.
“You like that side, huh?” Zhou Mi asked with hesitant amusement, making Kyuhyun start as he hadn’t realized Zhou Mi had exited the bathroom.
“I guess. Is it… Would you rather be over here?”
“You’re fine,” he said, sliding into the opposite side. “I’m usually over here by the light, but it really doesn’t matter to me.”
The light clicked off and he felt cool fear wash over him, strangling him for a brief second. Fears of all varieties.
He was the biggest tease on the face of the planet. He knew Zhou Mi liked him. Loved him even. Sleep beside me but do not touch me. Hug me but do not kiss me. Be near me but do not say you love me. Everything he did was backward and wrong.
“You looked a little like Snow White,” Zhou Mi said, sounding a bit embarrassed that such a thing was coming out of his mouth.
Snow White had a glass coffin, he mused. It seemed more appealing than the intimate darkness with this man stretched out beside him. And that was wrong. That was so wrong.
He fished for Zhou Mi’s hand, nearly yelping when he found it, the hand warm and curled tight around his within a heartbeat.
“That’s nice,” Zhou Mi said, and he could hear the smile. He breathed in.
“I have to tell you something.”
It sounded pained to his own ears, spoken low and urgent, and Zhou Mi’s fingers squeezed.
“Yes?”
“You know about my father. My mother… clung to me, after that. Would barely let me go to school. She would double-check, triple-check, to see if I was in my bed at night. I have not slept outside of that apartment since before my father left. It’s been… over ten years.”
“This… is the first time?” Zhou Mi asked, unsure.
“No. I’ve tried. I’ve tried a dozen times or more. Every time, if I’m lucky enough to get to sleep, I’ll wake up in a panic, needing to leave, to go home, be safe. I’m telling you this because… Because if I… If I freak out during the night, if I have to leave, it’s not you, okay? It’s me.”
The light was suddenly back on and he grimaced, seeing Zhou Mi’s horrified face.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Zhou Mi asked, voice strained. “Before we left, you could have…”
“I wanted to see where you live.”
“But I wouldn’t have made you stay!”
“I wanted to!” he nearly shouted. “Want to. I don’t want to be confined anymore. I hoped this time might be different.”
“But it’s not different so far, is it?”
He let out a slow, shaky breath. “No.”
The light again went out, and the mattress dipped as Zhou Mi came near.
“I wondered why you were quieter than usual. I thought maybe you didn’t… Never mind what I thought.”
“I’m sorry. I’m stupid.”
“No, you’re not. Can you… lean on me? Maybe together, we…”
He let Zhou Mi draw him close, wrapping an arm around Zhou Mi’s ribs and inhaling deep against his shoulder. He wondered briefly if Zhou Mi knew that he needed to breathe, before the arms around him loosened.
“Kui Xian… Kui Xian,” he murmured against Kyuhyun’s temple. “I hope your sleep is untroubled.”
He hoped too, but he had no faith. The warmth of Zhou Mi’s presence melted the outer cold, their breathing in sync. And after a long while his eyes drooped, close, comforted.
It began as a tingle as he popped out of sleep. He could feel it, the panic starting beneath his ribs, pressing out until there was nothing else, no air, no space… Not tonight. Not tonight!
Zhou Mi sat up with him, scooting close immediately.
“It’s all right. Just breathe.”
“Zhou Mi…” A sudden thought struck him. “Kiss me, kiss me, and maybe…”
Perhaps it would distract him enough. Perhaps…
Zhou Mi’s fingers covered his lips.
“Not like this,” he said gently. “Come here.”
He shifted them both, so that Kyuhyun leaned back against Zhou Mi’s chest, folded against his body as Zhou Mi pulled the covers up closer, and hugged him gently.
“Breathe,” he murmured into Kyuhyun’s ear. “I’m here.”
He sang, voice high and clear, songs in Chinese that he did not understand. Sometimes he wondered if Zhou Mi actually sang words, or if it was simply nonsense. He did not try to sleep, merely focused on the sensation of Zhou Mi’s arms around him, the gentle movement side to side, the sweet voice. He started once in the middle, fingers surely digging painfully into Zhou Mi’s arms, but the voice continued without waver, nearly without pause. And he breathed.
He woke to a finger stroking his cheek. He nudged into the movement with a groan, and received an answering giggle. Zhou Mi’s smiling face hovered over his.
“Good morning.”
He blinked. Pale light was streaming through the window... Amazement and embarrassment both flooded him. He had done it. Stayed a full night away from the store. And at what cost? Rocked in Zhou Mi’s arms as he fought himself. Pleading for Zhou Mi to make him forget. Asking him to kiss him? Clearly he had not been in his right mind.
Zhou Mi could apparently see all of it on his face.
“You did good.”
“Your definition and my definition…”
“You’re still here. You were wonderful.”
“Yes, I am quite amazing,” he said, letting the sarcasm wash away some of his embarrassment.
“Do you think I don’t have problems? Next time, don’t you think it might be easier? Or the time after that?”
Maybe. Possibly. His body, his mind, knew how he had reacted, how to react when in certain situations. If he could show himself that that panic wasn’t necessary… Yes, it could get easier. Perhaps he wouldn’t go into the night expecting it. The little giddy trickle began to flow through him. It had been ten years since he had spent a night away from the store, and he played their conversation back through his head.
“No, you were wonderful.” He turned fully to face Zhou Mi. “I would have run the moment I woke up if it hadn’t been for you.”
“You fought it, though. I couldn’t do that for you. And you came here… You tried… I had no idea, when I invited you. You’re so strong, Kui Xian. When I saw you were afraid before you went to sleep, I wanted to take you home right away and protect you from it. I felt so stupid, doing that to you. I was… afraid you would hate me for making you feel that way.”
He only had reference to his own feelings. He had no idea what Zhou Mi would think. Except maybe to think him weak, and unacceptable. And this awe, and appreciation? What was he to do with that?
“For one thing, you didn’t invite me so much as tell me. Which is okay, because at least in that instance… I kind of liked it. And for another thing, you couldn’t have known… You didn’t do it maliciously. I wanted to come because you wanted me here. But I wanted to be… normal for you.”
Zhou Mi clearly could not help himself, cupping Kyuhyun’s face with his hand.
“You are much better than normal. You are Kui Xian, and that is wonderful to me.”
“Thank you.” For everything, he thought, briefly closing his eyes. Everything.
“Does that mean you owe me dinner, again?” Zhou Mi asked.
“I guess I do. I’m dating a really smart idiot.”
Zhou Mi’s laugh exploded and then quieted. He could see every eyelash, the way they swept wide in shock. “We’re dating?”
“We’ve been to dinner, haven’t we? And we’ve slept over… It sounds like it, doesn’t it?”
“I… guess it does.”
He smiled, stroking Zhou Mi’s chin with his fingertip.
“I hope… next time when I’m scared, when I remember I was able to stay away a full night... I hope I remember this.”
It was a perfect moment, he recalled. When he pressed his lips to Zhou Mi’s. There was only a small pause before Zhou Mi’s lips firmed, gently kissing back, even as a soft, welcoming sound melted through him. How could he have been scared of this? He probably screamed of inexperience, but he could not care, a satisfied smirk gracing his face as Zhou Mi gasped for air, eyes large and liquid.
“Did you forget to breathe?”
The dark eyes made him squirm inside.
“I was too busy being kissed,” Zhou Mi said, ever the slightest bit huffy, but soft too.
“You’re about to get mushy aren’t you?”
Zhou Mi propped himself up on his elbow, as if what he was about to say was too important to say as he had been. “Someone I love very much has just braved his fears to stay with me, and kissed me. I think I’m allowed to get mushy, just a bit?”
Love did not mean he would stay, Kyuhyun reminded himself, even as his head seemed to spin out of his control.
“I do love you, Kui Xian. I hope it’s okay for you to hear it.”
Kyuhyun waited until Zhou Mi had removed his lips from his cheek.
“You don’t call me Kyuhyun even then?”
“You don’t call me Mimi.”
He shrugged, looked up. “That was my first kiss, so don’t make me regret giving it to you.”
Zhou Mi’s face took on an expression as if he had just said he was made of diamond, and he stroked Kyuhyun’s hair. Apparently he didn’t notice that Kyuhyun had flushed a bright shade of red.
“May I have the second one too?”
He let out a breathy laugh so much different than the night before, and, as he had imagined yesterday in the shop, raised his face for Zhou Mi’s kiss.
As second kisses went it was soft, as though Zhou Mi were frightened of scaring him away. He sighed as Zhou Mi rubbed gentle circles on his neck and smiled at the answering sigh.
Zhou Mi pressed kisses along his jaw, whispering his name.
“How long before we have to leave?” he asked, poking Zhou Mi’s cheek with his nose.
“Not long.”
“I should get dressed then,” he said, groaning as he rolled and lifting a vain hand to ensure his hair wasn’t sticking up all over.
Zhou Mi slid off the bed right after him, and he was pulled into a full body hug, and as he gripped Zhou Mi, he thought this was rather like the position that had gotten them in trouble to begin with.
He pressed his lips to Zhou Mi’s neck, felt him almost purr in response before he tilted Kyuhyun’s head back.
“Kyuhyun,” he enunciated very clearly against Kyuhyun’s mouth.
“Mm. Very good. Mimi?”
“Hm?”
He grinned.
“Nothing.”
The laugh thrilled him.
“I do love you, Kui Xian.”
Something, anything to fill the burgeoning silence. He settled on a thought he had long since given in to.
“Sometimes I think you’re made of sunshine.”
“I’m glad,” Zhou Mi said, leaning close again and beaming in just the way he had inspired that thought. “How many kisses is that?” he asked, actually parting their mouths before speaking this time.
Kyuhyun blinked. “I lost count.”
Zhou Mi’s lips curved in satisfaction as he gave Kyuhyun one more. “Good.”
He was halfway into the bathroom before a thought occurred to him.
“Hey, where’s that stuff you were wearing the other night?”
Zhou Mi stepped up beside him, plucking the thumb-sized black bottle off of the counter to offer to him.
It didn’t have a suggestive name like “Sinfully Amazing” or “Made of Sex” he mused as he uncapped it, taking a whiff. He hummed, closing it and setting it back onto the counter.
He shrugged when he saw Zhou Mi’s questioning look. “I was right. It doesn’t smell nearly as good when it’s not on on you.”
He had to kick Zhou Mi out of the bathroom so that he could get dressed, or he would have been horribly late, and all because of big brown eyes and eager lips.
***
He nearly laughed when he saw Hankyung and Siwon, both bundled tight, in front of the store. Hankyung looked a bit stressed, and Siwon was ever so subtly running in place beside him
As soon as Zhou Mi saw them as well, he released his hand slowly, and Kyuhyun looked up, wondering why. Saw uncertainty there, not knowing how much Kyuhyun was comfortable with. In front of Hankyung and Siwon, there were no secrets.
“Good morning!” he said, and got answering replies from both of them.
He unlocked the store, waiting for the other three to enter in before closing it, making sure Zhou Mi did not edge away. He gripped the lapels of Zhou Mi’s coat, pulling him down for a solid, quick kiss. Holding him just long enough for Zhou Mi’s gloved hands to find a place on either side of his face. He grinned at the silly smile on Zhou Mi’s face.
“Go be fascinated by your notes again. I have better things to do.”
He accepted the quick peck and waited till Zhou Mi had waved to Hankyung and Siwon and disappeared before turning around.
“So?”
“You were able to stay the full night?” Hankyung asked, studying him.
“I was.”
Then Hankyung was hugging him and they might have jumped up and down once or twice before giving each other very manly pats on the back.
“I’m so glad. I hoped… I’m so glad.”
“Me too.” If he were any happier about it, he would be singing. “Did he worry very much about me?” he asked Siwon.
“I did,” Hankyung answered for him. “But he managed to take my mind off of it at least once.”
“Geng!” Siwon said, scandalized.
“What? It’s not like he doesn’t know.” But he squeezed Siwon’s hand in apology. “Yesterday you said you weren’t flirting and today you’re kissing. And you stayed the night.”
“I’m all grown up, Mommy.”
“Don’t make me give you the talk.”
“Guys,” Siwon said a bit nervously.
Kyuhyun laughed and then faltered. Sex. With Zhou Mi. That scent all around him, expanses of skin… He took two solid mental steps back from that precipice.
“I don’t think that’s necessary,” he said, hoping he was closer to white than flaming red. It had been a joking retort on Hankyung’s part, not meant seriously at all. With another calming breath, he pushed it from his mind entirely. All things in their time. And all he wanted now was to know that Zhou Mi was right where he was. And he had that. For right now.
***
Hankyung climbed over Siwon’s body in order to get into bed, and was captured, groaning as Siwon tickled him.
“I can’t believe you told him we...”
“You think he thinks we sleep beside each other holding hands? There’s no way I could have hidden that from him. Actually.” Hankyung cleared his throat. “He knew without me saying anything. So you must be pretty good, Mr. Choi...”
“Flattery will get you everywhere,” Siwon murmured against his collar bone. “But they’re sharing a bed? You don’t think..?”
“Same thing... I think I’d know, even if he didn’t say. And this is Kyuhyun we’re talking about. He’s not going to run quickly into anything. Definitely not something as revealing as that. I want this so badly for him. When his mother left, it was like the world had dropped him on his head. I know she needed to go... He needed to be away from her. It’s taken years for all the fear and guilt she laid on him to fade even to where he can accept this. If Zhou Mi were to...”
Siwon turned him, pulling him close. “All you could talk about last night was how you knew how much Zhou Mi loves him and how wonderful they were for each other. Don’t invite trouble. You said it yourself. He’s had time to get stronger. He’ll get stronger every day. He’s not the same person as he was back then. Let’s believe in them.”
He sighed, resting against Siwon’s chest. “You’re wonderful for me, you know that?”
“I do know that,” Siwon said, kissing the top of his head.
He laughed. “And modest, too.”
***
He was half awake the next morning when Siwon’s phone began to ring. He watched as Siwon scrambled out of bed, reaching for his jeans where his cell phone had been left. He tried not to laugh, seeing Siwon’s hand tug at his pajama pants, which were making a case for escape. If he had to guess, the elastic in the waistband hadn’t been functional for some time. Not that he minded the view of Siwon’s boxers in the least, but still, he made a mental note to check the size and get him a new pair. Buying clothes for each other. He grinned. And sobered as he began to listen to Siwon’s conversation.
“It’s all right. Don’t cry, sweetie. Tell me what’s troubling you.”
Siwon climbed back onto the bed, sliding over to press his face into Hankyung’s stomach.
“You can’t tell me? Yeah, Yunjee is well. Have you talked to Mom and Dad? They would have told you that Yunjee and I are moving in with... Hah. No, not with Mom and Dad. With Han Geng. I told you about him. He’s my pillow right now.” Siwon nudged up Hankyung’s shirt with his nose, pressing a gentle kiss to his stomach. “Yes, I’m very happy. We’re very happy. Yunjee thinks the world of him, and she’ll get to have a puppy. Nala. She’s really cute, yeah. You could visit and see? I know how much you love dogs too... Are you doing okay? I’m lucky? Okay. Okay. Call soon?”
As he hung up he pressed his face against Hankyung’s skin.
“She okay?” he asked, stroking Siwon’s hair.
“Sounds like she was upset when I answered - just asked me to talk to her. I don’t know what’s up with her. She’s never been this moody.” He pushed up, crawling the last couple of feet so that they could lay together, face to face. “She said something odd. Told me that I was lucky...not that I had you, though I am, but that I was lucky I was a man. What does that mean?”
He thought for a moment, studying Siwon’s face. And he thought of Yunjee. “Could she be in trouble?” he asked delicately.
Siwon moaned. “Mom and Dad would kill her. She couldn’t be. She’s my little sister. I don’t get it.”
“Maybe it’s just a bad time for her. Lonely. At least she has you. You’re a good brother. Sympathetic to her even when you don’t know what’s wrong. That must mean a lot to her.”
“Sweet Geng... Willing to share me.”
“Could I love you if I weren’t? Your family made you the man you are. I know she’ll let you know if she thinks you can help her.”
“Yeah,” Siwon said, smiling. “You’re right. Now, where’s my morning kiss?”
He grinned, meeting Siwon halfway, squirming closer as Siwon’s arm begged for it. Nothing deep or demanding, a true good morning kiss, greeting each other even after a night together. Siwon kissed his neck, and chuckled.
“Good morning, Yunjee.”
“Morning, Daddy,” came the sweet voice. She climbed onto the bed and tucked herself between them. Siwon kissed her head while she snuggled close.
“Are we sleeping at Geng’s house soon?” she asked.
“Soon. A couple of days. But you know, it won’t be Geng’s house if we’re there.”
“Really?” She craned her neck to look at Geng. “What will it be?”
“Our house,” Hankyung told her. “Home, for Yunjee and your daddy and me.”
“And Nala,” she added.
“And Nala.”
“I’ll like being home together.”
Siwon reached over to stroke his cheek, and they lay that way together until it was time to get up, the phone call pushed behind them.
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun and Siwon/Hankyung (with possible additions)
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance/Angst/Fluff/The kitchen sink
Summary: The bookstore called "Soulmate" has been the most important thing in Kyuhyun's life. With it, he has built a fortress of brick and page around himself, one that can only be brought down from the inside -- both with love and with danger.
Hankyung has built a life of meaning, but finds no substance in it and lives in dreams. Dreams that, when they materialize, make him question his ability to reach and hold on when he wants nothing less.
***
Chapter One ** Chapter Two ** Chapter Three ** Chapter Four ** Chapter Five ** Chapter Six ** Chapter Seven ** Chapter Eight ** Chapter Nine ** Chapter Ten **
Chapter Eleven ** Chapter Twelve ** Chapter Thirteen ** Chapter Fourteen ** Chapter Fifteen ** Chapter Sixteen
***
Chapter Fifteen
***
Henry was woken out of deep sleep, buried in a disconcerting nest of pillows. He grunted as Donghae’s elbow dug into his stomach as he reached for his phone.
“Hello? Uncle. Yes, sir. I’m free. Yes, sir. Of course, sir.”
He was half back asleep as the bed rocked, Donghae sitting up as he spoke. Henry gasped as his jeans hit his face, Donghae having launched himself to the floor.
“Get up,” Donghae hissed, throwing down his phone. “You have to go.”
“What?” Still, as he was asked, he rolled out of bed and tugged on his pants.
“Someone’s coming over. You can’t be here. I knew it was a bad idea for you to stay last night.” He all but shouted it back as he ran from the room. “I knew. I’m so stupid. Please hurry.”
He was hurrying, struggling into his sweatshirt even as Donghae was shoving his book bag into his arms. They jumped as a loud knock sounded on the door.
“He must have been downstairs,” Donghae moaned. “Don’t say anything. Pretend to be shy. Okay? Okay?”
“Okay!”
Who was it behind the door that inspired so much panic in the easygoing Donghae? He sat where Donghae pointed, and listened intently as Donghae opened the door.
“Uncle!” he said, a note of cheer in his voice that was unlike anything Henry had heard from him. “Welcome.”
“You haven’t been around in a while, kid. Have to make sure you’re still in the game.”
“Of course. You know that.”
The man, in his fifties and on the verge of heavyset didn’t appear as though he agreed, but his attention was diverted when he spotted Henry immediately.
“Oh, I see. You found something more fun.”
“This is my boyfriend, Henry,” Donghae said, and Henry stood, bowing politely. Boyfriend? Boyfriend, really?
“Not going to introduce me? I’m his uncle Lee,” the man said, and as much Donghae’s uncle as Henry was. The man took several moments to appraise Henry head to toe, and it made his skin crawl inexplicably. “He’s cute. Old enough?”
“Of course!” Donghae declared, aghast. “He goes to school with me.”
“What do you do for money, Henry?” the man asked, because he certainly wasn’t going to think of him as Donghae’s uncle.
“I work in a bookstore...”
“At the university,” Donghae added.
“Donghae drops in and bothers me a lot,” Henry said, playing off what Donghae had said and trying to keep his face even.
“Fascinating. You let Donghae know if you ever want some more “exciting” work.”
He nodded deferentially, though he could see in Donghae’s eyes that it would never happen. Who was this man and why was Donghae frightened of him?
“Come by more often,” the man told Donghae, and smirked at Henry. “Then I won’t have to interrupt your love nest next time. Nothing new to tell me?”
“No, sir. Nothing.”
“Good. I’ll let you get back to what you were doing.”
Donghae saw him to the door and he raced to Henry’s side when the door closed. They collapsed against the wall, wrapped tight together.
“I’m so sorry, so sorry. He was never supposed to meet you. Never,” Donghae said, moving close as though he had just fallen into an icy pond. He had about a thousand questions.
“It’s okay. It wasn’t that bad,” he told Donghae, trying to reassure him a little. “You’re shaking. Who was he? That’s not really your uncle is it?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t tell you. So sorry, Henry.” He didn’t protest as Donghae kissed him. “Come back to bed?”
“Er. We have class soon...”
“Can we skip today? Please?”
Donghae pulled Henry close as soon as they scooted into the bed, as though he wanted as much of Henry close as possible. He knew something was still off, even as they began to kiss, Donghae almost desperate in clutching Henry’s head. But that barely went on a minute when Donghae shuddered, burying his face in Henry’s neck.
“Hey, are you okay? Is he... Are you in trouble, Donghae? Is he trying to hurt you?”
“No,” was the plaintive answer.
“Are you sure?” he asked, shaking Donghae slightly. “You’re not in any danger?”
“I’m not in any danger. I’m sorry I can’t tell you anything else. I... If you ever see him on the street, go the other way, okay?”
“Okay.”
Donghae kissed his cheek. “Thank you.”
He wondered what it was that Donghae couldn’t tell him, even as he fought to see Donghae smile.
***
Zhou Mi’s apartment was a bit like he had expected in some ways, and unexpected in others. There were two folding chairs, and no couch to speak of, circled around a tiny TV. He saw the bookshelves immediately, as they took up the entire facing wall. That he had definitely expected. As he stepped up, turned, he froze. Half of the wall the door stood in was taken up with a painting. He thought it was a painting. Possibly an explosion. Of orange and yellow and green. He tilted his head. Was it a flower? Ten flowers? A hundred?
“Should that come with sunglasses?” he wondered out loud, and Zhou Mi laughed from where he had disappeared with their dinner into what was obviously the kitchen.
“It was Heechul’s idea of a housewarming present, to liven things up in here he said.”
“It does that.”
“He said I was too stodgy.”
“Stodgy?” He stared at Zhou Mi’s back, the bright blue shirt bunched slightly where it had been shoved into the waistband of his slacks. Not the word he’d have chosen.
“That was how I asked, too.”
He wandered closer, watching Zhou Mi unpack the to-go boxes, wanting to press his face just there, between his shoulder blades.
“Here,” Zhou Mi said, waving him up. “Try this.”
He gingerly lifted the piece of chicken from Zhou Mi’s fingers. Possibly too gingerly, barely brushing those fingertips with his teeth before Zhou Mi drew back, sucking the remnant of the sauce from his own fingers.
“That’s good,” he said, tearing his eyes from Zhou Mi’s mouth and back to the plates.
“My best not-home cooking,” Zhou Mi said cheerfully.
Kyuhyun let out a breathy laugh as Zhou Mi set the plates on his small kitchen table, tweaking the bench in front of it. Ushering Kyuhyun to slide in before him.
“Sorry, I don’t have much furniture. I could get one of the chairs..?”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry… It’s not like I’ve never sat on a bench before.”
None of it was the real problem, not the bench or the table or the company. It was knowing after this, after relaxing, getting ready...that they would prepare to sleep.
He picked at his food. Trying to consistently push enough food into his mouth so that Zhou Mi didn’t give him the concerned look he had seen before. It was good, but his stomach felt like it was grinding metal.
They discussed the newest book journal that had arrived, and it took his mind only partly away from his anxiety. His comments and answers were short, to the point. Bordering on rude as he brushed away one of Zhou Mi’s opinions. He breathed through his teeth at times, so tightly fastened on his lower lip... If Zhou Mi noticed the tension in him, he didn’t mention it.
“Are you finished?”
“Yes,” he said, more sharply than he had intended. There was still quite a bit of food left on the plate, despite his intentions.
“Did you not like it? I could get you something else. I have...”
“I’m fine,” Kyuhyun interrupted. “Really. Just... Not that hungry.”
“I’ll just clean up here quickly. If you want to look around?”
He did not make it far, ending at the living room. He trailed his fingers along book spines. They weren’t organized by author or title, or even size… A mishmash of non-fiction and novels, joined like good friends on the shelves. Some Korean, some not. He imagined if he asked, Zhou Mi could find a title on the shelf without thinking hard, intimately aware of each of them. He was the same. He needed no order, just familiarity. It was strangely comforting to him to know it.
The lack of comfortable chairs told him the likely reading place of choice was his bed. It was funny how much you could learn about a person, just like that.
When he looked up from his perusal Zhou Mi already had his bag in hand.
“You don’t... If you want... Did you just want to sleep?”
He nodded wordlessly. There would be no useful distraction from it... If it was to all break down, then it might as well happen sooner rather than later. He couldn’t bear it much longer.
He was escorted in ahead of Zhou Mi into the only bedroom, and his eyes skidded away from the bed, focusing instead on the dresser, with a stack of books, and the bedside table with a stack of books, pens and stacked papers. Neat, not immaculate. Cozy, with a lot of blues to make it so. Would he sleep here tonight? He wondered. In that bed with the fluffy comforter. Or would he run?
Zhou Mi flipped on the bathroom light, setting his bag on the counter.
“If you need anything…?”
“Thanks,” he said, trying so hard for sincerity and feeling ice cold.
He stared at the hot water cascading over his hands and knuckles and clenched them tight. Please. Please let him be able to stay. Just this one night. Nothing more than this. Surely that was not too much to ask. Perhaps if he locked the bathroom door, curled in the tub…? Zhou Mi would freak out then. He could imagine him trying to open the door, or using his rather inconsiderably body weight to pummel it down. Someone would be injured, and Kyuhyun might never leave his bed, his own bed, ever again.
Then again, there was no written law that he had to stay. He could pick up his bag, walk out, and say it was a nice thought, but he was going home now, thank you. Why? Just because. He didn’t have his favorite pajamas, or the moon was full, or something. Then there would be Zhou Mi with the worried eyes, disappointed, maybe even angry. It was not worth the lies. He would either try to stay or just go. He had come to try, and so he would. Even if it meant shaming himself in front of Zhou Mi.
He could not even consider what Zhou Mi would think.
The same sat on the edge of the bed, hands folded in his lap like some angelic sculpture. As if he were waiting on some expected arrival. They passed each other silently, Zhou Mi’s eyes worried and wide. It was no wonder Zhou Mi worried, for how short Kyuhyun had been with him the last half hour. He held himself from reaching out, afraid that if he touched Zhou Mi, he wouldn’t let go. It wasn’t the first time he had thought that. He focused instead on hiding his trembling legs beneath the cover, a hand through his hair, the other clenched at his side. Frozen inside and shaking? He did not see how the two matched up. He took a deep breath, forced himself into some half state of relaxation. Pulled on every shred of outward control that he possessed. Focused on breathing, focused on knowing he could.
“You like that side, huh?” Zhou Mi asked with hesitant amusement, making Kyuhyun start as he hadn’t realized Zhou Mi had exited the bathroom.
“I guess. Is it… Would you rather be over here?”
“You’re fine,” he said, sliding into the opposite side. “I’m usually over here by the light, but it really doesn’t matter to me.”
The light clicked off and he felt cool fear wash over him, strangling him for a brief second. Fears of all varieties.
He was the biggest tease on the face of the planet. He knew Zhou Mi liked him. Loved him even. Sleep beside me but do not touch me. Hug me but do not kiss me. Be near me but do not say you love me. Everything he did was backward and wrong.
“You looked a little like Snow White,” Zhou Mi said, sounding a bit embarrassed that such a thing was coming out of his mouth.
Snow White had a glass coffin, he mused. It seemed more appealing than the intimate darkness with this man stretched out beside him. And that was wrong. That was so wrong.
He fished for Zhou Mi’s hand, nearly yelping when he found it, the hand warm and curled tight around his within a heartbeat.
“That’s nice,” Zhou Mi said, and he could hear the smile. He breathed in.
“I have to tell you something.”
It sounded pained to his own ears, spoken low and urgent, and Zhou Mi’s fingers squeezed.
“Yes?”
“You know about my father. My mother… clung to me, after that. Would barely let me go to school. She would double-check, triple-check, to see if I was in my bed at night. I have not slept outside of that apartment since before my father left. It’s been… over ten years.”
“This… is the first time?” Zhou Mi asked, unsure.
“No. I’ve tried. I’ve tried a dozen times or more. Every time, if I’m lucky enough to get to sleep, I’ll wake up in a panic, needing to leave, to go home, be safe. I’m telling you this because… Because if I… If I freak out during the night, if I have to leave, it’s not you, okay? It’s me.”
The light was suddenly back on and he grimaced, seeing Zhou Mi’s horrified face.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Zhou Mi asked, voice strained. “Before we left, you could have…”
“I wanted to see where you live.”
“But I wouldn’t have made you stay!”
“I wanted to!” he nearly shouted. “Want to. I don’t want to be confined anymore. I hoped this time might be different.”
“But it’s not different so far, is it?”
He let out a slow, shaky breath. “No.”
The light again went out, and the mattress dipped as Zhou Mi came near.
“I wondered why you were quieter than usual. I thought maybe you didn’t… Never mind what I thought.”
“I’m sorry. I’m stupid.”
“No, you’re not. Can you… lean on me? Maybe together, we…”
He let Zhou Mi draw him close, wrapping an arm around Zhou Mi’s ribs and inhaling deep against his shoulder. He wondered briefly if Zhou Mi knew that he needed to breathe, before the arms around him loosened.
“Kui Xian… Kui Xian,” he murmured against Kyuhyun’s temple. “I hope your sleep is untroubled.”
He hoped too, but he had no faith. The warmth of Zhou Mi’s presence melted the outer cold, their breathing in sync. And after a long while his eyes drooped, close, comforted.
It began as a tingle as he popped out of sleep. He could feel it, the panic starting beneath his ribs, pressing out until there was nothing else, no air, no space… Not tonight. Not tonight!
Zhou Mi sat up with him, scooting close immediately.
“It’s all right. Just breathe.”
“Zhou Mi…” A sudden thought struck him. “Kiss me, kiss me, and maybe…”
Perhaps it would distract him enough. Perhaps…
Zhou Mi’s fingers covered his lips.
“Not like this,” he said gently. “Come here.”
He shifted them both, so that Kyuhyun leaned back against Zhou Mi’s chest, folded against his body as Zhou Mi pulled the covers up closer, and hugged him gently.
“Breathe,” he murmured into Kyuhyun’s ear. “I’m here.”
He sang, voice high and clear, songs in Chinese that he did not understand. Sometimes he wondered if Zhou Mi actually sang words, or if it was simply nonsense. He did not try to sleep, merely focused on the sensation of Zhou Mi’s arms around him, the gentle movement side to side, the sweet voice. He started once in the middle, fingers surely digging painfully into Zhou Mi’s arms, but the voice continued without waver, nearly without pause. And he breathed.
He woke to a finger stroking his cheek. He nudged into the movement with a groan, and received an answering giggle. Zhou Mi’s smiling face hovered over his.
“Good morning.”
He blinked. Pale light was streaming through the window... Amazement and embarrassment both flooded him. He had done it. Stayed a full night away from the store. And at what cost? Rocked in Zhou Mi’s arms as he fought himself. Pleading for Zhou Mi to make him forget. Asking him to kiss him? Clearly he had not been in his right mind.
Zhou Mi could apparently see all of it on his face.
“You did good.”
“Your definition and my definition…”
“You’re still here. You were wonderful.”
“Yes, I am quite amazing,” he said, letting the sarcasm wash away some of his embarrassment.
“Do you think I don’t have problems? Next time, don’t you think it might be easier? Or the time after that?”
Maybe. Possibly. His body, his mind, knew how he had reacted, how to react when in certain situations. If he could show himself that that panic wasn’t necessary… Yes, it could get easier. Perhaps he wouldn’t go into the night expecting it. The little giddy trickle began to flow through him. It had been ten years since he had spent a night away from the store, and he played their conversation back through his head.
“No, you were wonderful.” He turned fully to face Zhou Mi. “I would have run the moment I woke up if it hadn’t been for you.”
“You fought it, though. I couldn’t do that for you. And you came here… You tried… I had no idea, when I invited you. You’re so strong, Kui Xian. When I saw you were afraid before you went to sleep, I wanted to take you home right away and protect you from it. I felt so stupid, doing that to you. I was… afraid you would hate me for making you feel that way.”
He only had reference to his own feelings. He had no idea what Zhou Mi would think. Except maybe to think him weak, and unacceptable. And this awe, and appreciation? What was he to do with that?
“For one thing, you didn’t invite me so much as tell me. Which is okay, because at least in that instance… I kind of liked it. And for another thing, you couldn’t have known… You didn’t do it maliciously. I wanted to come because you wanted me here. But I wanted to be… normal for you.”
Zhou Mi clearly could not help himself, cupping Kyuhyun’s face with his hand.
“You are much better than normal. You are Kui Xian, and that is wonderful to me.”
“Thank you.” For everything, he thought, briefly closing his eyes. Everything.
“Does that mean you owe me dinner, again?” Zhou Mi asked.
“I guess I do. I’m dating a really smart idiot.”
Zhou Mi’s laugh exploded and then quieted. He could see every eyelash, the way they swept wide in shock. “We’re dating?”
“We’ve been to dinner, haven’t we? And we’ve slept over… It sounds like it, doesn’t it?”
“I… guess it does.”
He smiled, stroking Zhou Mi’s chin with his fingertip.
“I hope… next time when I’m scared, when I remember I was able to stay away a full night... I hope I remember this.”
It was a perfect moment, he recalled. When he pressed his lips to Zhou Mi’s. There was only a small pause before Zhou Mi’s lips firmed, gently kissing back, even as a soft, welcoming sound melted through him. How could he have been scared of this? He probably screamed of inexperience, but he could not care, a satisfied smirk gracing his face as Zhou Mi gasped for air, eyes large and liquid.
“Did you forget to breathe?”
The dark eyes made him squirm inside.
“I was too busy being kissed,” Zhou Mi said, ever the slightest bit huffy, but soft too.
“You’re about to get mushy aren’t you?”
Zhou Mi propped himself up on his elbow, as if what he was about to say was too important to say as he had been. “Someone I love very much has just braved his fears to stay with me, and kissed me. I think I’m allowed to get mushy, just a bit?”
Love did not mean he would stay, Kyuhyun reminded himself, even as his head seemed to spin out of his control.
“I do love you, Kui Xian. I hope it’s okay for you to hear it.”
Kyuhyun waited until Zhou Mi had removed his lips from his cheek.
“You don’t call me Kyuhyun even then?”
“You don’t call me Mimi.”
He shrugged, looked up. “That was my first kiss, so don’t make me regret giving it to you.”
Zhou Mi’s face took on an expression as if he had just said he was made of diamond, and he stroked Kyuhyun’s hair. Apparently he didn’t notice that Kyuhyun had flushed a bright shade of red.
“May I have the second one too?”
He let out a breathy laugh so much different than the night before, and, as he had imagined yesterday in the shop, raised his face for Zhou Mi’s kiss.
As second kisses went it was soft, as though Zhou Mi were frightened of scaring him away. He sighed as Zhou Mi rubbed gentle circles on his neck and smiled at the answering sigh.
Zhou Mi pressed kisses along his jaw, whispering his name.
“How long before we have to leave?” he asked, poking Zhou Mi’s cheek with his nose.
“Not long.”
“I should get dressed then,” he said, groaning as he rolled and lifting a vain hand to ensure his hair wasn’t sticking up all over.
Zhou Mi slid off the bed right after him, and he was pulled into a full body hug, and as he gripped Zhou Mi, he thought this was rather like the position that had gotten them in trouble to begin with.
He pressed his lips to Zhou Mi’s neck, felt him almost purr in response before he tilted Kyuhyun’s head back.
“Kyuhyun,” he enunciated very clearly against Kyuhyun’s mouth.
“Mm. Very good. Mimi?”
“Hm?”
He grinned.
“Nothing.”
The laugh thrilled him.
“I do love you, Kui Xian.”
Something, anything to fill the burgeoning silence. He settled on a thought he had long since given in to.
“Sometimes I think you’re made of sunshine.”
“I’m glad,” Zhou Mi said, leaning close again and beaming in just the way he had inspired that thought. “How many kisses is that?” he asked, actually parting their mouths before speaking this time.
Kyuhyun blinked. “I lost count.”
Zhou Mi’s lips curved in satisfaction as he gave Kyuhyun one more. “Good.”
He was halfway into the bathroom before a thought occurred to him.
“Hey, where’s that stuff you were wearing the other night?”
Zhou Mi stepped up beside him, plucking the thumb-sized black bottle off of the counter to offer to him.
It didn’t have a suggestive name like “Sinfully Amazing” or “Made of Sex” he mused as he uncapped it, taking a whiff. He hummed, closing it and setting it back onto the counter.
He shrugged when he saw Zhou Mi’s questioning look. “I was right. It doesn’t smell nearly as good when it’s not on on you.”
He had to kick Zhou Mi out of the bathroom so that he could get dressed, or he would have been horribly late, and all because of big brown eyes and eager lips.
***
He nearly laughed when he saw Hankyung and Siwon, both bundled tight, in front of the store. Hankyung looked a bit stressed, and Siwon was ever so subtly running in place beside him
As soon as Zhou Mi saw them as well, he released his hand slowly, and Kyuhyun looked up, wondering why. Saw uncertainty there, not knowing how much Kyuhyun was comfortable with. In front of Hankyung and Siwon, there were no secrets.
“Good morning!” he said, and got answering replies from both of them.
He unlocked the store, waiting for the other three to enter in before closing it, making sure Zhou Mi did not edge away. He gripped the lapels of Zhou Mi’s coat, pulling him down for a solid, quick kiss. Holding him just long enough for Zhou Mi’s gloved hands to find a place on either side of his face. He grinned at the silly smile on Zhou Mi’s face.
“Go be fascinated by your notes again. I have better things to do.”
He accepted the quick peck and waited till Zhou Mi had waved to Hankyung and Siwon and disappeared before turning around.
“So?”
“You were able to stay the full night?” Hankyung asked, studying him.
“I was.”
Then Hankyung was hugging him and they might have jumped up and down once or twice before giving each other very manly pats on the back.
“I’m so glad. I hoped… I’m so glad.”
“Me too.” If he were any happier about it, he would be singing. “Did he worry very much about me?” he asked Siwon.
“I did,” Hankyung answered for him. “But he managed to take my mind off of it at least once.”
“Geng!” Siwon said, scandalized.
“What? It’s not like he doesn’t know.” But he squeezed Siwon’s hand in apology. “Yesterday you said you weren’t flirting and today you’re kissing. And you stayed the night.”
“I’m all grown up, Mommy.”
“Don’t make me give you the talk.”
“Guys,” Siwon said a bit nervously.
Kyuhyun laughed and then faltered. Sex. With Zhou Mi. That scent all around him, expanses of skin… He took two solid mental steps back from that precipice.
“I don’t think that’s necessary,” he said, hoping he was closer to white than flaming red. It had been a joking retort on Hankyung’s part, not meant seriously at all. With another calming breath, he pushed it from his mind entirely. All things in their time. And all he wanted now was to know that Zhou Mi was right where he was. And he had that. For right now.
***
Hankyung climbed over Siwon’s body in order to get into bed, and was captured, groaning as Siwon tickled him.
“I can’t believe you told him we...”
“You think he thinks we sleep beside each other holding hands? There’s no way I could have hidden that from him. Actually.” Hankyung cleared his throat. “He knew without me saying anything. So you must be pretty good, Mr. Choi...”
“Flattery will get you everywhere,” Siwon murmured against his collar bone. “But they’re sharing a bed? You don’t think..?”
“Same thing... I think I’d know, even if he didn’t say. And this is Kyuhyun we’re talking about. He’s not going to run quickly into anything. Definitely not something as revealing as that. I want this so badly for him. When his mother left, it was like the world had dropped him on his head. I know she needed to go... He needed to be away from her. It’s taken years for all the fear and guilt she laid on him to fade even to where he can accept this. If Zhou Mi were to...”
Siwon turned him, pulling him close. “All you could talk about last night was how you knew how much Zhou Mi loves him and how wonderful they were for each other. Don’t invite trouble. You said it yourself. He’s had time to get stronger. He’ll get stronger every day. He’s not the same person as he was back then. Let’s believe in them.”
He sighed, resting against Siwon’s chest. “You’re wonderful for me, you know that?”
“I do know that,” Siwon said, kissing the top of his head.
He laughed. “And modest, too.”
***
He was half awake the next morning when Siwon’s phone began to ring. He watched as Siwon scrambled out of bed, reaching for his jeans where his cell phone had been left. He tried not to laugh, seeing Siwon’s hand tug at his pajama pants, which were making a case for escape. If he had to guess, the elastic in the waistband hadn’t been functional for some time. Not that he minded the view of Siwon’s boxers in the least, but still, he made a mental note to check the size and get him a new pair. Buying clothes for each other. He grinned. And sobered as he began to listen to Siwon’s conversation.
“It’s all right. Don’t cry, sweetie. Tell me what’s troubling you.”
Siwon climbed back onto the bed, sliding over to press his face into Hankyung’s stomach.
“You can’t tell me? Yeah, Yunjee is well. Have you talked to Mom and Dad? They would have told you that Yunjee and I are moving in with... Hah. No, not with Mom and Dad. With Han Geng. I told you about him. He’s my pillow right now.” Siwon nudged up Hankyung’s shirt with his nose, pressing a gentle kiss to his stomach. “Yes, I’m very happy. We’re very happy. Yunjee thinks the world of him, and she’ll get to have a puppy. Nala. She’s really cute, yeah. You could visit and see? I know how much you love dogs too... Are you doing okay? I’m lucky? Okay. Okay. Call soon?”
As he hung up he pressed his face against Hankyung’s skin.
“She okay?” he asked, stroking Siwon’s hair.
“Sounds like she was upset when I answered - just asked me to talk to her. I don’t know what’s up with her. She’s never been this moody.” He pushed up, crawling the last couple of feet so that they could lay together, face to face. “She said something odd. Told me that I was lucky...not that I had you, though I am, but that I was lucky I was a man. What does that mean?”
He thought for a moment, studying Siwon’s face. And he thought of Yunjee. “Could she be in trouble?” he asked delicately.
Siwon moaned. “Mom and Dad would kill her. She couldn’t be. She’s my little sister. I don’t get it.”
“Maybe it’s just a bad time for her. Lonely. At least she has you. You’re a good brother. Sympathetic to her even when you don’t know what’s wrong. That must mean a lot to her.”
“Sweet Geng... Willing to share me.”
“Could I love you if I weren’t? Your family made you the man you are. I know she’ll let you know if she thinks you can help her.”
“Yeah,” Siwon said, smiling. “You’re right. Now, where’s my morning kiss?”
He grinned, meeting Siwon halfway, squirming closer as Siwon’s arm begged for it. Nothing deep or demanding, a true good morning kiss, greeting each other even after a night together. Siwon kissed his neck, and chuckled.
“Good morning, Yunjee.”
“Morning, Daddy,” came the sweet voice. She climbed onto the bed and tucked herself between them. Siwon kissed her head while she snuggled close.
“Are we sleeping at Geng’s house soon?” she asked.
“Soon. A couple of days. But you know, it won’t be Geng’s house if we’re there.”
“Really?” She craned her neck to look at Geng. “What will it be?”
“Our house,” Hankyung told her. “Home, for Yunjee and your daddy and me.”
“And Nala,” she added.
“And Nala.”
“I’ll like being home together.”
Siwon reached over to stroke his cheek, and they lay that way together until it was time to get up, the phone call pushed behind them.