[Fic] For Always - 16/24
Title: For Always
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun and Siwon/Hankyung (with possible additions)
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance/Angst/Fluff/The kitchen sink
Summary: The bookstore called "Soulmate" has been the most important thing in Kyuhyun's life. With it, he has built a fortress of brick and page around himself, one that can only be brought down from the inside -- both with love and with danger.
Hankyung has built a life of meaning, but finds no substance in it and lives in dreams. Dreams that, when they materialize, make him question his ability to reach and hold on when he wants nothing less.
***
Chapter One ** Chapter Two ** Chapter Three ** Chapter Four ** Chapter Five ** Chapter Six ** Chapter Seven ** Chapter Eight ** Chapter Nine ** Chapter Ten **
Chapter Eleven ** Chapter Twelve ** Chapter Thirteen ** Chapter Fourteen ** Chapter Fifteen ** Chapter Sixteen ** Chapter Seventeen
***
Chapter Sixteen
***
Zhou Mi was on the phone as he exited for lunch, waving with a wide smile. He found himself following Zhou Mi with his eyes until he had disappeared from sight. For some reason, he imagined that Zhou Mi could ask him to go with him, even for a while. But from the look of him, he was busy, distracted. Their lives certainly did not revolve around each other. Despite the time they had been spending together.
They would not spend every night together, not every free moment. He did not expect it. He was used to his own time, needed it. But he was on shaky ground. No one expected them to partition their own time, like planning appointments. They had made no plans... He craved that and felt a bit uncomfortably needy. Stability... That was what he wanted.
When Zhou Mi returned, his smile was even brighter. He reached for Kyuhyun’s hand, curling his fingers around something small and cool.
“Will you be back on your break?”
“Yeah,” he said, distracted by Zhou Mi’s hand around his.
“Good.”
When he opened his hand, he laughed, and it surely echoed back to Zhou Mi. He’d finally found that dolphin.
***
Kyuhyun sank into his break chair, the dolphin in his hand.
“Are you just going to keep on giving me these?” he asked.
“Should I?” Zhou Mi asked, leaning back. “I said I’d get that one for you... And there were butterflies for Yunjee, but I didn’t... Should I continue giving them to you?”
“They’re just...unexpected. I’d think you’d be bringing me books or something.”
“I gave you a book and it got me here,” Zhou Mi said, laughing.
“That was a trade,” he pointed out.
“Okay... Well, it’d have to be a really special book then. I just... Wanted you to think of me.”
“You succeeded there.”
“Some of it good?’ Zhou Mi asked with such hope that he laughed.
“Yeah, some of it good. You said you’d found a butterfly?”
“I did... There were a few. I wasn’t sure which one she would like. Would you go back with me and help me pick one out? They’re only open during the day, but whenever you wanted to. It wouldn’t take long.”
Joy tiptoed through him. “Sure! Ryeowook doesn’t need me all the time. We can go anytime when Henry is here.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Sounds good. We don’t want to keep Yunjee waiting.”
They smiled at each other and he needed, irrespective of where they were...to touch. He stood, moving to Zhou Mi, feeling confident in Zhou Mi’s arms around his waist. The dark eyes closed as he smoothed away his bangs, kissing his forehead softly. He brushed both cheekbones waiting for Zhou Mi’s eyes to meet his. Waiting then not for his eyes but his mouth to tremble open.
“Kui...”
He tasted the last half of his name, nearly shuddering as Zhou Mi’s arms tightened around him, guiding him so that he could fully sit against Zhou Mi, caught up against his body. He stroked Zhou Mi’s neck with his hands, reveling in feeling the content vibrations against his palms, against his mouth.
It was exquisite sensation as Zhou Mi sucked in his bottom lip, nibbling it gently. That was a new spin on kissing entirely... And he could not help but try it himself. Zhou Mi’s fingers tightened on his hips.
“Kui Xian...” Zhou Mi’s voice was tight as their noses brushed.
“Yeah? I haven’t gone anywhere.”
The chuckle was bright. “Yes, you are here. Will you... Are you free tonight?”
“I think so. I’d need to check with my TV,” he said, flippant and secure. And smitten... Was that the right word? Absolutely taken with his adoration for the man with him.
“Oh?” Zhou Mi asked, eyes coy. “Would your TV mind company?”
“It could probably stand another person to watch it. You’ll lend me your shoulder?”
“I could do that. It’s yours whenever you want it, Kui Xian. It’s yours.”
He smiled, letting his chin rest on Zhou Mi’s shoulder. “You could stay if you wanted. I don’t mind.”
“Really? You don’t mind, huh?”
“I’d like it if you did. If you want to.”
Zhou Mi giggled into his neck. “I do want, Kui Xian. I told you that you’re a cute sleeper. You know... Seeing you... If I wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes I have a hard time getting back to sleep because... It’s hard to resist watching you. I guess that’s why I’m tired in the morning. Is that weird?”
Had he not noticed the eyes watching him as he slept? No, it wasn’t weird. It felt... Good. But it also made his skin heat, imagining Zhou Mi in the night laying so close. Looking, wishing that he could touch, kiss... It wasn’t as though he could watch himself sleep, so how could he dispute Zhou Mi’s claim? He sat back, needing to see Zhou Mi’s face.
“It probably should be creepy,” he said, a little on the awkward side. “I don’t understand what you saw in me.”
Zhou Mi tilted his head. “Well. You’re very attractive Kui Xian.”
“Attractive kept you asking me out and being okay with getting rejected? I can’t possibly be that hot.”
“What else could I do? I was here... And you never turned me down in a way that said you didn’t want me to ask again... You never asked me to stop. When I saw you... I thought, really, what did I do that such an amazingly good looking guy has these books...?”
“And then what a letdown when I had them but didn’t know anything about them.”
“Not really. There are a lot of people who own books but don’t have any idea of their value. You might not know how to read the contents, but you valued them. And that was incredibly attractive to me, too. And by then, I knew even more about you. How much your friends meant to you, how well you cared for your shop. You were funny, even when you were turning me down, and nice to me, too.”
“I don’t remember being nice. I just remember running away.”
Zhou Mi smiled. “I was running with you.”
“You know sometimes I get the feeling that you were working me into this in stages. Getting me used to your presence, seeing if I would miss you...”
“Hey!” Zhou Mi said, indignant. “You were the one hugging me, touching me.”
“I know. Who knew I wouldn’t be able to do without that, too?”
A heartfelt sigh. “You’re telling me.”
“It was a slow contamination.”
“Yeah? Can you build up immunity?”
“I don’t know... Maybe you should start wearing that cologne every day and we’ll find out.”
“No way,” Zhou Mi said, shaking his head. “That’s my secret weapon. And I don’t think they make an antidote for Kui Xian.”
“You might be surprised.”
“They wouldn’t hold me like you do, or kiss me like you do...”
“You are such a liar if you’re trying to tell me I’m an amazing kisser.”
“But you’re very eager. And I hear that practice makes perfect.”
“You’ll lay yourself down over those tracks for me, won’t you?”
“Absolutely. I used to see your mind working a mile an hour when you were near me... “Will he touch me? What will he do” Now, you’re calmer...”
“You mean a mile a minute? So you’re saying the mystery is gone?”
“No!” He cackled. “I think there are quite a few left.”
“Then hopefully you won’t be disappointed,” he said, voice soft.
“I haven’t been yet.” Zhou Mi kissed him tenderly. “And I think your break has been over for a while.”
“Ah! You’re making me shirk my responsibilities.”
“I’ll still be a bad influence tonight.”
“I’ll look forward to it.”
Zhou Mi’s laughter was all the agreement he needed.
***
They were halfway through a drama episode when Zhou Mi sat up straight.
“Ah!”
“What is it?” Kyuhyun asked, muting the commercials and trying to disentangle himself from Zhou Mi’s legs somehow.
“I can’t stay tonight! I have a meeting tomorrow morning, and I don’t think they’d appreciate me showing up in your pajamas. Ach, I can’t believe I almost forgot.”
He snickered. “I’d appreciate it. Do you need to go now?”
“I can wait till this episode is done.” Zhou Mi relaxed back into the cushions and pulled Kyuhyun close. “He’s not going to be stupid and not go to her, is he?” he asked, referencing the drama they were watching.
“There are five episodes left, of course he’s going to be stupid. Ah, it’s back.”
The episode ended far too quickly, in his opinion. The preview of the next week’s episode seemed over before he could even blink. They had been together three nights of the last four... He rubbed his cheek lightly over Zhou Mi’s shoulder as he muted the TV again.
“Well, you should get going,” he said, trying for a bright tone. “So you can be fresh in the morning.”
He wanted to ask what the meeting was, but the question bottled up inside him as Zhou Mi shrugged into his coat. He tugged Kyuhyun close.
“Call me if you need anything, Kui Xian. Anything. I mean it.”
“If my feet are cold?” he asked with lifted brow.
“I’ll tell you how to warm them,” Zhou Mi promised. “Ancient Chinese secret.”
“I guess you are useful. And don’t worry, I’ll be fine. There aren’t any monsters under my bed.”
“I’ll worry less if you’ll promise to call.”
“I’ll call, I promise. Don’t worry, Anytime,” he said, both of them grinning at the use of the word still beside Zhou Mi’s name in Kyuhyun’s phone.
“I can be content then.” Kyuhyun’s eyes drifted closed as Zhou Mi stroked his face. “I love you, Kui Xian.”
The kiss was soft and sweet and satisfying... It wrapped him in warmth, as if Zhou Mi were attempting to make up for every kiss he would be missing.
“Will you still remember me in the morning?” Zhou Mi asked softly.
“Probably,” he said with a smirk, and Zhou Mi pinched his ear.
He curled on the tiny couch, staring at the silent but still brightly moving TV. The cushion he was clutching to his chest was a poor substitute for Zhou Mi. But when he thought of him, of that final lingering kiss... He couldn’t help but bury his face in the cushion and laugh himself sick. He had no idea what he was doing, and it felt fantastic.
***
By the time he left Donghae to go to work, they were both considerably cheered. But he still harbored a worry in his chest, no matter how bright Donghae’s eyes had been, or how enthusiastic the parting kiss had been.
Their plans had been to study together that night. (And really, they did study. On and off.) He was supposed to go to Donghae’s apartment, but he had barely walked a block from Soulmate before he was tackled from behind.
He focused on his balance, heart thumping out of his chest.
“Henry! Did you have a good day at work?”
He relaxed back against Donghae’s chest with a sigh. “You scared me to death!”
For some reason he felt like he was going to be jumped - Donghae’s admonition to be careful striking home.
“Sorry! I thought I’d meet you. But you walked right past me. You must have been deep in thought.”
He studied Donghae’s face for any sign of trouble. But there was none. He was jittery, but not in a way that spoke of a problem, more that he was excited.
“Did something good happen?”
“You can tell?” Donghae asked, grinning bright enough to blind. “I did something I wanted to do for a long time. Let’s celebrate tonight, okay? You want to see a movie? Or something else?”
He thought of their upcoming test. They still had a few days to look over the material.
“I haven’t seen a movie in ages. But... Do you want to rent one? So we can relax?”
“Yeah!”
They had pizza, a huge box of it, and just kept eating while watching the two movies, until they were about to pop, leaning against each other in a gluttonous haze.
Donghae was intent on the subtitles, sucking on his lower lip as they watched. He focused more on Donghae than the movie.
“Henry,” Donghae whispered, as though they were really in a theater. “You’re not watching.”
Donghae snuggled closer, holding one of Henry’s hands in both of his, and he leaned in close. Donghae had been considerably calmer since they had come back and it calmed him too.
Then Donghae climbed into his lap. He realized that he had just slept through the end of the movie.
“Hi,” Donghae said, kissing him.
“Hi,” he replied, enjoying the way Donghae leaned against him. There was a question that still nagged at him from yesterday. How he had been introduced. “So. Am I your boyfriend?”
Donghae’s mouth made a neat little “o.”
“I. Well. I. I said that just because I didn’t know what else to say. But. That’s what I think of you as. Is that okay?”
“I’ve never had a boyfriend before.”
“Really? Sorry I didn’t ask.”
“That’s okay. Hey.” He waited till Donghae looked up at him. “Hi, I’m your boyfriend Henry.”
“Oh. Oh!” Donghae threw his head back and laughed. “Hi! I’m your boyfriend Donghae.”
Then he leaned close, taking generous pinches of both of Henry’s cheeks.
“You are so cute!”
Was it possible to be cute when one’s face was stretched out like a toad, he wondered. Apparently. But Donghae was finally content to let them go in favor of kissing. He liked that quite a lot more.
With a little help from Donghae he managed to get them both upright, Donghae rather precariously wrapped around him. For a second he thought ‘Ah! I could carry Donghae into the bedroom. I am Henry, manly man.’
They made it three feet, kept from collapsing into a sad puddle only by a quick hand against the wall.
They didn’t actually make it to the bed for a while. The floor was that much closer.
***
Donghae seemed to pride himself on being Henry’s body pillow. He couldn’t say he minded being used as a personal heater. He was kind of glad it wasn’t the dead of summer, or they might have started melting into each other. He thought his tiny apartment was probably gathering dust. Donghae flatly refused to sleep over, but seemed okay with spending an hour or two there. Probably because of his “uncle” and needing to be able to be found.
He didn’t mind. Donghae just wanted him close. Donghae’s bed was bigger, and his couch was comfortable, and his TV was definitely nicer. It was good. Kind of like they were roommates. Except they were dating. Roommate-boyfriends. There was probably a word for that.
He rolled over, squishing Donghae into the mattress in an attempt to wake him.
“We have to go to class.”
“Erk,” Donghae grunted, squinching up his face. And trying to steal a kiss.
“No,” Henry said, laughing and rolling away. “We have to go to class.”
Donghae pouted, standing with him. “We have time.”
Running the whole way, they made it just before the professor. Donghae had been right.
***
“The owners of the store are a little eccentric,” Zhou Mi cautioned, taking Kyuhyun’s hand as they approached the store.
“Am I prepared then, knowing you?”
“I guess we’ll see!”
The store smelled of earthy scents, flowers and paint. A strange combination that somehow worked, especially seeing the sculptures scattered artfully around some nearly up to his knee, big handmade pots, down to tiny bells and figurines. As they stepped off of the mat, a man’s head popped up above the edge of the counter, hair sleek against his head and face streaked with some dark paint. He grinned, seeing Zhou Mi, a deep dimple creasing one cheek.
“You came! And this must be Kyuhyun! Oh, he is cute. You were right about the owl. It definitely fits.”
Kyuhyun froze, startled at the rapid words being thrown his way.
“This is Eeteuk, Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi explained. “He owns the store. He made some of the animals I gave you. And Kangin...”
“Yeah, yeah, that guy,” Eeteuk interrupted, beckoning as though he could pull them closer to the counter. “We’ve been waiting to meet you! Zhou Mi told us some, but he wasn’t really forthcoming. You own a bookstore then? You know all about the trials, then. It’s great, but...”
“The butterflies?” Zhou Mi said, quickly as Eeteuk briefly paused to breathe.
“Oh! Yes. Could you bring the butterflies?” Eeteuk called through the open door.
There was a pause. “Where are they?” a loud voice bellowed back.
A faintly murderous expression crossed Eeteuk’s face for a split second. “Honestly, if he would open his eyes... On the counter!” he shouted back, sweetly composing his face before turning to them. “Just watch, he’ll come out and they’ll have been right in front of him.”
From the sheepish expression on the handsome man’s face, what Eeteuk said was true.
“So this is him?” Kangin asked, handing Eeteuk the box. “I don’t know if our stuff has been used to woo someone before. Maybe to get into their pants, but...”
Eeteuk rolled his eyes at Kangin. “I’d like you to meet the brawn of the operation.”
“And this is the talent,” Kangin said, smile beaming as he slung his arm over Eeteuk’s shoulders.
“You’re supposed to say brains.”
“I know.”
“You make everything here?” Kyuhyun asked.
“Almost,” Eeteuk said, dimple flashing. “When Zhou Mi called us at... What was it Kangin, 3 A.M.? We were able to recreate what we’d made for you before.”
“3 A.M.?” Kyuhyun stared at Zhou Mi, astonished. Right after they had cleaned up from the fire, he had...?
“I thought I was calling the store number and was going to leave a message,” Zhou Mi said, defending himself.
“Luckily we were still awake, then,” Eeteuk teased. “Everything turned out okay after the fire? Zhou Mi mentioned it was, but...”
“Yeah, we don’t trust him,” Kangin interjected.
“No! That’s not it.” Eeteuk laughed. “It’s just nice to hear from the source. We kept meaning to come by your store... Now we can without scaring you by being loud when we see the animals. Zhou Mi told us you had them on display.”
Well. Ryeowook had put them on display. But he didn’t really mind so much anymore. And did anyone else have to talk when these two started? Kyuhyun wondered.
“You see why I kept coming back,” Zhou Mi murmured.
“I helped him pick out what he wanted,” Eeteuk said. “I like giving my opinions, clearly. And no matter what Kangin says, a raccoon is not romantic.”
“And a pig is?”
“It was romantic! It says “I’ll love you through thick and thin!””
“The butterflies?” Zhou Mi said before Kangin could open his mouth. “Kyuhyun needs to get back to the store eventually.”
“Sorry! Of course.” Eeteuk brought the box up, folding down the sides to reveal a small forest of butterflies in various shapes and sizes and colors.
“This is why I needed your help,” Zhou Mi told Kyuhyun, who was gaping he was sure.
“I can see why.”
“I got a little carried away,” Eeteuk confessed. “When he mentioned butterflies...”
“You were just getting one for Yunjee?” Kyuhyun asked.
“Teukie thinks you should get a little butterfly family for her,” Kangin said quickly.
“Can I speak for myself, please? And yes... Wouldn’t it be cute? A little one and two bigger ones to represent her new little family!”
“You are chatty,” he said and Zhou Mi grinned sheepishly. “I think Hankyung might cry. I like it.”
“Great! We can put them on a base for you, so they’ll stand nicely together.”
“Did you open this store together?”
“No... It was my grandmother’s, so I had worked here, sweeping and helping and learning most of my life. I took over when she got older. Kangin... I kind of picked him up accidentally along the way.”
“Don’t lie,” Kangin scolded, kissing his cheek. “And you have paint on your face. Nice to meet you Kyuhyun!”
Eeteuk threw a towel at Kangin’s retreating back, missing by a good three feet.
“And that’s why I don’t play baseball.”
A thought was forming in Kyuhyun’s mind, of the shelves he kept for little trinkets to sell, little things that people wandered by to look at in the store window, a little gift to go with a purchase. He had trouble thinking what to fill those shelves up with, sometimes, but these things... The tiny vases, colorful bells and handmade animals... He could see them selling well.
“What are you thinking?” Zhou Mi asked him.
“Do you sell to other stores?” he asked Eeteuk.
“We do. Why?”
And that was how they walked out with not just three dancing butterflies, but a box filled with random figures, a hand-painted sign to set beside them, and small packing boxes and tissue paper. Not to mention the beaming Eeteuk, waving at them from the sidewalk.
***
Zhou Mi had kissed him briefly at the car when they returned from the pottery store, telling him he would be back in in the morning. It seemed Zhou Mi was more distracted... Nearly forgetting his mysterious meeting, not spending the full day at the store. And when he did enter the next morning, he sent Kyuhyun a teasing grin before breezing by.
“Ah, wait!” he said, staring around at the empty store and knowing he’d hear the door if anyone opened it.
Zhou Mi caught him with one arm as he darted through the door after him, sliding that arm up beneath his shoulder blades.
“Good morning, Kui Xian.”
“You shouldn’t just pass right by me.”
“Habit... And if it gets you to come after me?”
He was somewhat off balance as Zhou Mi kissed him, reaching up to take a firm hold around Zhou Mi’s neck as he leaned solidly against that protecting arm.
“Stay tonight,” he breathed.
“I have a bag in my car,” Zhou Mi said.
His laughter was cut off by Zhou Mi’s lips, and he moaned, tasting citrus sweet juice and desire in Zhou Mi’s kiss.
He heard the chimes ring out with only part of his mind, heard Ryeowook pass them to go out to check.
“It’s Hankyung,” Ryeowook said a moment later, a bit hesitantly.
“Tell him to go away,” Kyuhyun said, which sounded like a series of unarticulated grunts against Zhou Mi’s mouth, and he waved behind himself for emphasis.
“Don’t you dare tell me to go away,” Hankyung said from far too near, clearly understanding the sentiment.
“Close your eyes, sweetheart, I don’t think they’re meaning to show the world,” he heard Siwon say.
Yunjee was giggling into Hankyung’s shoulder, and all of them were grinning as he finally turned his head.
“I needed his brain for organization today,” Hankyung said, letting a whine sneak into his voice. “Good going, Zhou Mi.”
“Oh. Moving day!”
“Did you need any extra help?” Zhou Mi asked while Kyuhyun was still pulling himself together mentally, as well as pulling back his balance from Zhou Mi’s clever arm.
“Are you volunteering? Because if so, yes please. Any additional hands are welcome.”
“It’s the least I can do,” Zhou Mi said, laughing against the side of Kyuhyun’s head.
***
Consolidating furniture was a terrifying thing. They had gone through Siwon’s apartment, listing what furniture he had, and then they went to Hankyung’s house to repeat it and see what they both had, and what they didn’t need. And which of what they liked better. His head spun, just a little bit. They didn’t even bother to inventory the kitchen, figuring they’d unpack and discard there as needed.
Siwon’s couch was voted as an instant keeper. It was considerably less used and larger... And most importantly off all, better fitting two (horizontally) or three (the three of them collectively). Linens and clothes and miscellaneous were packed.
To both their delight, they agreed that Hankyung’s bed set was wonderful... Which meant they wouldn’t have to move Siwon’s. That had been the lengthiest decision made... Requiring a midday nap, and an evaluation of Hankyung’s shower. All passed.
Dressers, desks and tables. Towels and kitchen utensils. Combining two households was messy work. Yunjee had gotten the new bed for her newly painted room. Siwon said he was going to buy her a new one for her birthday... But getting a new room, a new house, seemed like occasion enough.
It sank into him in levels as they carried boxes, depositing them in the rooms they had been marked for. Trip after trip, until every box, bucket and stick had been put in its place. Which meant there were boxes everywhere. And an eternity of unpacking left to tackle. They had ordered pizza, feeding all five of them a celebratory dinner of pizza.
Yunjee had been at school for most of the excitement, but came into the house wide eyed, spotting things, a house plant, the couch, things that that she recognized from the apartment where she and Siwon had lived.
Kyuhyun scooted over on the couch, leaning against Zhou Mi’s arm. “Remember when we talked about the animals Zhou Mi gave me?”
“Yeah?” Yunjee said, cocking her head in confusion. “Did he get you a dolphin?”
“He did... But he got you something, too. For your new room.”
She leaped to her feet. “Really? What kind? A dolphin too, or...?”
Zhou Mi laughed, pulling down the box. “Why don’t you see? And it’s from both of us,” he said, sending a significant look down at Kyuhyun.
She took it reverently, opening the top in jerky movements. Her squeal could have deafened the hardest of hearing.
“Oh, Daddy, Geng, look! Aren’t they beautiful?” she shouted, pulling the wooden base with the three nestled butterflies out of the box. Siwon took Hankyung’s hand as they stepped closer.
“They are, baby,” Siwon said.
“Daddy and Geng and me?” she asked of Zhou Mi, wide eyed.
“Yep.”
He could feel Kyuhyun’s eyes watching him, and Siwon’s arm nestled him into his shoulder, giving him precious seconds to dry his eyes. Was he that predictable?
“They really are beautiful,” Hankyung told Yunjee. “What should you say to Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun?”
“Oh, thank you!” she said, setting her treasures carefully back in the box to bound up and grasp both of them around the neck. “Thank you, thank you!”
She leaned into them, whispering but loud enough for all of them to hear. “Can we get another one if I get a baby sister?”
“We can get as many as you need,” Kyuhyun told her, stifling a chuckle.
The laugh felt good.
***
“You want more children,” he stated, more than asked Siwon, Yunjee’s comment sitting heavily in the back of his mind.
“I think you should get used to one before we think about that, don’t you think?” Siwon asked, half hidden as he lifted towels from a box.
“Seriously, Siwon. I mean it. I know we discussed this before, but...”
Siwon set the towels on the edge of the bed, sitting close beside him, a leg tucked up so that he could face Hankyung properly. He was silent several moments as he considered.
“I can’t explain how happy Yunjee makes me. I really enjoy being a father, and it wasn’t really something I questioned... Wanted to have a couple of kids someday. But if Yunjee is the one, then I’m not unhappy, you know? Between her and you, I feel like so much of my life has been filled. You’re thinking of this because of her hinting? To know she’s loved and well cared for, that’s most important to me. Numbers don’t matter.”
“Someday then, we can decide. I knew that you might want more children. It is something I’ve wanted, too.”
“Then I’m satisfied no matter what,” Siwon said, kissing him.
The second, final realization dropped onto him like an errant cow as he hung Siwon’s clothes in his closet. No. Their closet. Their closet, their bed, their room. Their... No. Siwon’s daughter, and his...? He shied away from the thought. There were liberties he had not been granted, things too precious to rush. This was their room, tangibly so. They were each other’s. Everything beyond that would find it’s own order.
“Siwon?” he called, waiting only moments before Siwon stepped out of the bathroom door.
“Yeah?”
He put his hand on the wall to steady himself. “This is our closet.”
“It is,” Siwon said, looking a bit wary as he stepped closer, gauging Hankyung’s mood.
“And tomorrow we’ll have breakfast in our kitchen.”
A smile bloomed. “We will.”
“And I won’t have to wonder if I can fall asleep beside you.”
“I love you.”
He felt almost as though he should be thanking Siwon as they kissed. But no... It was a gift they were giving each other. There were no thanks needed in that.
Of course, part of the night, their first night there, Yunjee had spent in their bed, until Siwon had carried her gently back to her new pink daybed. They all had adjustments to make. The rest of the night had been spent with Siwon’s arm over his ribs. And between the two, he had no complaints.
***
Kyuhyun introduced Zhou Mi to the other occasional occupier of his time.
Games.
Not that he didn’t enjoy card games or board games or any of the other things to do. It was infinitely more amusing, though, as it included an hour of Zhou Mi gasping into his ear, and debates on eye-hand coordination. Zhou Mi, given the controls, died spectacularly within just a few minutes.
“What... What did I do?”
“You have to fight back. Standing and trying to run away isn’t going to cut it. Ah! Right there, click, no, no like...”
“No!”
Zhou Mi’s frustrated response at the totally innocent computer had him nearly crying with laughter, dropping down and onto his side, rolling with it. Zhou Mi poking him in the stomach with his foot didn’t help him any.
“You’re a very bad teacher, Kui Xian. Help me instead of laughing at me,” he said, mouth sulky.
“Let’s make you survive one fight. I know we can do it.”
He kept his hands over Zhou Mi’s that time, barking out instructions between bursts of laughter as Zhou Mi continued to exclaim in mock terror.
“Just a little bit, no don’t stop... Yes!”
“We did it? Ah! We did it!”
Zhou Mi lifted him clean off of the floor in his enthusiasm.
“I think you just died,” he said, breathless. “We didn’t pause it.”
Zhou Mi didn’t seem to mind, as Kyuhyun’s toes finally met the floor. They were all that did, held up against Zhou Mi as they kissed. I’m so glad you’re here, he thought, leaning into the surprisingly soft kiss.
“Ah,” he whispered, feet finally flat on the floor again. “I forgot that I had something to give you.”
“Oh?” Zhou Mi’s eyes lit up at the thought. “What?”
Zhou Mi let him go long enough for him to find the sack it was kept in.
“Here take this home with you.”
Zhou Mi stared at his hand. “What is this?”
“A toothbrush? Surely you’ve seen one before.”
“Well. Yes. Why?”
“To keep there... It’s kind of inconvenient to carry a toothbrush back and forth, don’t you think? And I don’t really want to share yours.”
Zhou Mi’s mouth bowed in surprise, and he stepped closer, voice dropping in volume as he spoke. “Oh. Oh! I’ll... Can I keep one here?”
“I got one for you, like you have. Umm... Zhou Mi? Need to breathe.”
Zhou Mi loosened the death grip he had on Kyuhyun’s neck. “Sorry. Sorry. Thank you, Kui Xian.”
“It’s just a toothbrush,” he murmured, kissing Zhou Mi. Though he knew it was a lot more than that. It was a promise. “Did you want to shower?”
“Yeah. Thanks,” Zhou Mi said again, smiling.
Zhou Mi had not been in the bathroom long before he jumped as Zhou Mi’s phone went off beside him, sending tinkling pop beats into the air.
“Do you want me to answer your phone?” he called, hoping Zhou Mi would hear him above the water running in the shower.
“Please!” Zhou Mi shouted back.
Rolling his eyes at the door, he pressed the phone to his ear. “Hi, this is Zhou Mi’s phone.”
He waited, silent but for the crackling of the line for several seconds. He opened his mouth to repeat himself.
“Cho Kyuhyun?”
He blinked, nearly jerking the phone away to look at it. “Yes? Who is this?”
The phone emitted a sound to let him know that the call had been disconnected. He sat with the phone in his hand, wondering.
Zhou Mi was fully dressed in his pajamas, a towel over his head, when he emerged.
“Who was it on the phone?”
“I don’t know. Who...Who has your number who would know of me? As Cho Kyuhyun?”
Zhou Mi paused from drying his hair, letting the towel drop around his shoulders. “Knows you? Um. I call you Kui Xian when I talk to my parents so... Hankyung? Heechul?”
Neither had been the voice on the phone. Neither would have hung up hearing his voice. He bit his lip.
“My father?”
Zhou Mi’s eyes widened. “Oh. Yes. I didn’t... What did they say?”
“I answered, said it was your phone. They asked “Cho Kyuhyun?” and I said yes, and they hung up.”
Zhou Mi had spoken to him at length of the calls his father had made to him. How he had asked what books Zhou Mi had seen, if he thought Kyuhyun had more he wasn’t showing. How easy it had been to get past Kyuhyun to get to the books. If he thought the books were worth anything, and did he think Kyuhyun would be willing to sell?
None of the questions had been designed to raise Zhou Mi’s suspicion... He had known the man to be a collector and seller of books, so it seemed more like professional interest at the time. Still, Zhou Mi had been cautious... He had never asked Kyuhyun any of the questions his father had asked, either about selling, or if there were additional books. Perhaps a convenient thing, something that made him look more trustable. But there had been such a serious, contemplating expression on his face as he had sat, holding Kyuhyun’s hand as he tried to relate everything, so that there were no secrets between them. He had no doubt that no matter what his father was up to, Zhou Mi had simply been used as an information grabber and nothing more. Sending Zhou Mi, having him fall in love with Kyuhyun, had definitely not been part of the plan. And it had been almost a month since Zhou Mi had received a call.
“It didn’t list a number,” Zhou Mi murmured, staring hard at his phone as though it would reveal something to him.
“Maybe it’s nothing.”
Zhou Mi didn’t bother going around to his side of the bed, instead sliding in beside Kyuhyun. “It’s not nothing to you. You’re worried.”
Kyuhyun welcomed Zhou Mi’s warmth, face close to Zhou Mi’s. “I just wonder. If he thinks I’m picking up your phone, if he’s... Could he be in Korea? Has he come back for the book? What if he... What if the fire, if everything...”
“I don’t know. I really don’t.”
“He was never supposed to come back, Mimi.”
He felt Zhou Mi’s arms contract at the use of the pet name. “Oh, Kui Xian... I don’t know how, but I’ll do everything I can to make it okay.”
“I don’t want him to take you from me.”
Zhou Mi’s warmth retreated immediately and his hand was hard around Kyuhyun’s arm, yanking him upright on the bed until they could face each other. Zhou Mi had both hands on his head, so that he had no choice but to look, to see the dark eyes staring fiercely back at him.
“Kui Xian. Cho Kyuhyun. I love you. I’m in love with you. You are everywhere inside me. I can’t even brush my teeth without thinking of you now. Tell me how I could leave you. Tell me, please.”
Kyuhyun shook his head, tried to as much as he was able from the grip of Zhou Mi’s hands.
“I believe you. You would never betray me like that. I believe you.”
He could see the proof of Zhou Mi’s love, lived it, felt it. And they sat together, speaking only with their eyes, until some of worry had faded, absorbed into Zhou Mi. Even as somehow he felt it was only the beginning. And he slept, sheltered in the curve of Zhou Mi’s shoulder, as Zhou Mi stayed awake late into the night, thinking, wondering, of anything he might have missed.
***
Every time a phone call came into the store, he would look up to see Zhou Mi’s eyes on him, worried, wondering.
He had taken to marking on the calendar when the calls would arrive, in case there was a rhyme or reason to their arrival. Perhaps the dates would be important. His heart began to trip in his chest as the phone trilled, and every time he heard a human voice answer, his supplier, someone with questions about store hours, and a weight dropped from him. He sent a smile to Zhou Mi every time and they passed days that way.
But it was different when there was no voice on the other end, just silence, as he repeated himself.
Zhou Mi turned away, face tight as he marked the calendar the eighth day in a row. Henry nodded at him when he motioned that he was going back, and he found Zhou Mi not far inside, leaning against the supply racks, arms folded against his chest.
“What’s wrong?”
Zhou Mi inhaled sharply, shaking his head at Kyuhyun’s question. “Every time I stop and think, I wonder... Did I bring this on you? Is it my fault? None of this started until I came.”
“No! He used you... If it hadn’t been you, it would have been someone else. You’re not allowed to think it’s your fault.” His arms tightened around Zhou Mi’s waist as though he could squeeze the doubt away. “And we have no way to know if it’s really related. So stop.”
“I don’t want to think I made this harder on you.”
“You’re here, don’t you realize... You’re here.”
He kept whispering those words as Zhou Mi’s lips ghosted over the skin beneath his eyes, his cheeks. He had been so focused on his own worry, he hadn’t even been able to see just how much Zhou Mi was affected as well. Worried for Kyuhyun, worried for himself, and their relationship... It was a shock as he tried to kiss Zhou Mi, that he was avoided, mouth meeting the corner of Zhou Mi’s lips instead.
“You said I wouldn’t lose you,” he said, voice tight.
“You aren’t!”
“Then why...”
Zhou Mi kissed him, hard, desperate. “I’m worried. I can’t help it.”
“Then worry with me and not off on your own.”
“It’s enough that I have you,” Zhou Mi told him, and he wanted to say how lame it sounded, but Zhou Mi wasn’t finished. His thumbs slicked down the hair that fell against Kyuhyun’s cheeks, and an expression close to pain darkened his face. He was so close to asking why when in less time than it took to blink, Zhou Mi had dragged him closer, kissing him. Desperate was not the word for it, hard lips pressing, opening Kyuhyun’s mouth to his as if he were punishing himself. All Kyuhyun knew what to do was to give in to it, kissing back gently, waiting for the tension in Zhou Mi’s body to waver, for him to soften and show him that Zhou Mi knew that it was Kyuhyun he was kissing. It was not a frightening kiss, but it did not speak to him of Zhou Mi. If it were Zhou Mi, if the heat of this kiss had all of Zhou Mi’s warmth and desire behind it, all the little sounds he could not seem to help making, he would not be thinking. He would be begging. That Zhou Mi could make him want so much...
Their mouths parted roughly, Zhou Mi pulling back with a forcible shudder. He stared at Kyuhyun’s lips. They throbbed, felt heated, and he knew that he must look thoroughly kissed. But Zhou Mi closed his eyes.
With a sigh, he pressed close, kissing Zhou Mi with care, gently sucking on his lower lip. He felt Zhou Mi sigh, felt some of the tension he had been fighting leave as Zhou Mi leaned into him. This time, they kissed each other, a sweet apology and acceptance.
For a moment it seemed all was normal, Zhou Mi lifting a tentative finger to rest against Kyuhyun’s lips. His stomach tightened, feeling what he had not felt before in the heat of Zhou Mi’s stare.
“Do you... Do you like that?” he asked, steeling himself before looking up.
He could see desire in Zhou Mi’s eyes, and it seared into him, before it was shuttered off, Zhou Mi clutching him, whispering “I love you, I love you, I love you” against Kyuhyun’s neck.
When Zhou Mi pulled back he was smiling, a genuine one that touched his eyes as he bit his lip in a sheepish gesture. “I’m sorry, Kui Xian. I’m being weird.”
“Anything I can do to help?”
“I think being with you is just enough.”
“You’ll make me think you want to start carrying me around in your pocket or something,” he said, and felt a smile curve at Zhou Mi’s laugh.
“Can you stay tonight?” he asked, trying not to let the hope into his voice. Maybe they could expel some of this weirdness before it got out of hand.
“Yes,” Zhou told him, rubbing his nose gently against Kyuhyun’s. “Love you, Kui Xian.”
He promised himself he would pay more attention to Zhou Mi’s worry. It just wasn’t acceptable that he should blame himself. Sunshine couldn’t possibly be allowed to be unhappy for long.
***
He moaned against Zhou Mi’s mouth, reaching for him, his waist, his hips, anything to pull him closer.
“Mi?” He blinked, startled as his mouth was abandoned, the trim hips suddenly out of reach.
There was a frown on Zhou Mi’s face, a frown that he echoed as he watched Zhou Mi’s arm drag across his lips.
“What did you want for dinner?” Zhou Mi asked him, launching himself off of the couch.
“Dinn...What?”
“Did you want take out? Or maybe we could go out and eat tonight. Maybe the place we went our first date? That seemed nice.”
“Did you forget to eat today or something?” What other explanation was there for him leaving a very willing and now very wanting Kyuhyun high and dry?
“No,” Zhou Mi said, sounding confused. “I just thought it’d be nice. Recreating our first date would be nice, wouldn’t it?”
Getting Zhou Mi back onto the couch would be nice, too.
“Okay. We can do that. Do we need reservations?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Okay.”
He had no idea what was up with this mood of Zhou Mi’s, but he’d play along.
“You want me to wear the same thing, too?” he joked.
“That’d be nice,” Zhou Mi said somewhat absently.
By then he felt steady enough to stand, stepping up beside Zhou Mi.
“Hey, is something wrong?”
“No.”
“Would you tell me if there was?”
“Of course, Kui Xian. We promised to tell each other.”
“Then are you mad at me for something?”
“Mad? No! I want to spend time with you!”
“I’m right here.”
“I know,” Zhou Mi said, finally, finally, turning to him and kissing him very chastely. “We just haven’t done anything really special lately. And I want to do that for you. I love you, Kui Xian.”
He was almost certain Zhou Mi kissed him again after saying it to keep from hearing, watching, Kyuhyun fumble for something to say. “I know.” or “I hope you had a good day.” seemed weak in the face of the emotion Zhou Mi poured into this, into him. At least this way, he could show Zhou Mi... He might not return his words, but he never turned away his kiss.
Zhou Mi stole a kiss outside of the apartment door, as though he really was kissing his date goodnight, before letting them both inside. Zhou Mi had insisted he needed to change for bed first, and by the time Kyuhyun had finished, was passed out on the bed. Nothing was wrong, Zhou Mi told him. At dinner everything had been totally normal between them. Zhou Mi had been his normal, slightly flirty self. But anything beyond a hug, anything beyond a kiss... And Zhou Mi started edging away. It was frustrating him that he didn’t know why. He wasn’t stupid or blind, he saw the appreciation in Zhou Mi’s eyes. Against all reason the man found him hot. So why wasn’t he doing something about it?
***
Author: Coley Merrin
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Zhou Mi/Kyuhyun and Siwon/Hankyung (with possible additions)
Genre: AU. Drama/Romance/Angst/Fluff/The kitchen sink
Summary: The bookstore called "Soulmate" has been the most important thing in Kyuhyun's life. With it, he has built a fortress of brick and page around himself, one that can only be brought down from the inside -- both with love and with danger.
Hankyung has built a life of meaning, but finds no substance in it and lives in dreams. Dreams that, when they materialize, make him question his ability to reach and hold on when he wants nothing less.
***
Chapter One ** Chapter Two ** Chapter Three ** Chapter Four ** Chapter Five ** Chapter Six ** Chapter Seven ** Chapter Eight ** Chapter Nine ** Chapter Ten **
Chapter Eleven ** Chapter Twelve ** Chapter Thirteen ** Chapter Fourteen ** Chapter Fifteen ** Chapter Sixteen ** Chapter Seventeen
***
Chapter Sixteen
***
Zhou Mi was on the phone as he exited for lunch, waving with a wide smile. He found himself following Zhou Mi with his eyes until he had disappeared from sight. For some reason, he imagined that Zhou Mi could ask him to go with him, even for a while. But from the look of him, he was busy, distracted. Their lives certainly did not revolve around each other. Despite the time they had been spending together.
They would not spend every night together, not every free moment. He did not expect it. He was used to his own time, needed it. But he was on shaky ground. No one expected them to partition their own time, like planning appointments. They had made no plans... He craved that and felt a bit uncomfortably needy. Stability... That was what he wanted.
When Zhou Mi returned, his smile was even brighter. He reached for Kyuhyun’s hand, curling his fingers around something small and cool.
“Will you be back on your break?”
“Yeah,” he said, distracted by Zhou Mi’s hand around his.
“Good.”
When he opened his hand, he laughed, and it surely echoed back to Zhou Mi. He’d finally found that dolphin.
***
Kyuhyun sank into his break chair, the dolphin in his hand.
“Are you just going to keep on giving me these?” he asked.
“Should I?” Zhou Mi asked, leaning back. “I said I’d get that one for you... And there were butterflies for Yunjee, but I didn’t... Should I continue giving them to you?”
“They’re just...unexpected. I’d think you’d be bringing me books or something.”
“I gave you a book and it got me here,” Zhou Mi said, laughing.
“That was a trade,” he pointed out.
“Okay... Well, it’d have to be a really special book then. I just... Wanted you to think of me.”
“You succeeded there.”
“Some of it good?’ Zhou Mi asked with such hope that he laughed.
“Yeah, some of it good. You said you’d found a butterfly?”
“I did... There were a few. I wasn’t sure which one she would like. Would you go back with me and help me pick one out? They’re only open during the day, but whenever you wanted to. It wouldn’t take long.”
Joy tiptoed through him. “Sure! Ryeowook doesn’t need me all the time. We can go anytime when Henry is here.”
“Tomorrow?”
“Sounds good. We don’t want to keep Yunjee waiting.”
They smiled at each other and he needed, irrespective of where they were...to touch. He stood, moving to Zhou Mi, feeling confident in Zhou Mi’s arms around his waist. The dark eyes closed as he smoothed away his bangs, kissing his forehead softly. He brushed both cheekbones waiting for Zhou Mi’s eyes to meet his. Waiting then not for his eyes but his mouth to tremble open.
“Kui...”
He tasted the last half of his name, nearly shuddering as Zhou Mi’s arms tightened around him, guiding him so that he could fully sit against Zhou Mi, caught up against his body. He stroked Zhou Mi’s neck with his hands, reveling in feeling the content vibrations against his palms, against his mouth.
It was exquisite sensation as Zhou Mi sucked in his bottom lip, nibbling it gently. That was a new spin on kissing entirely... And he could not help but try it himself. Zhou Mi’s fingers tightened on his hips.
“Kui Xian...” Zhou Mi’s voice was tight as their noses brushed.
“Yeah? I haven’t gone anywhere.”
The chuckle was bright. “Yes, you are here. Will you... Are you free tonight?”
“I think so. I’d need to check with my TV,” he said, flippant and secure. And smitten... Was that the right word? Absolutely taken with his adoration for the man with him.
“Oh?” Zhou Mi asked, eyes coy. “Would your TV mind company?”
“It could probably stand another person to watch it. You’ll lend me your shoulder?”
“I could do that. It’s yours whenever you want it, Kui Xian. It’s yours.”
He smiled, letting his chin rest on Zhou Mi’s shoulder. “You could stay if you wanted. I don’t mind.”
“Really? You don’t mind, huh?”
“I’d like it if you did. If you want to.”
Zhou Mi giggled into his neck. “I do want, Kui Xian. I told you that you’re a cute sleeper. You know... Seeing you... If I wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes I have a hard time getting back to sleep because... It’s hard to resist watching you. I guess that’s why I’m tired in the morning. Is that weird?”
Had he not noticed the eyes watching him as he slept? No, it wasn’t weird. It felt... Good. But it also made his skin heat, imagining Zhou Mi in the night laying so close. Looking, wishing that he could touch, kiss... It wasn’t as though he could watch himself sleep, so how could he dispute Zhou Mi’s claim? He sat back, needing to see Zhou Mi’s face.
“It probably should be creepy,” he said, a little on the awkward side. “I don’t understand what you saw in me.”
Zhou Mi tilted his head. “Well. You’re very attractive Kui Xian.”
“Attractive kept you asking me out and being okay with getting rejected? I can’t possibly be that hot.”
“What else could I do? I was here... And you never turned me down in a way that said you didn’t want me to ask again... You never asked me to stop. When I saw you... I thought, really, what did I do that such an amazingly good looking guy has these books...?”
“And then what a letdown when I had them but didn’t know anything about them.”
“Not really. There are a lot of people who own books but don’t have any idea of their value. You might not know how to read the contents, but you valued them. And that was incredibly attractive to me, too. And by then, I knew even more about you. How much your friends meant to you, how well you cared for your shop. You were funny, even when you were turning me down, and nice to me, too.”
“I don’t remember being nice. I just remember running away.”
Zhou Mi smiled. “I was running with you.”
“You know sometimes I get the feeling that you were working me into this in stages. Getting me used to your presence, seeing if I would miss you...”
“Hey!” Zhou Mi said, indignant. “You were the one hugging me, touching me.”
“I know. Who knew I wouldn’t be able to do without that, too?”
A heartfelt sigh. “You’re telling me.”
“It was a slow contamination.”
“Yeah? Can you build up immunity?”
“I don’t know... Maybe you should start wearing that cologne every day and we’ll find out.”
“No way,” Zhou Mi said, shaking his head. “That’s my secret weapon. And I don’t think they make an antidote for Kui Xian.”
“You might be surprised.”
“They wouldn’t hold me like you do, or kiss me like you do...”
“You are such a liar if you’re trying to tell me I’m an amazing kisser.”
“But you’re very eager. And I hear that practice makes perfect.”
“You’ll lay yourself down over those tracks for me, won’t you?”
“Absolutely. I used to see your mind working a mile an hour when you were near me... “Will he touch me? What will he do” Now, you’re calmer...”
“You mean a mile a minute? So you’re saying the mystery is gone?”
“No!” He cackled. “I think there are quite a few left.”
“Then hopefully you won’t be disappointed,” he said, voice soft.
“I haven’t been yet.” Zhou Mi kissed him tenderly. “And I think your break has been over for a while.”
“Ah! You’re making me shirk my responsibilities.”
“I’ll still be a bad influence tonight.”
“I’ll look forward to it.”
Zhou Mi’s laughter was all the agreement he needed.
***
They were halfway through a drama episode when Zhou Mi sat up straight.
“Ah!”
“What is it?” Kyuhyun asked, muting the commercials and trying to disentangle himself from Zhou Mi’s legs somehow.
“I can’t stay tonight! I have a meeting tomorrow morning, and I don’t think they’d appreciate me showing up in your pajamas. Ach, I can’t believe I almost forgot.”
He snickered. “I’d appreciate it. Do you need to go now?”
“I can wait till this episode is done.” Zhou Mi relaxed back into the cushions and pulled Kyuhyun close. “He’s not going to be stupid and not go to her, is he?” he asked, referencing the drama they were watching.
“There are five episodes left, of course he’s going to be stupid. Ah, it’s back.”
The episode ended far too quickly, in his opinion. The preview of the next week’s episode seemed over before he could even blink. They had been together three nights of the last four... He rubbed his cheek lightly over Zhou Mi’s shoulder as he muted the TV again.
“Well, you should get going,” he said, trying for a bright tone. “So you can be fresh in the morning.”
He wanted to ask what the meeting was, but the question bottled up inside him as Zhou Mi shrugged into his coat. He tugged Kyuhyun close.
“Call me if you need anything, Kui Xian. Anything. I mean it.”
“If my feet are cold?” he asked with lifted brow.
“I’ll tell you how to warm them,” Zhou Mi promised. “Ancient Chinese secret.”
“I guess you are useful. And don’t worry, I’ll be fine. There aren’t any monsters under my bed.”
“I’ll worry less if you’ll promise to call.”
“I’ll call, I promise. Don’t worry, Anytime,” he said, both of them grinning at the use of the word still beside Zhou Mi’s name in Kyuhyun’s phone.
“I can be content then.” Kyuhyun’s eyes drifted closed as Zhou Mi stroked his face. “I love you, Kui Xian.”
The kiss was soft and sweet and satisfying... It wrapped him in warmth, as if Zhou Mi were attempting to make up for every kiss he would be missing.
“Will you still remember me in the morning?” Zhou Mi asked softly.
“Probably,” he said with a smirk, and Zhou Mi pinched his ear.
He curled on the tiny couch, staring at the silent but still brightly moving TV. The cushion he was clutching to his chest was a poor substitute for Zhou Mi. But when he thought of him, of that final lingering kiss... He couldn’t help but bury his face in the cushion and laugh himself sick. He had no idea what he was doing, and it felt fantastic.
***
By the time he left Donghae to go to work, they were both considerably cheered. But he still harbored a worry in his chest, no matter how bright Donghae’s eyes had been, or how enthusiastic the parting kiss had been.
Their plans had been to study together that night. (And really, they did study. On and off.) He was supposed to go to Donghae’s apartment, but he had barely walked a block from Soulmate before he was tackled from behind.
He focused on his balance, heart thumping out of his chest.
“Henry! Did you have a good day at work?”
He relaxed back against Donghae’s chest with a sigh. “You scared me to death!”
For some reason he felt like he was going to be jumped - Donghae’s admonition to be careful striking home.
“Sorry! I thought I’d meet you. But you walked right past me. You must have been deep in thought.”
He studied Donghae’s face for any sign of trouble. But there was none. He was jittery, but not in a way that spoke of a problem, more that he was excited.
“Did something good happen?”
“You can tell?” Donghae asked, grinning bright enough to blind. “I did something I wanted to do for a long time. Let’s celebrate tonight, okay? You want to see a movie? Or something else?”
He thought of their upcoming test. They still had a few days to look over the material.
“I haven’t seen a movie in ages. But... Do you want to rent one? So we can relax?”
“Yeah!”
They had pizza, a huge box of it, and just kept eating while watching the two movies, until they were about to pop, leaning against each other in a gluttonous haze.
Donghae was intent on the subtitles, sucking on his lower lip as they watched. He focused more on Donghae than the movie.
“Henry,” Donghae whispered, as though they were really in a theater. “You’re not watching.”
Donghae snuggled closer, holding one of Henry’s hands in both of his, and he leaned in close. Donghae had been considerably calmer since they had come back and it calmed him too.
Then Donghae climbed into his lap. He realized that he had just slept through the end of the movie.
“Hi,” Donghae said, kissing him.
“Hi,” he replied, enjoying the way Donghae leaned against him. There was a question that still nagged at him from yesterday. How he had been introduced. “So. Am I your boyfriend?”
Donghae’s mouth made a neat little “o.”
“I. Well. I. I said that just because I didn’t know what else to say. But. That’s what I think of you as. Is that okay?”
“I’ve never had a boyfriend before.”
“Really? Sorry I didn’t ask.”
“That’s okay. Hey.” He waited till Donghae looked up at him. “Hi, I’m your boyfriend Henry.”
“Oh. Oh!” Donghae threw his head back and laughed. “Hi! I’m your boyfriend Donghae.”
Then he leaned close, taking generous pinches of both of Henry’s cheeks.
“You are so cute!”
Was it possible to be cute when one’s face was stretched out like a toad, he wondered. Apparently. But Donghae was finally content to let them go in favor of kissing. He liked that quite a lot more.
With a little help from Donghae he managed to get them both upright, Donghae rather precariously wrapped around him. For a second he thought ‘Ah! I could carry Donghae into the bedroom. I am Henry, manly man.’
They made it three feet, kept from collapsing into a sad puddle only by a quick hand against the wall.
They didn’t actually make it to the bed for a while. The floor was that much closer.
***
Donghae seemed to pride himself on being Henry’s body pillow. He couldn’t say he minded being used as a personal heater. He was kind of glad it wasn’t the dead of summer, or they might have started melting into each other. He thought his tiny apartment was probably gathering dust. Donghae flatly refused to sleep over, but seemed okay with spending an hour or two there. Probably because of his “uncle” and needing to be able to be found.
He didn’t mind. Donghae just wanted him close. Donghae’s bed was bigger, and his couch was comfortable, and his TV was definitely nicer. It was good. Kind of like they were roommates. Except they were dating. Roommate-boyfriends. There was probably a word for that.
He rolled over, squishing Donghae into the mattress in an attempt to wake him.
“We have to go to class.”
“Erk,” Donghae grunted, squinching up his face. And trying to steal a kiss.
“No,” Henry said, laughing and rolling away. “We have to go to class.”
Donghae pouted, standing with him. “We have time.”
Running the whole way, they made it just before the professor. Donghae had been right.
***
“The owners of the store are a little eccentric,” Zhou Mi cautioned, taking Kyuhyun’s hand as they approached the store.
“Am I prepared then, knowing you?”
“I guess we’ll see!”
The store smelled of earthy scents, flowers and paint. A strange combination that somehow worked, especially seeing the sculptures scattered artfully around some nearly up to his knee, big handmade pots, down to tiny bells and figurines. As they stepped off of the mat, a man’s head popped up above the edge of the counter, hair sleek against his head and face streaked with some dark paint. He grinned, seeing Zhou Mi, a deep dimple creasing one cheek.
“You came! And this must be Kyuhyun! Oh, he is cute. You were right about the owl. It definitely fits.”
Kyuhyun froze, startled at the rapid words being thrown his way.
“This is Eeteuk, Kui Xian,” Zhou Mi explained. “He owns the store. He made some of the animals I gave you. And Kangin...”
“Yeah, yeah, that guy,” Eeteuk interrupted, beckoning as though he could pull them closer to the counter. “We’ve been waiting to meet you! Zhou Mi told us some, but he wasn’t really forthcoming. You own a bookstore then? You know all about the trials, then. It’s great, but...”
“The butterflies?” Zhou Mi said, quickly as Eeteuk briefly paused to breathe.
“Oh! Yes. Could you bring the butterflies?” Eeteuk called through the open door.
There was a pause. “Where are they?” a loud voice bellowed back.
A faintly murderous expression crossed Eeteuk’s face for a split second. “Honestly, if he would open his eyes... On the counter!” he shouted back, sweetly composing his face before turning to them. “Just watch, he’ll come out and they’ll have been right in front of him.”
From the sheepish expression on the handsome man’s face, what Eeteuk said was true.
“So this is him?” Kangin asked, handing Eeteuk the box. “I don’t know if our stuff has been used to woo someone before. Maybe to get into their pants, but...”
Eeteuk rolled his eyes at Kangin. “I’d like you to meet the brawn of the operation.”
“And this is the talent,” Kangin said, smile beaming as he slung his arm over Eeteuk’s shoulders.
“You’re supposed to say brains.”
“I know.”
“You make everything here?” Kyuhyun asked.
“Almost,” Eeteuk said, dimple flashing. “When Zhou Mi called us at... What was it Kangin, 3 A.M.? We were able to recreate what we’d made for you before.”
“3 A.M.?” Kyuhyun stared at Zhou Mi, astonished. Right after they had cleaned up from the fire, he had...?
“I thought I was calling the store number and was going to leave a message,” Zhou Mi said, defending himself.
“Luckily we were still awake, then,” Eeteuk teased. “Everything turned out okay after the fire? Zhou Mi mentioned it was, but...”
“Yeah, we don’t trust him,” Kangin interjected.
“No! That’s not it.” Eeteuk laughed. “It’s just nice to hear from the source. We kept meaning to come by your store... Now we can without scaring you by being loud when we see the animals. Zhou Mi told us you had them on display.”
Well. Ryeowook had put them on display. But he didn’t really mind so much anymore. And did anyone else have to talk when these two started? Kyuhyun wondered.
“You see why I kept coming back,” Zhou Mi murmured.
“I helped him pick out what he wanted,” Eeteuk said. “I like giving my opinions, clearly. And no matter what Kangin says, a raccoon is not romantic.”
“And a pig is?”
“It was romantic! It says “I’ll love you through thick and thin!””
“The butterflies?” Zhou Mi said before Kangin could open his mouth. “Kyuhyun needs to get back to the store eventually.”
“Sorry! Of course.” Eeteuk brought the box up, folding down the sides to reveal a small forest of butterflies in various shapes and sizes and colors.
“This is why I needed your help,” Zhou Mi told Kyuhyun, who was gaping he was sure.
“I can see why.”
“I got a little carried away,” Eeteuk confessed. “When he mentioned butterflies...”
“You were just getting one for Yunjee?” Kyuhyun asked.
“Teukie thinks you should get a little butterfly family for her,” Kangin said quickly.
“Can I speak for myself, please? And yes... Wouldn’t it be cute? A little one and two bigger ones to represent her new little family!”
“You are chatty,” he said and Zhou Mi grinned sheepishly. “I think Hankyung might cry. I like it.”
“Great! We can put them on a base for you, so they’ll stand nicely together.”
“Did you open this store together?”
“No... It was my grandmother’s, so I had worked here, sweeping and helping and learning most of my life. I took over when she got older. Kangin... I kind of picked him up accidentally along the way.”
“Don’t lie,” Kangin scolded, kissing his cheek. “And you have paint on your face. Nice to meet you Kyuhyun!”
Eeteuk threw a towel at Kangin’s retreating back, missing by a good three feet.
“And that’s why I don’t play baseball.”
A thought was forming in Kyuhyun’s mind, of the shelves he kept for little trinkets to sell, little things that people wandered by to look at in the store window, a little gift to go with a purchase. He had trouble thinking what to fill those shelves up with, sometimes, but these things... The tiny vases, colorful bells and handmade animals... He could see them selling well.
“What are you thinking?” Zhou Mi asked him.
“Do you sell to other stores?” he asked Eeteuk.
“We do. Why?”
And that was how they walked out with not just three dancing butterflies, but a box filled with random figures, a hand-painted sign to set beside them, and small packing boxes and tissue paper. Not to mention the beaming Eeteuk, waving at them from the sidewalk.
***
Zhou Mi had kissed him briefly at the car when they returned from the pottery store, telling him he would be back in in the morning. It seemed Zhou Mi was more distracted... Nearly forgetting his mysterious meeting, not spending the full day at the store. And when he did enter the next morning, he sent Kyuhyun a teasing grin before breezing by.
“Ah, wait!” he said, staring around at the empty store and knowing he’d hear the door if anyone opened it.
Zhou Mi caught him with one arm as he darted through the door after him, sliding that arm up beneath his shoulder blades.
“Good morning, Kui Xian.”
“You shouldn’t just pass right by me.”
“Habit... And if it gets you to come after me?”
He was somewhat off balance as Zhou Mi kissed him, reaching up to take a firm hold around Zhou Mi’s neck as he leaned solidly against that protecting arm.
“Stay tonight,” he breathed.
“I have a bag in my car,” Zhou Mi said.
His laughter was cut off by Zhou Mi’s lips, and he moaned, tasting citrus sweet juice and desire in Zhou Mi’s kiss.
He heard the chimes ring out with only part of his mind, heard Ryeowook pass them to go out to check.
“It’s Hankyung,” Ryeowook said a moment later, a bit hesitantly.
“Tell him to go away,” Kyuhyun said, which sounded like a series of unarticulated grunts against Zhou Mi’s mouth, and he waved behind himself for emphasis.
“Don’t you dare tell me to go away,” Hankyung said from far too near, clearly understanding the sentiment.
“Close your eyes, sweetheart, I don’t think they’re meaning to show the world,” he heard Siwon say.
Yunjee was giggling into Hankyung’s shoulder, and all of them were grinning as he finally turned his head.
“I needed his brain for organization today,” Hankyung said, letting a whine sneak into his voice. “Good going, Zhou Mi.”
“Oh. Moving day!”
“Did you need any extra help?” Zhou Mi asked while Kyuhyun was still pulling himself together mentally, as well as pulling back his balance from Zhou Mi’s clever arm.
“Are you volunteering? Because if so, yes please. Any additional hands are welcome.”
“It’s the least I can do,” Zhou Mi said, laughing against the side of Kyuhyun’s head.
***
Consolidating furniture was a terrifying thing. They had gone through Siwon’s apartment, listing what furniture he had, and then they went to Hankyung’s house to repeat it and see what they both had, and what they didn’t need. And which of what they liked better. His head spun, just a little bit. They didn’t even bother to inventory the kitchen, figuring they’d unpack and discard there as needed.
Siwon’s couch was voted as an instant keeper. It was considerably less used and larger... And most importantly off all, better fitting two (horizontally) or three (the three of them collectively). Linens and clothes and miscellaneous were packed.
To both their delight, they agreed that Hankyung’s bed set was wonderful... Which meant they wouldn’t have to move Siwon’s. That had been the lengthiest decision made... Requiring a midday nap, and an evaluation of Hankyung’s shower. All passed.
Dressers, desks and tables. Towels and kitchen utensils. Combining two households was messy work. Yunjee had gotten the new bed for her newly painted room. Siwon said he was going to buy her a new one for her birthday... But getting a new room, a new house, seemed like occasion enough.
It sank into him in levels as they carried boxes, depositing them in the rooms they had been marked for. Trip after trip, until every box, bucket and stick had been put in its place. Which meant there were boxes everywhere. And an eternity of unpacking left to tackle. They had ordered pizza, feeding all five of them a celebratory dinner of pizza.
Yunjee had been at school for most of the excitement, but came into the house wide eyed, spotting things, a house plant, the couch, things that that she recognized from the apartment where she and Siwon had lived.
Kyuhyun scooted over on the couch, leaning against Zhou Mi’s arm. “Remember when we talked about the animals Zhou Mi gave me?”
“Yeah?” Yunjee said, cocking her head in confusion. “Did he get you a dolphin?”
“He did... But he got you something, too. For your new room.”
She leaped to her feet. “Really? What kind? A dolphin too, or...?”
Zhou Mi laughed, pulling down the box. “Why don’t you see? And it’s from both of us,” he said, sending a significant look down at Kyuhyun.
She took it reverently, opening the top in jerky movements. Her squeal could have deafened the hardest of hearing.
“Oh, Daddy, Geng, look! Aren’t they beautiful?” she shouted, pulling the wooden base with the three nestled butterflies out of the box. Siwon took Hankyung’s hand as they stepped closer.
“They are, baby,” Siwon said.
“Daddy and Geng and me?” she asked of Zhou Mi, wide eyed.
“Yep.”
He could feel Kyuhyun’s eyes watching him, and Siwon’s arm nestled him into his shoulder, giving him precious seconds to dry his eyes. Was he that predictable?
“They really are beautiful,” Hankyung told Yunjee. “What should you say to Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun?”
“Oh, thank you!” she said, setting her treasures carefully back in the box to bound up and grasp both of them around the neck. “Thank you, thank you!”
She leaned into them, whispering but loud enough for all of them to hear. “Can we get another one if I get a baby sister?”
“We can get as many as you need,” Kyuhyun told her, stifling a chuckle.
The laugh felt good.
***
“You want more children,” he stated, more than asked Siwon, Yunjee’s comment sitting heavily in the back of his mind.
“I think you should get used to one before we think about that, don’t you think?” Siwon asked, half hidden as he lifted towels from a box.
“Seriously, Siwon. I mean it. I know we discussed this before, but...”
Siwon set the towels on the edge of the bed, sitting close beside him, a leg tucked up so that he could face Hankyung properly. He was silent several moments as he considered.
“I can’t explain how happy Yunjee makes me. I really enjoy being a father, and it wasn’t really something I questioned... Wanted to have a couple of kids someday. But if Yunjee is the one, then I’m not unhappy, you know? Between her and you, I feel like so much of my life has been filled. You’re thinking of this because of her hinting? To know she’s loved and well cared for, that’s most important to me. Numbers don’t matter.”
“Someday then, we can decide. I knew that you might want more children. It is something I’ve wanted, too.”
“Then I’m satisfied no matter what,” Siwon said, kissing him.
The second, final realization dropped onto him like an errant cow as he hung Siwon’s clothes in his closet. No. Their closet. Their closet, their bed, their room. Their... No. Siwon’s daughter, and his...? He shied away from the thought. There were liberties he had not been granted, things too precious to rush. This was their room, tangibly so. They were each other’s. Everything beyond that would find it’s own order.
“Siwon?” he called, waiting only moments before Siwon stepped out of the bathroom door.
“Yeah?”
He put his hand on the wall to steady himself. “This is our closet.”
“It is,” Siwon said, looking a bit wary as he stepped closer, gauging Hankyung’s mood.
“And tomorrow we’ll have breakfast in our kitchen.”
A smile bloomed. “We will.”
“And I won’t have to wonder if I can fall asleep beside you.”
“I love you.”
He felt almost as though he should be thanking Siwon as they kissed. But no... It was a gift they were giving each other. There were no thanks needed in that.
Of course, part of the night, their first night there, Yunjee had spent in their bed, until Siwon had carried her gently back to her new pink daybed. They all had adjustments to make. The rest of the night had been spent with Siwon’s arm over his ribs. And between the two, he had no complaints.
***
Kyuhyun introduced Zhou Mi to the other occasional occupier of his time.
Games.
Not that he didn’t enjoy card games or board games or any of the other things to do. It was infinitely more amusing, though, as it included an hour of Zhou Mi gasping into his ear, and debates on eye-hand coordination. Zhou Mi, given the controls, died spectacularly within just a few minutes.
“What... What did I do?”
“You have to fight back. Standing and trying to run away isn’t going to cut it. Ah! Right there, click, no, no like...”
“No!”
Zhou Mi’s frustrated response at the totally innocent computer had him nearly crying with laughter, dropping down and onto his side, rolling with it. Zhou Mi poking him in the stomach with his foot didn’t help him any.
“You’re a very bad teacher, Kui Xian. Help me instead of laughing at me,” he said, mouth sulky.
“Let’s make you survive one fight. I know we can do it.”
He kept his hands over Zhou Mi’s that time, barking out instructions between bursts of laughter as Zhou Mi continued to exclaim in mock terror.
“Just a little bit, no don’t stop... Yes!”
“We did it? Ah! We did it!”
Zhou Mi lifted him clean off of the floor in his enthusiasm.
“I think you just died,” he said, breathless. “We didn’t pause it.”
Zhou Mi didn’t seem to mind, as Kyuhyun’s toes finally met the floor. They were all that did, held up against Zhou Mi as they kissed. I’m so glad you’re here, he thought, leaning into the surprisingly soft kiss.
“Ah,” he whispered, feet finally flat on the floor again. “I forgot that I had something to give you.”
“Oh?” Zhou Mi’s eyes lit up at the thought. “What?”
Zhou Mi let him go long enough for him to find the sack it was kept in.
“Here take this home with you.”
Zhou Mi stared at his hand. “What is this?”
“A toothbrush? Surely you’ve seen one before.”
“Well. Yes. Why?”
“To keep there... It’s kind of inconvenient to carry a toothbrush back and forth, don’t you think? And I don’t really want to share yours.”
Zhou Mi’s mouth bowed in surprise, and he stepped closer, voice dropping in volume as he spoke. “Oh. Oh! I’ll... Can I keep one here?”
“I got one for you, like you have. Umm... Zhou Mi? Need to breathe.”
Zhou Mi loosened the death grip he had on Kyuhyun’s neck. “Sorry. Sorry. Thank you, Kui Xian.”
“It’s just a toothbrush,” he murmured, kissing Zhou Mi. Though he knew it was a lot more than that. It was a promise. “Did you want to shower?”
“Yeah. Thanks,” Zhou Mi said again, smiling.
Zhou Mi had not been in the bathroom long before he jumped as Zhou Mi’s phone went off beside him, sending tinkling pop beats into the air.
“Do you want me to answer your phone?” he called, hoping Zhou Mi would hear him above the water running in the shower.
“Please!” Zhou Mi shouted back.
Rolling his eyes at the door, he pressed the phone to his ear. “Hi, this is Zhou Mi’s phone.”
He waited, silent but for the crackling of the line for several seconds. He opened his mouth to repeat himself.
“Cho Kyuhyun?”
He blinked, nearly jerking the phone away to look at it. “Yes? Who is this?”
The phone emitted a sound to let him know that the call had been disconnected. He sat with the phone in his hand, wondering.
Zhou Mi was fully dressed in his pajamas, a towel over his head, when he emerged.
“Who was it on the phone?”
“I don’t know. Who...Who has your number who would know of me? As Cho Kyuhyun?”
Zhou Mi paused from drying his hair, letting the towel drop around his shoulders. “Knows you? Um. I call you Kui Xian when I talk to my parents so... Hankyung? Heechul?”
Neither had been the voice on the phone. Neither would have hung up hearing his voice. He bit his lip.
“My father?”
Zhou Mi’s eyes widened. “Oh. Yes. I didn’t... What did they say?”
“I answered, said it was your phone. They asked “Cho Kyuhyun?” and I said yes, and they hung up.”
Zhou Mi had spoken to him at length of the calls his father had made to him. How he had asked what books Zhou Mi had seen, if he thought Kyuhyun had more he wasn’t showing. How easy it had been to get past Kyuhyun to get to the books. If he thought the books were worth anything, and did he think Kyuhyun would be willing to sell?
None of the questions had been designed to raise Zhou Mi’s suspicion... He had known the man to be a collector and seller of books, so it seemed more like professional interest at the time. Still, Zhou Mi had been cautious... He had never asked Kyuhyun any of the questions his father had asked, either about selling, or if there were additional books. Perhaps a convenient thing, something that made him look more trustable. But there had been such a serious, contemplating expression on his face as he had sat, holding Kyuhyun’s hand as he tried to relate everything, so that there were no secrets between them. He had no doubt that no matter what his father was up to, Zhou Mi had simply been used as an information grabber and nothing more. Sending Zhou Mi, having him fall in love with Kyuhyun, had definitely not been part of the plan. And it had been almost a month since Zhou Mi had received a call.
“It didn’t list a number,” Zhou Mi murmured, staring hard at his phone as though it would reveal something to him.
“Maybe it’s nothing.”
Zhou Mi didn’t bother going around to his side of the bed, instead sliding in beside Kyuhyun. “It’s not nothing to you. You’re worried.”
Kyuhyun welcomed Zhou Mi’s warmth, face close to Zhou Mi’s. “I just wonder. If he thinks I’m picking up your phone, if he’s... Could he be in Korea? Has he come back for the book? What if he... What if the fire, if everything...”
“I don’t know. I really don’t.”
“He was never supposed to come back, Mimi.”
He felt Zhou Mi’s arms contract at the use of the pet name. “Oh, Kui Xian... I don’t know how, but I’ll do everything I can to make it okay.”
“I don’t want him to take you from me.”
Zhou Mi’s warmth retreated immediately and his hand was hard around Kyuhyun’s arm, yanking him upright on the bed until they could face each other. Zhou Mi had both hands on his head, so that he had no choice but to look, to see the dark eyes staring fiercely back at him.
“Kui Xian. Cho Kyuhyun. I love you. I’m in love with you. You are everywhere inside me. I can’t even brush my teeth without thinking of you now. Tell me how I could leave you. Tell me, please.”
Kyuhyun shook his head, tried to as much as he was able from the grip of Zhou Mi’s hands.
“I believe you. You would never betray me like that. I believe you.”
He could see the proof of Zhou Mi’s love, lived it, felt it. And they sat together, speaking only with their eyes, until some of worry had faded, absorbed into Zhou Mi. Even as somehow he felt it was only the beginning. And he slept, sheltered in the curve of Zhou Mi’s shoulder, as Zhou Mi stayed awake late into the night, thinking, wondering, of anything he might have missed.
***
Every time a phone call came into the store, he would look up to see Zhou Mi’s eyes on him, worried, wondering.
He had taken to marking on the calendar when the calls would arrive, in case there was a rhyme or reason to their arrival. Perhaps the dates would be important. His heart began to trip in his chest as the phone trilled, and every time he heard a human voice answer, his supplier, someone with questions about store hours, and a weight dropped from him. He sent a smile to Zhou Mi every time and they passed days that way.
But it was different when there was no voice on the other end, just silence, as he repeated himself.
Zhou Mi turned away, face tight as he marked the calendar the eighth day in a row. Henry nodded at him when he motioned that he was going back, and he found Zhou Mi not far inside, leaning against the supply racks, arms folded against his chest.
“What’s wrong?”
Zhou Mi inhaled sharply, shaking his head at Kyuhyun’s question. “Every time I stop and think, I wonder... Did I bring this on you? Is it my fault? None of this started until I came.”
“No! He used you... If it hadn’t been you, it would have been someone else. You’re not allowed to think it’s your fault.” His arms tightened around Zhou Mi’s waist as though he could squeeze the doubt away. “And we have no way to know if it’s really related. So stop.”
“I don’t want to think I made this harder on you.”
“You’re here, don’t you realize... You’re here.”
He kept whispering those words as Zhou Mi’s lips ghosted over the skin beneath his eyes, his cheeks. He had been so focused on his own worry, he hadn’t even been able to see just how much Zhou Mi was affected as well. Worried for Kyuhyun, worried for himself, and their relationship... It was a shock as he tried to kiss Zhou Mi, that he was avoided, mouth meeting the corner of Zhou Mi’s lips instead.
“You said I wouldn’t lose you,” he said, voice tight.
“You aren’t!”
“Then why...”
Zhou Mi kissed him, hard, desperate. “I’m worried. I can’t help it.”
“Then worry with me and not off on your own.”
“It’s enough that I have you,” Zhou Mi told him, and he wanted to say how lame it sounded, but Zhou Mi wasn’t finished. His thumbs slicked down the hair that fell against Kyuhyun’s cheeks, and an expression close to pain darkened his face. He was so close to asking why when in less time than it took to blink, Zhou Mi had dragged him closer, kissing him. Desperate was not the word for it, hard lips pressing, opening Kyuhyun’s mouth to his as if he were punishing himself. All Kyuhyun knew what to do was to give in to it, kissing back gently, waiting for the tension in Zhou Mi’s body to waver, for him to soften and show him that Zhou Mi knew that it was Kyuhyun he was kissing. It was not a frightening kiss, but it did not speak to him of Zhou Mi. If it were Zhou Mi, if the heat of this kiss had all of Zhou Mi’s warmth and desire behind it, all the little sounds he could not seem to help making, he would not be thinking. He would be begging. That Zhou Mi could make him want so much...
Their mouths parted roughly, Zhou Mi pulling back with a forcible shudder. He stared at Kyuhyun’s lips. They throbbed, felt heated, and he knew that he must look thoroughly kissed. But Zhou Mi closed his eyes.
With a sigh, he pressed close, kissing Zhou Mi with care, gently sucking on his lower lip. He felt Zhou Mi sigh, felt some of the tension he had been fighting leave as Zhou Mi leaned into him. This time, they kissed each other, a sweet apology and acceptance.
For a moment it seemed all was normal, Zhou Mi lifting a tentative finger to rest against Kyuhyun’s lips. His stomach tightened, feeling what he had not felt before in the heat of Zhou Mi’s stare.
“Do you... Do you like that?” he asked, steeling himself before looking up.
He could see desire in Zhou Mi’s eyes, and it seared into him, before it was shuttered off, Zhou Mi clutching him, whispering “I love you, I love you, I love you” against Kyuhyun’s neck.
When Zhou Mi pulled back he was smiling, a genuine one that touched his eyes as he bit his lip in a sheepish gesture. “I’m sorry, Kui Xian. I’m being weird.”
“Anything I can do to help?”
“I think being with you is just enough.”
“You’ll make me think you want to start carrying me around in your pocket or something,” he said, and felt a smile curve at Zhou Mi’s laugh.
“Can you stay tonight?” he asked, trying not to let the hope into his voice. Maybe they could expel some of this weirdness before it got out of hand.
“Yes,” Zhou told him, rubbing his nose gently against Kyuhyun’s. “Love you, Kui Xian.”
He promised himself he would pay more attention to Zhou Mi’s worry. It just wasn’t acceptable that he should blame himself. Sunshine couldn’t possibly be allowed to be unhappy for long.
***
He moaned against Zhou Mi’s mouth, reaching for him, his waist, his hips, anything to pull him closer.
“Mi?” He blinked, startled as his mouth was abandoned, the trim hips suddenly out of reach.
There was a frown on Zhou Mi’s face, a frown that he echoed as he watched Zhou Mi’s arm drag across his lips.
“What did you want for dinner?” Zhou Mi asked him, launching himself off of the couch.
“Dinn...What?”
“Did you want take out? Or maybe we could go out and eat tonight. Maybe the place we went our first date? That seemed nice.”
“Did you forget to eat today or something?” What other explanation was there for him leaving a very willing and now very wanting Kyuhyun high and dry?
“No,” Zhou Mi said, sounding confused. “I just thought it’d be nice. Recreating our first date would be nice, wouldn’t it?”
Getting Zhou Mi back onto the couch would be nice, too.
“Okay. We can do that. Do we need reservations?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Okay.”
He had no idea what was up with this mood of Zhou Mi’s, but he’d play along.
“You want me to wear the same thing, too?” he joked.
“That’d be nice,” Zhou Mi said somewhat absently.
By then he felt steady enough to stand, stepping up beside Zhou Mi.
“Hey, is something wrong?”
“No.”
“Would you tell me if there was?”
“Of course, Kui Xian. We promised to tell each other.”
“Then are you mad at me for something?”
“Mad? No! I want to spend time with you!”
“I’m right here.”
“I know,” Zhou Mi said, finally, finally, turning to him and kissing him very chastely. “We just haven’t done anything really special lately. And I want to do that for you. I love you, Kui Xian.”
He was almost certain Zhou Mi kissed him again after saying it to keep from hearing, watching, Kyuhyun fumble for something to say. “I know.” or “I hope you had a good day.” seemed weak in the face of the emotion Zhou Mi poured into this, into him. At least this way, he could show Zhou Mi... He might not return his words, but he never turned away his kiss.
Zhou Mi stole a kiss outside of the apartment door, as though he really was kissing his date goodnight, before letting them both inside. Zhou Mi had insisted he needed to change for bed first, and by the time Kyuhyun had finished, was passed out on the bed. Nothing was wrong, Zhou Mi told him. At dinner everything had been totally normal between them. Zhou Mi had been his normal, slightly flirty self. But anything beyond a hug, anything beyond a kiss... And Zhou Mi started edging away. It was frustrating him that he didn’t know why. He wasn’t stupid or blind, he saw the appreciation in Zhou Mi’s eyes. Against all reason the man found him hot. So why wasn’t he doing something about it?
***