ka-blam
this is something i blogged on myspace, re-posted here for those of you who aren't into that kind of thing:
the million dollar therapist line, that you WILL hear if you're in there long enough and want to actually make changes in your life, is this: they tie in your current problem states/behaviors/etc to the way you grew up in your family of origin. whatever role you played as a kid, the way you saw people at that time interact, men and women's roles, the roles of children, etc and everything... it all, sadly and actually, ties back to your family.
lately in my therapy sessions with my shrink, i've been talking about the way i hate people because of the way they treat other people. i hate when people are selfish, rude, passive-aggressive, etc. and while there is theoretically a time and a place for every behavior, the times i hate it is when it's solely for a person's own self-interest. when one person treats another person badly because it makes them feel better about themselves--- like when you have a bad day so you go home and kick your cat and feel better--- that's the stuff i hate. it makes me explode. i rant and rave, and everybody here knows what that looks like.
so last week, at my shrink's, i was talking about the most recent incidence of this type of nonsense. i mean, i was ranting and raving. i mentioned that i hate feeling bad like this, and i hate caring so much it drives me crazy. i wish i could just stop caring, but it effects me when people are dumb. i mentioned randomly that my mom tells me i have spanish blood, but i like to think of it more as i care so much i get mad on other peoples' behalf when they/won't/don't/can't defend themselves.
my shrink didn't skip a beat and just laid it out:
"isn't that like how you always had to be the protector at home and always had to stand up and shout and make sure things were running smoothly in your family?"
i stared at my shrink. i blinked in silence for a second. my virtual jaw dropped.
"it's really true, isn't it, that it all goes back to the family...?"
she nodded, smiling, "yeah, most of the time it is." i could only take a deep breath and "nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
so there it is. whatever's wrong with you now, you can bet money that it goes back to what you were growing up. there's no right or wrong, per se, it just is that way. i always felt that i had to fight for what was right, and so even now i lose it worst when i think someone's being picked on. that's probably why i'm so into social justice, why i get so mad at work sometimes when i see special kids "getting away with things" as i can often be heard saying. it's why i become the most enraged and have a reputation of just being angry all the time. it's because people are stupid all the time. it's always someone, it's always somewhere.
the sad part is, i just want everyone to be nice. it'll never happen that way though, and that's the worst.
the million dollar therapist line, that you WILL hear if you're in there long enough and want to actually make changes in your life, is this: they tie in your current problem states/behaviors/etc to the way you grew up in your family of origin. whatever role you played as a kid, the way you saw people at that time interact, men and women's roles, the roles of children, etc and everything... it all, sadly and actually, ties back to your family.
lately in my therapy sessions with my shrink, i've been talking about the way i hate people because of the way they treat other people. i hate when people are selfish, rude, passive-aggressive, etc. and while there is theoretically a time and a place for every behavior, the times i hate it is when it's solely for a person's own self-interest. when one person treats another person badly because it makes them feel better about themselves--- like when you have a bad day so you go home and kick your cat and feel better--- that's the stuff i hate. it makes me explode. i rant and rave, and everybody here knows what that looks like.
so last week, at my shrink's, i was talking about the most recent incidence of this type of nonsense. i mean, i was ranting and raving. i mentioned that i hate feeling bad like this, and i hate caring so much it drives me crazy. i wish i could just stop caring, but it effects me when people are dumb. i mentioned randomly that my mom tells me i have spanish blood, but i like to think of it more as i care so much i get mad on other peoples' behalf when they/won't/don't/can't defend themselves.
my shrink didn't skip a beat and just laid it out:
"isn't that like how you always had to be the protector at home and always had to stand up and shout and make sure things were running smoothly in your family?"
i stared at my shrink. i blinked in silence for a second. my virtual jaw dropped.
"it's really true, isn't it, that it all goes back to the family...?"
she nodded, smiling, "yeah, most of the time it is." i could only take a deep breath and "nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
so there it is. whatever's wrong with you now, you can bet money that it goes back to what you were growing up. there's no right or wrong, per se, it just is that way. i always felt that i had to fight for what was right, and so even now i lose it worst when i think someone's being picked on. that's probably why i'm so into social justice, why i get so mad at work sometimes when i see special kids "getting away with things" as i can often be heard saying. it's why i become the most enraged and have a reputation of just being angry all the time. it's because people are stupid all the time. it's always someone, it's always somewhere.
the sad part is, i just want everyone to be nice. it'll never happen that way though, and that's the worst.