Things I have been thinking about lately.
-I think I might base my relationships on movies and television; that is to say that these are the things that envoke emotion to me and inspire me to feel. I constantly replace characterization with self-awareness in order to allow myself to react. That way, I can call a kettle black when I see one. Movies that are sad are the usual suspects in this drama. Then I feel all tingely and think; "I would [blank]. . . . "
-My friends are disappointing me. But to be more specific, what I actually mean when I say that is that my MALE friends are disappointing me. Everyone in our shitty little commnuity in this shitty little town struggle to pull of this hugely politically conscious aura, because we all realize that "the revolution begins at home." Now, thats true, but the bullshit involved here is when it comes to gender politics. My male friends (and I realize that I'm generalizing, so calm down) portray an awareness and consciousness when it comes to striking mainstream gender dynamics out of the sky, but are the first people to transgress that; in the most insignificant ways at times. Theres never any dialogue, theres never any allowances. Everything is always up to the men, and they don't do a fucking thing. And its up the to men a lot of the time to compensate for thier priviledge, because they are the ones that have it, and theres no compensation, if anything, its just a one up they keep on us. These are people that want everyone to think they're different, but they're not. They're the same fucking thing as jocks at P&G's just in different clothes, when it comes down to it, and its disappointing the fuck out of me, goddamnit. And as a woman, who can identify when shes getting the short end, only on the grounds of her gender, this enrages me. Wolves in sheep's clothing, and talking sheep language.
This just further reenforces my agnst and anger towards women who commit girl against girl crime.
We need a real fucking sisterhood here, (in this place) because stupid is as stupid does, and the same thing goes for politics. Don't just sit outside in the rain and complain about getting wet. Open a fucking umbrella or go the fuck inside.
(PS-When its raining, no one wants to move. (Most namedly, me.) But this is real rain I'm talking about now, not figurative social rain.)
-After college, and in many cases during (if you are lucky enough to go to college, or unlucky enough if you'd rather) there will come a time when bullshit ends, and the movement of adavancing into adulthood begins. I realize that this process is at different stages for everyone, and I make room for that. But I see no excuses for treating people like shit. The worst crimes against humanity come when others, who are most definately not children, cater to those that act like they're still in highschool. And then people who's growth is most admittedly reatrded in one way continue their indulgent hateful behavior. Who wants that?
We need to form an action league to put an end to this behavior I think. Teach and be taught.
-I act about ten years older than I am sometimes; and this alienates and isolates me from those I love. I often times feel like a rare and kinda scary bird that flies around New Paltz, that no one knows what to call or how to capture. There are not very many people in my group of friends (in this town, and at my age only I am referring to) that have a similar lifestyle. (And I completely and fullheartedly acknowldege my choice here to be the acting force by which this occurs, but that doesn't negate my frustration!) My choice to step it up (and my choice lies only in what position I take, I have no choice in working full time. I have the priviledge of over $40,000 worth of college loans that are in repayment now that I've been out of college for over a year, so fuck.) is my responsibilty, and I ain't trying to play that its anyones fault but my own, but I still have the feeling time and time again that I'm a stick in the mud. My friends all prance around and do whatever they want, and I can't get over myself for long enough to join them, because all I can think about is how tired I am, and if I decide to join in, how much more tired I will be tomorrow.
Bottom line: Get over yourself Amanda, and maybe you shouldn't live in a college town after graduating college. That will come to no good, move out of your little kid life and if you want to play big girl, than do it all the way and quit farting around.
-I had a horrifying dream a few nights ago that my mother stabbed my in the chest when I tried to hug her. I am smart enough to realize that this dream is not directly referring to my mother and I, and I have been mulling over what signifance it really has and in what context. And it hurt. Thats the creepiest part.
-Working in an office is a strange phenomenon, that no one can really understand until they do it. I had a frustrated and fractured myspace conversation (because, you know, myspace counts) with Deuce about this, the absuridty of reference once you go outside your own 'box' so to speak. What people you would otherwise never meet do and say and think about is so foriegn when you're twenty-something and making your first steps towards "working for the man." Although, a lot has to be said for stereotypes not lining up when the office in reference is an all woman not-for-profit feminist operation. Things are a little different than your run of the mill office, but its still strange when there's children and weddings and someone keeps playing the Celine Dion song from "Titanic." Not in Amanda's precedent.
Right now, even, there is a three month old little boy being carried around the office. He's the new born of one of the staff, and she doesn't have childcare, so he comes in with her a lot. Its strange, but makes me pretty happy that I work somewhere that employees children can nap, because women understand other women.
-Last but not least, I think I really want to see both "Superman" and "The Devil Wears Prada."
-My friends are disappointing me. But to be more specific, what I actually mean when I say that is that my MALE friends are disappointing me. Everyone in our shitty little commnuity in this shitty little town struggle to pull of this hugely politically conscious aura, because we all realize that "the revolution begins at home." Now, thats true, but the bullshit involved here is when it comes to gender politics. My male friends (and I realize that I'm generalizing, so calm down) portray an awareness and consciousness when it comes to striking mainstream gender dynamics out of the sky, but are the first people to transgress that; in the most insignificant ways at times. Theres never any dialogue, theres never any allowances. Everything is always up to the men, and they don't do a fucking thing. And its up the to men a lot of the time to compensate for thier priviledge, because they are the ones that have it, and theres no compensation, if anything, its just a one up they keep on us. These are people that want everyone to think they're different, but they're not. They're the same fucking thing as jocks at P&G's just in different clothes, when it comes down to it, and its disappointing the fuck out of me, goddamnit. And as a woman, who can identify when shes getting the short end, only on the grounds of her gender, this enrages me. Wolves in sheep's clothing, and talking sheep language.
This just further reenforces my agnst and anger towards women who commit girl against girl crime.
We need a real fucking sisterhood here, (in this place) because stupid is as stupid does, and the same thing goes for politics. Don't just sit outside in the rain and complain about getting wet. Open a fucking umbrella or go the fuck inside.
(PS-When its raining, no one wants to move. (Most namedly, me.) But this is real rain I'm talking about now, not figurative social rain.)
-After college, and in many cases during (if you are lucky enough to go to college, or unlucky enough if you'd rather) there will come a time when bullshit ends, and the movement of adavancing into adulthood begins. I realize that this process is at different stages for everyone, and I make room for that. But I see no excuses for treating people like shit. The worst crimes against humanity come when others, who are most definately not children, cater to those that act like they're still in highschool. And then people who's growth is most admittedly reatrded in one way continue their indulgent hateful behavior. Who wants that?
We need to form an action league to put an end to this behavior I think. Teach and be taught.
-I act about ten years older than I am sometimes; and this alienates and isolates me from those I love. I often times feel like a rare and kinda scary bird that flies around New Paltz, that no one knows what to call or how to capture. There are not very many people in my group of friends (in this town, and at my age only I am referring to) that have a similar lifestyle. (And I completely and fullheartedly acknowldege my choice here to be the acting force by which this occurs, but that doesn't negate my frustration!) My choice to step it up (and my choice lies only in what position I take, I have no choice in working full time. I have the priviledge of over $40,000 worth of college loans that are in repayment now that I've been out of college for over a year, so fuck.) is my responsibilty, and I ain't trying to play that its anyones fault but my own, but I still have the feeling time and time again that I'm a stick in the mud. My friends all prance around and do whatever they want, and I can't get over myself for long enough to join them, because all I can think about is how tired I am, and if I decide to join in, how much more tired I will be tomorrow.
Bottom line: Get over yourself Amanda, and maybe you shouldn't live in a college town after graduating college. That will come to no good, move out of your little kid life and if you want to play big girl, than do it all the way and quit farting around.
-I had a horrifying dream a few nights ago that my mother stabbed my in the chest when I tried to hug her. I am smart enough to realize that this dream is not directly referring to my mother and I, and I have been mulling over what signifance it really has and in what context. And it hurt. Thats the creepiest part.
-Working in an office is a strange phenomenon, that no one can really understand until they do it. I had a frustrated and fractured myspace conversation (because, you know, myspace counts) with Deuce about this, the absuridty of reference once you go outside your own 'box' so to speak. What people you would otherwise never meet do and say and think about is so foriegn when you're twenty-something and making your first steps towards "working for the man." Although, a lot has to be said for stereotypes not lining up when the office in reference is an all woman not-for-profit feminist operation. Things are a little different than your run of the mill office, but its still strange when there's children and weddings and someone keeps playing the Celine Dion song from "Titanic." Not in Amanda's precedent.
Right now, even, there is a three month old little boy being carried around the office. He's the new born of one of the staff, and she doesn't have childcare, so he comes in with her a lot. Its strange, but makes me pretty happy that I work somewhere that employees children can nap, because women understand other women.
-Last but not least, I think I really want to see both "Superman" and "The Devil Wears Prada."