Patches Goes Shopping, part 2
“WAIT! We forgot the cat nip,” DarkSydePatches shouted.
“Are you serious?” I asked.
“Bitch, do you see it in the cart?” DarkSydePatches asked.
I looked in the cart briefly. There was no cat nip in the cart.
“Nah. Let’s get out of the check-out,” I said.
We left the check-out line, and the Ying Yang twins were behind us. They started rapping, “Nappin’.” (It’s a parody of Naggin’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnUvUMnMnzA.)
DarkSydePatches and I vibrated as we strutted to the cat nip aisle.
I rapped, “Every now and then, I make you asleep.”
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Sometimes I make you weep,” I rapped.
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Make you want to say pet my ass,” I rapped.
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“I’m tired of looking at you nappin’,” I rapped.
“Mrrow Meow Mrrow Mrrow,” DarkSydePatches rapped before she hissed.
“She’s hissing at me like I’m dumb. I should have known. I should have left this cat at home,” I rapped. “But now I’m stuck with-,”
“Mrrow Meow Mrrow Mrrow,” DarkSydePatches rapped before she purred.
“She’s purring at me like I’m dumb. I should have known. I should have left this cat at home. But I’m now stuck with KNEADING!” I rapped.
DarkSydePatches started kneading on my calves.
“This is for them cat moms who be messing around for those kitties. And your get your heart caught up in a mess,” I rapped.
Patches batted at my legs.
“ ‘Cause you love just to touch that soft fuzz fur. And never paid attention. ‘Cause you didn’t think that cat would start trippin’,” I rapped.
DarkSydePatches tripped while trying to bat my legs.
“Shorty tripped the script,” I rapped.
DarkSydePatches did a flip and tripped again.
“Start meowing stuff that come out of her lips. Let me tell you what I can’t stand. When the cat plays the role of a human. Talkin’ to a human like you got to hold her hand. Treat her like a spare, like she late to understand. I know you know that I don’t approve of your meowing all the time,” I rapped. “Talking to me out of whack. Cat, you be smokin’ crack. You gon’ hiss around and get me some smack. Every now and then, I make you sleep.”
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Sometimes I make you weep,” I rapped.
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Make you want to say pet my ass,” I rapped.
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“I’m tired of looking at you nappin’,” I rapped.
“Mrrow Meow Mrrow Mrrrow," DarkSydePatches rapped before she hissed.
“She’s hissing at me like I’m dumb. I should have known. I should have left this cat at home,” I rapped. “But now I’m stuck with -,”
“Mrrrow Meow Mrrow Mrrow,” DarkSydePatches rapped before she purred.
“She’s purring at me like I’m dumb. I should have known. I should have left this cat at home. But I’m stuck with KNEADING!” I rapped.
Patches kneaded my legs while smelling cat nip.
“I need a lil’ more love and lil’ less lip. Before I rehome you and quit,” I rapped. “At the point of being insane and you made it that way. By the stuff you meow every motherfucking day. I hope you’re paying attention because I have to mention. Hissing at me in front of your pals. Trying to get a nap in, purr happen. Then I want to whoop your ass then. Hide behind your cute little face with your fake lil’ pig. Used to them fake humans. Really ain’t human but you like how they pretend. I’m gonna be sippin’ my Jack and smokin’ cat nip. In my ear loud and clear with your purring words. The way you nap is goofy, make me loopy. All in my ear, got me about to be poopy.”
“MEOW!” DarkSydePatches meowed.
“Every now and then, I make you sleep,” I rapped.
“Mrrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Sometimes I make you weep,” I rapped.
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Make you want to say pet my ass,” I rapped.
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“I’m tired of looking at you nappin’,” I rapped.
“Meow! Now I need cat food,” DarkSydePatches rapped.
“What do you mean by that, Patches?!” I asked.
“I should have known, that I need cat food,” DarkSydePatches rapped.
“At now I’m stuck with buying cat food. Why can’t fish be cat food? I should have known, SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, that fish is not cat food. But now I’m stuck with NAGGIN’,” I rapped.
“One day I got shot by hunger. In the midst of this, grocery store’s got anger. We went from shopping for tacos too long to we rapping bout cat nip and cat food. You always call, tellin’ me about muh cheese whiz. But I find out later on you out with DarkSydePhineas. Then you aren’t paying those electric bills. Say you purr and hiss you ain’t no shit! That’s a shame shopping ended like this. Now I ain’t got cheddar for ya, bitch. Shoo bitch don’t bother mer. Will we buy food for us? Probably,” DarkSydePatches rapped.
“Then we thought about it! We won’t! Do we really want to? We don’t! The struggle we really don’t want. So we gonna leave it alone, ‘cause we can do good on our own, that’s why we gone!” I rapped. “Every now and then, I make you sleep.”
“Mrrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Sometimes I make you weep,” I rapped.
“Mrrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Make you want to say pet my ass,” I rapped.
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“I’m tired of listening to you naggin’!” I shouted.
“Meow! Meow! Meow!?” DarkSydePatches asked while doing the rap dance. Then she hissed.
“She’s hissing at me like I’m dumb. I should have known. I should have left this cat at home. But I’m stuck with-,” I rapped.
“Meow! Meow! Meow!” DarkSydePatches rapped before purring.
“She’s purring at me like I’m dumb. I should have known. I should have left this cat at home. But now I’m stuck with NAGGIN!” I shouted.
“Now this is not a song disrespecting kitties. This is a song that Patches Two Power made for humans that ever God’s Green Earth. We don’t do’s don’t amount to we doodoos, but y’all’s attitude STANK sometimes. So sit on that MEOW! NAGGIN’,” DarkSydePatches said as we ended back in the check-out line with taco mac supplies, cat nip, and 100 cans of Fancy Feast.
“Are you serious?” I asked.
“Bitch, do you see it in the cart?” DarkSydePatches asked.
I looked in the cart briefly. There was no cat nip in the cart.
“Nah. Let’s get out of the check-out,” I said.
We left the check-out line, and the Ying Yang twins were behind us. They started rapping, “Nappin’.” (It’s a parody of Naggin’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnUvUMnMnzA.)
DarkSydePatches and I vibrated as we strutted to the cat nip aisle.
I rapped, “Every now and then, I make you asleep.”
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Sometimes I make you weep,” I rapped.
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Make you want to say pet my ass,” I rapped.
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“I’m tired of looking at you nappin’,” I rapped.
“Mrrow Meow Mrrow Mrrow,” DarkSydePatches rapped before she hissed.
“She’s hissing at me like I’m dumb. I should have known. I should have left this cat at home,” I rapped. “But now I’m stuck with-,”
“Mrrow Meow Mrrow Mrrow,” DarkSydePatches rapped before she purred.
“She’s purring at me like I’m dumb. I should have known. I should have left this cat at home. But I’m now stuck with KNEADING!” I rapped.
DarkSydePatches started kneading on my calves.
“This is for them cat moms who be messing around for those kitties. And your get your heart caught up in a mess,” I rapped.
Patches batted at my legs.
“ ‘Cause you love just to touch that soft fuzz fur. And never paid attention. ‘Cause you didn’t think that cat would start trippin’,” I rapped.
DarkSydePatches tripped while trying to bat my legs.
“Shorty tripped the script,” I rapped.
DarkSydePatches did a flip and tripped again.
“Start meowing stuff that come out of her lips. Let me tell you what I can’t stand. When the cat plays the role of a human. Talkin’ to a human like you got to hold her hand. Treat her like a spare, like she late to understand. I know you know that I don’t approve of your meowing all the time,” I rapped. “Talking to me out of whack. Cat, you be smokin’ crack. You gon’ hiss around and get me some smack. Every now and then, I make you sleep.”
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Sometimes I make you weep,” I rapped.
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Make you want to say pet my ass,” I rapped.
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“I’m tired of looking at you nappin’,” I rapped.
“Mrrow Meow Mrrow Mrrrow," DarkSydePatches rapped before she hissed.
“She’s hissing at me like I’m dumb. I should have known. I should have left this cat at home,” I rapped. “But now I’m stuck with -,”
“Mrrrow Meow Mrrow Mrrow,” DarkSydePatches rapped before she purred.
“She’s purring at me like I’m dumb. I should have known. I should have left this cat at home. But I’m stuck with KNEADING!” I rapped.
Patches kneaded my legs while smelling cat nip.
“I need a lil’ more love and lil’ less lip. Before I rehome you and quit,” I rapped. “At the point of being insane and you made it that way. By the stuff you meow every motherfucking day. I hope you’re paying attention because I have to mention. Hissing at me in front of your pals. Trying to get a nap in, purr happen. Then I want to whoop your ass then. Hide behind your cute little face with your fake lil’ pig. Used to them fake humans. Really ain’t human but you like how they pretend. I’m gonna be sippin’ my Jack and smokin’ cat nip. In my ear loud and clear with your purring words. The way you nap is goofy, make me loopy. All in my ear, got me about to be poopy.”
“MEOW!” DarkSydePatches meowed.
“Every now and then, I make you sleep,” I rapped.
“Mrrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Sometimes I make you weep,” I rapped.
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Make you want to say pet my ass,” I rapped.
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“I’m tired of looking at you nappin’,” I rapped.
“Meow! Now I need cat food,” DarkSydePatches rapped.
“What do you mean by that, Patches?!” I asked.
“I should have known, that I need cat food,” DarkSydePatches rapped.
“At now I’m stuck with buying cat food. Why can’t fish be cat food? I should have known, SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, that fish is not cat food. But now I’m stuck with NAGGIN’,” I rapped.
“One day I got shot by hunger. In the midst of this, grocery store’s got anger. We went from shopping for tacos too long to we rapping bout cat nip and cat food. You always call, tellin’ me about muh cheese whiz. But I find out later on you out with DarkSydePhineas. Then you aren’t paying those electric bills. Say you purr and hiss you ain’t no shit! That’s a shame shopping ended like this. Now I ain’t got cheddar for ya, bitch. Shoo bitch don’t bother mer. Will we buy food for us? Probably,” DarkSydePatches rapped.
“Then we thought about it! We won’t! Do we really want to? We don’t! The struggle we really don’t want. So we gonna leave it alone, ‘cause we can do good on our own, that’s why we gone!” I rapped. “Every now and then, I make you sleep.”
“Mrrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Sometimes I make you weep,” I rapped.
“Mrrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“Make you want to say pet my ass,” I rapped.
“Mrrow?” DarkSydePatches asked.
“I’m tired of listening to you naggin’!” I shouted.
“Meow! Meow! Meow!?” DarkSydePatches asked while doing the rap dance. Then she hissed.
“She’s hissing at me like I’m dumb. I should have known. I should have left this cat at home. But I’m stuck with-,” I rapped.
“Meow! Meow! Meow!” DarkSydePatches rapped before purring.
“She’s purring at me like I’m dumb. I should have known. I should have left this cat at home. But now I’m stuck with NAGGIN!” I shouted.
“Now this is not a song disrespecting kitties. This is a song that Patches Two Power made for humans that ever God’s Green Earth. We don’t do’s don’t amount to we doodoos, but y’all’s attitude STANK sometimes. So sit on that MEOW! NAGGIN’,” DarkSydePatches said as we ended back in the check-out line with taco mac supplies, cat nip, and 100 cans of Fancy Feast.