(no subject)
strangely enough i find him still haunting my dreams. i got a few emails that were about stupid shit,updating info and it caused me to have night mares. he'll be back for a little while and its causing me to feel tence i dont even live at my moms house but it still makes me sick to my stomach. apparently i still have alot of repressed feelings that i need to deal with. it makes me feel like a little scared child again. its not something i like at all. i just want to cure up into a little whole and die just from it. and my moms going to make me go over as well. so i will make my bf come with me. i need to feel safe. somehow. if i take these issues upwith him i am afraid its going to affect him in a bad way. and i couldnt handle ruening someone elses life because he ruened mine. that doesnt seem right at all. and why about my sister ? how is this going to affect her? she wont stay at the house but still. its not going to be good for her. i wish i could erace this from me but by doing so i erace apart of me and my childhood i keep loosing more and more memories and information as the years go on. so i either become dumber or i just have more insomnia and sleeping issues....So...theres an idea....i guess....