anchor in life
I guess an update is in order after months of letting this space gather cobwebs. So far life's been ok, I went for a bunch of gigs which were part of the mosaic festival over the past 2 weeks (Russian Red, Makoto Ozone and No Name Horses, and Blind Pilot) and they all served as great motivating factors to what was a very stressful period at work.
Well, working has given me a lot more liberty in terms of being able to do what I want to do. I have more spending power, can decide my day's activities/ can plan for myself in what order I want to complete my tasks at work, can give feedback at work that people take seriously (most of the time) etc. In that sense, going into the working phase in life has allowed me to be more in control of life in general. Sometimes, I feel like I have become more confident overall too because what I say actually has some weight (accompanied with a ton of responsibility) now.
But at the same time, I am fearful. Fearful that I am become more and more deluded because of this liberty. I do not know what people think of me, whether I have changed for the better; if I have even changed at all. This fear may have come about because I am so accustomed to the idea that as long as I do what people want me to do, I am in good stead. When I have the chance to choose my path, I get scared because I do not trust myself to make the right decision.
Perhaps this just shows how much I am not letting God take full control of my life, if I was walking according to his purposes wouldn't I feel a sense of peace in the midst of whatever I'm doing? At work I constantly have to remind myself that everything I do shouldn't be for my own self-preservation and glory but to bring honour to God. I think that's the lesson that I am learning during this season of life where I find myself really tossed about by the wind and the waves.
Well, working has given me a lot more liberty in terms of being able to do what I want to do. I have more spending power, can decide my day's activities/ can plan for myself in what order I want to complete my tasks at work, can give feedback at work that people take seriously (most of the time) etc. In that sense, going into the working phase in life has allowed me to be more in control of life in general. Sometimes, I feel like I have become more confident overall too because what I say actually has some weight (accompanied with a ton of responsibility) now.
But at the same time, I am fearful. Fearful that I am become more and more deluded because of this liberty. I do not know what people think of me, whether I have changed for the better; if I have even changed at all. This fear may have come about because I am so accustomed to the idea that as long as I do what people want me to do, I am in good stead. When I have the chance to choose my path, I get scared because I do not trust myself to make the right decision.
Perhaps this just shows how much I am not letting God take full control of my life, if I was walking according to his purposes wouldn't I feel a sense of peace in the midst of whatever I'm doing? At work I constantly have to remind myself that everything I do shouldn't be for my own self-preservation and glory but to bring honour to God. I think that's the lesson that I am learning during this season of life where I find myself really tossed about by the wind and the waves.