(no subject)
well. where do i start.
i feel like even though i take in the things that are around me i am not learning enough everyday to make this life worth the days ive spent on the earths ground.
everyday i am getting older and yet i feel stupider than the day before.
Literally. I feel really backed up.
what am i doing so wrong. or am i doing anything wrong or have I always been like this?
oh man. I am not sure.
i have never really like to read- except two years in highschool where i went book crazy- but i cant even rememeber two of the at least fifty books i rented and read in those two years. so really0 what was i taking in? i think i was just escaping.
escaping,
escaping,
escaping.
i tend to do that a lot.
but what am i escaping from?
my mind.
i am escaping from my OWN thoughts.
and that, is the sad part.
sad, and scary.
scary because i feel like i could be so much more today. yesterday. everyday.
if i just didn't escape so much.
but that is who i am. and that is what i do.
and it could be worse- i could be seducing torturing killing anguishing corrupting manipulating etc.
and maybe, in some ways i am doing those things also.
though they are the very core of what i strive NOT to do.
oh man.
i dont know.
i feel like i never know.
i have a huge heart.
and i try my hardest everyday to use it in the right way
and iguess that is what i have always done.
i just hope that is enough to make my life worth something.
in the end.
that is all i do know.
i feel like even though i take in the things that are around me i am not learning enough everyday to make this life worth the days ive spent on the earths ground.
everyday i am getting older and yet i feel stupider than the day before.
Literally. I feel really backed up.
what am i doing so wrong. or am i doing anything wrong or have I always been like this?
oh man. I am not sure.
i have never really like to read- except two years in highschool where i went book crazy- but i cant even rememeber two of the at least fifty books i rented and read in those two years. so really0 what was i taking in? i think i was just escaping.
escaping,
escaping,
escaping.
i tend to do that a lot.
but what am i escaping from?
my mind.
i am escaping from my OWN thoughts.
and that, is the sad part.
sad, and scary.
scary because i feel like i could be so much more today. yesterday. everyday.
if i just didn't escape so much.
but that is who i am. and that is what i do.
and it could be worse- i could be seducing torturing killing anguishing corrupting manipulating etc.
and maybe, in some ways i am doing those things also.
though they are the very core of what i strive NOT to do.
oh man.
i dont know.
i feel like i never know.
i have a huge heart.
and i try my hardest everyday to use it in the right way
and iguess that is what i have always done.
i just hope that is enough to make my life worth something.
in the end.
that is all i do know.