Katekyou Hitman Reborn! » La Pétite Mort
Title La Pétite Mort
Chapter Five
Character/Pairing Hayato Gokudera/Haru Miura, Takeshi Yamamoto
Warning Brief violence.
Wordcount 1,914 words
As he was led down the corridor, Gokudera had an inkling as to why he was being led away in the first place; he was not quite that naive. He longed more than a little to take his cigarettes with him - even just a couple - but decided against it lest he end up wanting to put one out in someone's eye.
Just as they were turning to head towards the business end of the base (once affectionately and now simply referred to as the "Dohyou* Wing"), their paths intersected with Haru's. Gokudera ignored her, eyes fixed on the Rain Guardian's back, and willed the foolish woman not to follow. The last thing he needed was to be chewed out by both of them (again) for the same thing (again). Upon reaching the door to the office, he heard no extra set of footsteps and was glad of it.
Gokudera stood before the lonely desk but did not sit. He was not about to make this feel like a lecture. "So you've got us alone, now. The only person we'll be bothering is Giannini-san. Possibly my crazy sister, but who the hell even knows where she is lately."
"I know you're still dealing with Tsuna's death."
Gokudera set his jaw, his mouth frowning, and stared at the Rain Guardian. "Should I be over it already?"
"You shouldn't still be dwelling as much as you are."
"Who the hell are you to tell me when I should be finished grieving?"
"No, no. That isn't what I'm saying. But it gets to a point where you have to move on, even just a little. You can't keep isolating yourself. There are so many things we have to put into action ourselves now that he's gone, and we need you to-"
"So it all falls on me? He knew from day one that I wasn't cut out for this job. I told him that myself."
"And yet you took on that responsibility when he appointed you."
Gokudera said nothing, but already his teeth hurt from how tightly he kept them clenched.
"You seem to have my damn job pretty well taken care of, since I don't even know what the hell is going on anymore."
"That's why I'm talking to you, now. I want to catch you back up to speed."
Gokudera's hands felt for the desk behind him and leaned back warily. His eyes dropped to the floor, observed the way the dark leather of his shoes contrasted with the light neutral tone of the carpeting. He didn't want or need to be hearing any of this right now; he knew all of this. He knew all about his inherent cowardice and each one of his shortcomings. They were all things he'd confronted in himself so many years ago - running away from his father - and he was not likely to ever forget the way they lingered just under the surface. Even in all the time he'd known the Tenth, he'd never conquered them, for either of their sakes.
"You aren't even listening to me, are you?" There was an edge of frustration that showed in the Rain Guardian's tone; it sounded alien and Gokudera knew better than to provoke him, but did anyway.
"Say something interesting and I might."
The Rain Guardian suddenly stepped toward him, loomed over him; even without slouching against the desk Gokudera was dwarfed by him. "This is exactly the kind of thing I am talking about. When the hell are you going to grow up and assume some responsibility? You wanted this. You've gotten it."
Gokudera straightened up, their chests nearly touching. Then, in an act that would have stunned anyone, Gokudera stepped around him without another word and began to very calmly walk away. The Rain Guardian, for once, was the one who would have none of it, and grabbed for his arm to stop him. That was when Gokudera finally lost the control he had been trying so desperately to hold onto for the entirety of the conversation.
As he turned around, he built up enough momentum for the force of his fist connecting with the Rain Guardian's jaw to knock him back far enough for his grip to loosen. He caught himself on the side of the desk, fingers gingerly touching the point of contact for signs of blood and finding quite an impressive gash, no doubt due to at least one of the rings Gokudera wore. The punch seemed to have said all that was left to be said, and the Rain Guardian allowed Gokudera to leave.
All of the lectures lately had been grating on him, and while he might later come to regret his action, for now he remained angry. Not the raucous, shouting anger he'd always been known for, but the sulking, broody anger that had become his new trademark. He wore that mask now as he rushed back down the hallway.
He scarcely noticed Haru as she approached him and not nearly in time to avoid her. He swore inwardly as she jumped aside, but did not turn back to her, even as she called after him. She was the absolute last person he wanted to see right now, especially after that kind of a confrontation. He knew she would follow him anyway, so he slammed his bedroom door, hoping she would take the fucking hint for once.
She did not, and only moments later was pounding on his door, screaming.
Gokudera groaned and reached for his cigarettes. He contemplated smoking two at once, but considered it wasn't worth the risk of passing out and setting anything on fire, so he decided to just smoke them quickly.
Ignoring her seemed to work, as she stopped her barrage, but the fix was only temporary. She soon continued her shouting, and it was only the mention of his sister that got him to stand. He knew she was bluffing - Bianchi had been scarce since Reborn's death - but figured he'd at least shut her up before she made herself hoarse.
When he opened the door, she was already walking away, so he spoke up more than he wanted to so she would hear. "Go take care of the brats. This isn't any of your business."
The face she wore when she turned to him then could have rivaled any of his own. "Hayato Gokudera there is absolutely no excuse you could possibly make for your behavior lately, especially these past few weeks. You are mistreating everyone around you for no reason. You tried to kill poor Lambo and still have not said a word to him in apology or at all about the incident. He's afraid to-"
"Afraid to leave his bedroom alone that's why blah blah blah I've heard this already. I know, all right? I know. There's nothing I can do about it." He turned from her, for some reason a little embarrassed by the way she looked at him. But when he made to close his door, Haru slammed her hand against the doorframe and it startled him enough to get him to look at her again. She was staring at him hard, looking through him more than at him. He felt his fingers falter a little behind the door, nearly dropping his cigarette.
"There is a lot you can do about it and you will. It is everyone's responsibility to take care of them. Kyouko-chan's, Yamamoto-san's, mine, yours."
He watched her, not unkindly, as and after she spoke. He had a headache, but didn't think it was from all this shouting. It surprised him a little to see her suddenly begin to step back, but he was relieved. Quietly, he said, "My only responsibility, Haru Miura, is myself. Now let me enjoy my fucking cigarette."
Gokudera gently shut the door and turned his back on it. Approaching his bed again, he took a drag off his cigarette almost deep enough to finish off the remaining half of it. Eyes closed, his legs lowered him onto the mattress and it groaned beneath his weight in place of his voice. He exhaled slowly, his lungs, throat, his entire chest burning from the smoke.
Then Haru tripped through the door and his eyes opened, found her frightened face in the dark, and widened in matching fear when she began to cry.
The rest of the smoke rushed out of him along with the rest of his breath as he hesitated on what he should do. Haru crumpled onto the floor, hands falling uselessly in her lap, and sobbed. Once Gokudera remembered how to breathe, he stabbed the butt of his cigarette into his ashtray (though it was very nearly his table), and went to her to at least pull her up onto the bed.
Her arms flew around him the moment he tried to lift her, and they did not let go even after he'd mostly carried her to the bed and they were sitting. Unsure of what else to do, he held onto her, lightly, and suppressed his frustration at not being able to light another cigarette. She buried her face into his chest, seemingly when she realized his arms weren't leaving, and held onto him even tighter. Good riddance on the cigarette, he supposed, as it was difficult to smoke when you couldn't breathe.
It seemed to take a very long time for her to calm herself, even with him holding her. The discomfort slowly made way to fatigue throughout the fit, so by the time she pulled herself away he didn't think he had anything left in him to listen to her yap.
"I'm sorry, Hayato," she said softly, using that same tone she'd used with him after the incident with the children. It stung a little now, like it hadn't then. He blamed it on the name, which he would explain to her later was not meant for her lips.
He pulled his hands into his lap, threading his fingers to cement them together before she tried anything else. "What are you sorry for?"
Haru didn't answer; she simply hiccupped and watched him, eyes red and cheeks tearstained. She wrung her hands though it was obvious she was trying not to, and looked nearly ready to start crying all over again if he really wanted her to answer. To prevent himself from tears simply from looking at her like this more than to prevent her from starting again, Gokudera unlocked his hands and set them over hers. "Stop. Whatever it is, just stop. Okay? It's not worth it."
That seemed to be the entirely wrong thing to say, as the tears immediately glazed over her eyes again and she hitched in a nice, long breath. Gokudera panicked a little, pulled his hands away from hers, and used them instead to sandwich her face. "I said fucking stop."
He didn't care what it was that worked - whether it was his hands on her face, the words from his mouth, or anything else - he simply cared that it worked.
"Don't you ever fucking do that to me again."
Haru nodded, barely, her eyes trained on him, but he ignored that.
"Go take care of the b- kids."
She nodded again, but didn't move right away. It wasn't until he thought to remove his hands that she stood. Then she bowed deeply, hands clasped in front of her, and hurried out of the room, leaving the door wide open and Gokudera to stare after her.
Continue: The Full Story | Gokudera's Side
*dohyou (土俵): The arena used in a sumo match; however, I am making a bit of a pun here, as the word can also be used in the sense of a forum for discussion. This way, the girls and the children are never the wiser, kufufu~.
Chapter Five
Character/Pairing Hayato Gokudera/Haru Miura, Takeshi Yamamoto
Warning Brief violence.
Wordcount 1,914 words
As he was led down the corridor, Gokudera had an inkling as to why he was being led away in the first place; he was not quite that naive. He longed more than a little to take his cigarettes with him - even just a couple - but decided against it lest he end up wanting to put one out in someone's eye.
Just as they were turning to head towards the business end of the base (once affectionately and now simply referred to as the "Dohyou* Wing"), their paths intersected with Haru's. Gokudera ignored her, eyes fixed on the Rain Guardian's back, and willed the foolish woman not to follow. The last thing he needed was to be chewed out by both of them (again) for the same thing (again). Upon reaching the door to the office, he heard no extra set of footsteps and was glad of it.
Gokudera stood before the lonely desk but did not sit. He was not about to make this feel like a lecture. "So you've got us alone, now. The only person we'll be bothering is Giannini-san. Possibly my crazy sister, but who the hell even knows where she is lately."
"I know you're still dealing with Tsuna's death."
Gokudera set his jaw, his mouth frowning, and stared at the Rain Guardian. "Should I be over it already?"
"You shouldn't still be dwelling as much as you are."
"Who the hell are you to tell me when I should be finished grieving?"
"No, no. That isn't what I'm saying. But it gets to a point where you have to move on, even just a little. You can't keep isolating yourself. There are so many things we have to put into action ourselves now that he's gone, and we need you to-"
"So it all falls on me? He knew from day one that I wasn't cut out for this job. I told him that myself."
"And yet you took on that responsibility when he appointed you."
Gokudera said nothing, but already his teeth hurt from how tightly he kept them clenched.
"You seem to have my damn job pretty well taken care of, since I don't even know what the hell is going on anymore."
"That's why I'm talking to you, now. I want to catch you back up to speed."
Gokudera's hands felt for the desk behind him and leaned back warily. His eyes dropped to the floor, observed the way the dark leather of his shoes contrasted with the light neutral tone of the carpeting. He didn't want or need to be hearing any of this right now; he knew all of this. He knew all about his inherent cowardice and each one of his shortcomings. They were all things he'd confronted in himself so many years ago - running away from his father - and he was not likely to ever forget the way they lingered just under the surface. Even in all the time he'd known the Tenth, he'd never conquered them, for either of their sakes.
"You aren't even listening to me, are you?" There was an edge of frustration that showed in the Rain Guardian's tone; it sounded alien and Gokudera knew better than to provoke him, but did anyway.
"Say something interesting and I might."
The Rain Guardian suddenly stepped toward him, loomed over him; even without slouching against the desk Gokudera was dwarfed by him. "This is exactly the kind of thing I am talking about. When the hell are you going to grow up and assume some responsibility? You wanted this. You've gotten it."
Gokudera straightened up, their chests nearly touching. Then, in an act that would have stunned anyone, Gokudera stepped around him without another word and began to very calmly walk away. The Rain Guardian, for once, was the one who would have none of it, and grabbed for his arm to stop him. That was when Gokudera finally lost the control he had been trying so desperately to hold onto for the entirety of the conversation.
As he turned around, he built up enough momentum for the force of his fist connecting with the Rain Guardian's jaw to knock him back far enough for his grip to loosen. He caught himself on the side of the desk, fingers gingerly touching the point of contact for signs of blood and finding quite an impressive gash, no doubt due to at least one of the rings Gokudera wore. The punch seemed to have said all that was left to be said, and the Rain Guardian allowed Gokudera to leave.
All of the lectures lately had been grating on him, and while he might later come to regret his action, for now he remained angry. Not the raucous, shouting anger he'd always been known for, but the sulking, broody anger that had become his new trademark. He wore that mask now as he rushed back down the hallway.
He scarcely noticed Haru as she approached him and not nearly in time to avoid her. He swore inwardly as she jumped aside, but did not turn back to her, even as she called after him. She was the absolute last person he wanted to see right now, especially after that kind of a confrontation. He knew she would follow him anyway, so he slammed his bedroom door, hoping she would take the fucking hint for once.
She did not, and only moments later was pounding on his door, screaming.
Gokudera groaned and reached for his cigarettes. He contemplated smoking two at once, but considered it wasn't worth the risk of passing out and setting anything on fire, so he decided to just smoke them quickly.
Ignoring her seemed to work, as she stopped her barrage, but the fix was only temporary. She soon continued her shouting, and it was only the mention of his sister that got him to stand. He knew she was bluffing - Bianchi had been scarce since Reborn's death - but figured he'd at least shut her up before she made herself hoarse.
When he opened the door, she was already walking away, so he spoke up more than he wanted to so she would hear. "Go take care of the brats. This isn't any of your business."
The face she wore when she turned to him then could have rivaled any of his own. "Hayato Gokudera there is absolutely no excuse you could possibly make for your behavior lately, especially these past few weeks. You are mistreating everyone around you for no reason. You tried to kill poor Lambo and still have not said a word to him in apology or at all about the incident. He's afraid to-"
"Afraid to leave his bedroom alone that's why blah blah blah I've heard this already. I know, all right? I know. There's nothing I can do about it." He turned from her, for some reason a little embarrassed by the way she looked at him. But when he made to close his door, Haru slammed her hand against the doorframe and it startled him enough to get him to look at her again. She was staring at him hard, looking through him more than at him. He felt his fingers falter a little behind the door, nearly dropping his cigarette.
"There is a lot you can do about it and you will. It is everyone's responsibility to take care of them. Kyouko-chan's, Yamamoto-san's, mine, yours."
He watched her, not unkindly, as and after she spoke. He had a headache, but didn't think it was from all this shouting. It surprised him a little to see her suddenly begin to step back, but he was relieved. Quietly, he said, "My only responsibility, Haru Miura, is myself. Now let me enjoy my fucking cigarette."
Gokudera gently shut the door and turned his back on it. Approaching his bed again, he took a drag off his cigarette almost deep enough to finish off the remaining half of it. Eyes closed, his legs lowered him onto the mattress and it groaned beneath his weight in place of his voice. He exhaled slowly, his lungs, throat, his entire chest burning from the smoke.
Then Haru tripped through the door and his eyes opened, found her frightened face in the dark, and widened in matching fear when she began to cry.
The rest of the smoke rushed out of him along with the rest of his breath as he hesitated on what he should do. Haru crumpled onto the floor, hands falling uselessly in her lap, and sobbed. Once Gokudera remembered how to breathe, he stabbed the butt of his cigarette into his ashtray (though it was very nearly his table), and went to her to at least pull her up onto the bed.
Her arms flew around him the moment he tried to lift her, and they did not let go even after he'd mostly carried her to the bed and they were sitting. Unsure of what else to do, he held onto her, lightly, and suppressed his frustration at not being able to light another cigarette. She buried her face into his chest, seemingly when she realized his arms weren't leaving, and held onto him even tighter. Good riddance on the cigarette, he supposed, as it was difficult to smoke when you couldn't breathe.
It seemed to take a very long time for her to calm herself, even with him holding her. The discomfort slowly made way to fatigue throughout the fit, so by the time she pulled herself away he didn't think he had anything left in him to listen to her yap.
"I'm sorry, Hayato," she said softly, using that same tone she'd used with him after the incident with the children. It stung a little now, like it hadn't then. He blamed it on the name, which he would explain to her later was not meant for her lips.
He pulled his hands into his lap, threading his fingers to cement them together before she tried anything else. "What are you sorry for?"
Haru didn't answer; she simply hiccupped and watched him, eyes red and cheeks tearstained. She wrung her hands though it was obvious she was trying not to, and looked nearly ready to start crying all over again if he really wanted her to answer. To prevent himself from tears simply from looking at her like this more than to prevent her from starting again, Gokudera unlocked his hands and set them over hers. "Stop. Whatever it is, just stop. Okay? It's not worth it."
That seemed to be the entirely wrong thing to say, as the tears immediately glazed over her eyes again and she hitched in a nice, long breath. Gokudera panicked a little, pulled his hands away from hers, and used them instead to sandwich her face. "I said fucking stop."
He didn't care what it was that worked - whether it was his hands on her face, the words from his mouth, or anything else - he simply cared that it worked.
"Don't you ever fucking do that to me again."
Haru nodded, barely, her eyes trained on him, but he ignored that.
"Go take care of the b- kids."
She nodded again, but didn't move right away. It wasn't until he thought to remove his hands that she stood. Then she bowed deeply, hands clasped in front of her, and hurried out of the room, leaving the door wide open and Gokudera to stare after her.
Continue: The Full Story | Gokudera's Side
*dohyou (土俵): The arena used in a sumo match; however, I am making a bit of a pun here, as the word can also be used in the sense of a forum for discussion. This way, the girls and the children are never the wiser, kufufu~.