Overtime in the Lab
I've just finally managed to get myself the ideal work time I wanted since day one of my research, aka overnight, when the rest of the university is safely at home and asleep. Call me weird, but there is something devilishly appealing about staying back in the middle of the night, and working your experiments through the night. I prefer it that way, and certainly, it's something I prefer since you don't get stupid brats in the way. If only it was this way since day one, I'm certain that I could my research running smoothly, since I really cannot get myself to work in the middle of the day. I'm doing 3 months work in 2-3 days just by staying in like this. :/ Well, things have not being running smoothly still, but certainly I've been doing as much as I can, since I'm more than happy to be here. :)
On the other hand, the silence from the band has finally culminated into an angry rumble, which basically I believe is heading toward an ultimatum which I have been dreading. Life there has never been more unappealing, since Chiara, Angyl and the rest are getting more and more unreasonable in their demands for my time.
Firstly, remember that I stay an hours drive away from their practice venue; Secondly, remember I'm working overtime and bending my back over to get my research working; Thirdly, remember I'm so bogged down with work I'm pretty much in a sad state; Fourth, remember I'm not really getting allowances anymore and I'm working to pay for myself; Fifth, remember that excess petrol allowances are out of my own pocket.
Now add that up and compare with what they want me to do, join them for the concert, aka make a promise and make my life so busy that I don't know whether I could manage it in lieu of my research. Followed by the practice periods like everyday in a week for a stretch of one month, and multiply it by the amount of cash it takes to pay for petrol each trip up, and multiply it with the amount of stress, as well as energy expenditure I'm getting thanks to them.
Does it tally? Certainly not. I can see myself in a tough position where I have no life whatsoever. So why then would I want to put myself through some shit like that?
The only reason right now is that I'm indebt to the band for pulling me through at the early stages. But that has since long gone to dust. The band isn't what it used to be. In fact, it is now a dictatorship. The only other reason is my fear of sour grapes since the band is up and coming. Not that I am dreaming of being famous, heck, I'm getting enough recognition from my work and research alone. But it's the music, and being happy for the music being recognised that I'm so concerned about. Why something so frivolous? Because I know, I might never get a chance to create music again, should I leave. :/ I know I surely shall die. But yet again, have I been creating music since? I don't think so. sigh.
I have no idea anymore. I don't know what to do with them. certainly I'm indebted. But is it worth it to sell my future to pay off this debt? I think not. Then why am I so downcast over this? Maybe because I have yet to see my real work paying off. Sigh.
Life is hard.
On the other hand, the silence from the band has finally culminated into an angry rumble, which basically I believe is heading toward an ultimatum which I have been dreading. Life there has never been more unappealing, since Chiara, Angyl and the rest are getting more and more unreasonable in their demands for my time.
Firstly, remember that I stay an hours drive away from their practice venue; Secondly, remember I'm working overtime and bending my back over to get my research working; Thirdly, remember I'm so bogged down with work I'm pretty much in a sad state; Fourth, remember I'm not really getting allowances anymore and I'm working to pay for myself; Fifth, remember that excess petrol allowances are out of my own pocket.
Now add that up and compare with what they want me to do, join them for the concert, aka make a promise and make my life so busy that I don't know whether I could manage it in lieu of my research. Followed by the practice periods like everyday in a week for a stretch of one month, and multiply it by the amount of cash it takes to pay for petrol each trip up, and multiply it with the amount of stress, as well as energy expenditure I'm getting thanks to them.
Does it tally? Certainly not. I can see myself in a tough position where I have no life whatsoever. So why then would I want to put myself through some shit like that?
The only reason right now is that I'm indebt to the band for pulling me through at the early stages. But that has since long gone to dust. The band isn't what it used to be. In fact, it is now a dictatorship. The only other reason is my fear of sour grapes since the band is up and coming. Not that I am dreaming of being famous, heck, I'm getting enough recognition from my work and research alone. But it's the music, and being happy for the music being recognised that I'm so concerned about. Why something so frivolous? Because I know, I might never get a chance to create music again, should I leave. :/ I know I surely shall die. But yet again, have I been creating music since? I don't think so. sigh.
I have no idea anymore. I don't know what to do with them. certainly I'm indebted. But is it worth it to sell my future to pay off this debt? I think not. Then why am I so downcast over this? Maybe because I have yet to see my real work paying off. Sigh.
Life is hard.