So this is.... the new year again?
Technically it's not the new year for another day... 21 hours and 41 minutes.... 40 minutes.....
Time ticks, the clock goes round and round and I don't feel...... anything at all about the impending celebrations.
I look back on the past year and I scoff. At myself mostly, also at the friends I've gained and lost this year. I've done a lot to piss people off and I've also done a lot to make myself happy.
So that's what it boils down to. Me.... stuck in yet another perpetual and figurative downward spiral. When you think you've hit rock bottom... heh there's allways further down to go.
Life seems to pick up a drill and go lower when you least expect it.
So what do I plan for the New year? Absolutely nothing...
Because that's not the kind of person I am. Logical thought? Planned action? Bah fuck it all, throw caution to the wind and live life by the seat of my pants....
At least that's how I'm trying to live it.... and it's not working too well.
Still no girlfriend.... memories of past occurances keep plagueing me....
I wish I could have untroubled sleep again.... it was beautiful not to be stressed by my family, or by anyone for that matter.
I'd like to say I don't care about anything at all, but that's just a downright lie.
I care about a lot of things. I care about where I'm going to be living, I care about where my life is going. I care about weither or not I'm leading girls on, or making people feel bad or good or not at all.
I worry about weither I'll ever fit in, or weither anyone will ever forgive me for being such a dumbass, a jerk, a loser, a winner, and a rock bottom hitter all at once.
Hello world, welcome to my own personal fantasy.
I call this one introspection....
You see, inside my head everything is fine. My world is great, I have all my friends there.
(It keeps me from the harsh realities of life)
In truth, I'm sad because I fucked up a lot this year.
I see all my friends I've made over the past 4 or so years, I see them all succede.... some of them make bad decisions and I help them through it.... but mostly they succede.
I wonder if the world is built on succedeing on the failure of others.
"Oh don't worry about it X person, you'll do better soon!" I'd say to someone, and yet I still linger in my own world.
I wonder if it's my fault or weither I'm just destined to stay here, at the bottom as a stepladder to success for those who just can't quite reach high enough.
... You probubly think I'm an asshole for saying things like this by now, but you know that I'm a good guy deep inside. Somewhere, where I don't piss people off.... and I don't hurt anyone by trying to warn them.... but never quite working it out.
I'm sorry world, I'm sorry.....
forgive me?
.... -Codi
Time ticks, the clock goes round and round and I don't feel...... anything at all about the impending celebrations.
I look back on the past year and I scoff. At myself mostly, also at the friends I've gained and lost this year. I've done a lot to piss people off and I've also done a lot to make myself happy.
So that's what it boils down to. Me.... stuck in yet another perpetual and figurative downward spiral. When you think you've hit rock bottom... heh there's allways further down to go.
Life seems to pick up a drill and go lower when you least expect it.
So what do I plan for the New year? Absolutely nothing...
Because that's not the kind of person I am. Logical thought? Planned action? Bah fuck it all, throw caution to the wind and live life by the seat of my pants....
At least that's how I'm trying to live it.... and it's not working too well.
Still no girlfriend.... memories of past occurances keep plagueing me....
I wish I could have untroubled sleep again.... it was beautiful not to be stressed by my family, or by anyone for that matter.
I'd like to say I don't care about anything at all, but that's just a downright lie.
I care about a lot of things. I care about where I'm going to be living, I care about where my life is going. I care about weither or not I'm leading girls on, or making people feel bad or good or not at all.
I worry about weither I'll ever fit in, or weither anyone will ever forgive me for being such a dumbass, a jerk, a loser, a winner, and a rock bottom hitter all at once.
Hello world, welcome to my own personal fantasy.
I call this one introspection....
You see, inside my head everything is fine. My world is great, I have all my friends there.
(It keeps me from the harsh realities of life)
In truth, I'm sad because I fucked up a lot this year.
I see all my friends I've made over the past 4 or so years, I see them all succede.... some of them make bad decisions and I help them through it.... but mostly they succede.
I wonder if the world is built on succedeing on the failure of others.
"Oh don't worry about it X person, you'll do better soon!" I'd say to someone, and yet I still linger in my own world.
I wonder if it's my fault or weither I'm just destined to stay here, at the bottom as a stepladder to success for those who just can't quite reach high enough.
... You probubly think I'm an asshole for saying things like this by now, but you know that I'm a good guy deep inside. Somewhere, where I don't piss people off.... and I don't hurt anyone by trying to warn them.... but never quite working it out.
I'm sorry world, I'm sorry.....
forgive me?
.... -Codi