"My 26th Year" in Review
As I embark on to my 27th year (Today's Birthday Girl is Me~), and seeing how I have quite magnificently failed to make regular updates *again* for the past 365 days, I figured it would be a good idea to take a moment and re-asses where I am in terms of...
Education and Employment
+ I got chosen for the exchange program from my university and thus relocated my physical being to Tokyo, Japan. I'm currently trying to fight my way through the finals for my semester here, so can't say much about success of educational pursuits here, yet~
-Did not get a scholarship I applied for in hopes of getting financing for doing research while here. Maybe "Girls who read comics of men having hot gay sex" just doesn't hold up to the level of academic "prestige" that studies of "teaching Japanese language" do, as that is what the scholarship went to. Pffft says I~
-Yet again, I failed to find a real job for the summer. I'd be lying if I said this hasn't caused some damage to my self-esteem. >_<;;; Say "hello" to being over-educated yet unemployed, etc.
+/- I did continue to do occasional work for the local comic book store. In fact, I actually got to work a couple of real, normal shifts rather than helping only with special events. Had I stayed in Finland, I might had even reached the status of, *gasp*, part-time employee! ... took, what, only 3 years to convince them that hiring me would be good, huh? *facedesk* Yay for sexism in comic book stores?
Health
One of the big changes of this past year was that my weekly therapy sessions drew to a close. I've been to therapy on and off ever since I was 17 and with my last therapist for over 6 years, so this was no minor event in my life. As much as I would love to, I can't exactly say that the end of therapy came by because I am now mentally stable productive member of the society.
There were several facts in play when it came to the decision to end my therapy for the time being. Possibly the most significant factor was that my move to Japan makes it flat out impossible for me to keep seeing my therapist. Another issue factoring in was the financial one; as I have been to therapy for so many years, I have exhausted pretty much all available financing options for it and the last half a year or so, meaning the spring&early summer of 2010, the burden of my therapy cost fell on parental units, who have never been too keen on me being in therapy to begin with. This somewhat paradoxical situation added its own layer of special awkward and stress to the therapy process.
Still, it should be noted that even with all the conditions contributing to me finishing therapy for now, I would not have done so if I felt like I could absolutely not handle it. I can't claim I was sure that I'd be ok; I can't even claim that I'm now sure I'll be ok from here on out. However, I did feel like I might be at the point where I can handle trying to walk without that crutch. Which isn't to say that it wasn't terrifying and scary, to be sure. But ultimately, it was something I knew I would have to face sooner or later and sooner was becoming more and more likely, so I felt, and still feel, that it was better to do it on my own terms.
When it comes to physical health, this past year has been quite average. Nasty cold in last February, less nasty but more prolonged cold this fall and a (un)healthy dose of suffering from allergies in spring&summer! I guess this makes the physical health grade somewhere around "good" for the past year. ^_~ Not excellent, but far from horrible.
Human Relations
This part is quite tricky, to be honest. With a lot of people, I am not sure exactly where I currently stand and that makes it really impossible to evaluate which direction that relationship has evolved to.
I don't think this year saw any big falling outs, but I also haven't met anyone who would had become of the highest level of closeness. Not that I think it is realistic to even think I could simply meet someone, as it is much more of a thing where someone grows to be especially with time. Regardless, I sense no such movement in the realm of my human relations.
This isn't to say there was no movement or that I feel that I became closer to no one, though. I would say two people from my Japanese class (that finished last spring, back in Finland), especially my partner K in the pair exercises, definitely count as friends now. Good friends, even. It was quite shocking and it is still very lonely to go to a Japanese class here and not have K there.
I do feel immensely grateful to the friends who have stuck by me and continue to stick by me, despite my communication failures and everything. I'm notoriously bad in staying touch even when nothing major is happening and this whole relocation process has just thrown me into a loop when it comes to communication. The patience and understanding that certain individuals have shown to me is vastly undeserved, but greatly appreciated. Much warm and fuzzy feelings~
On the flip side, I am afraid some people I very well may have lost due to my inability to stay touch on even semi-regular basis sometimes. Out of these people, some of them have tried their share to contact me and I do very much feel horribly bad whenever I fail to reply. But while I do plan to definitely get in touch the moment life is a little less crazy, I am fairly certain that it'll be too little too late for some and I definitely can't blame them in any way.
At the same time, some other people out of my list of "lost contacts and missed opportunities" have not really made any attempts to reach out my way either. So while I feel sad at losing touch with them, I don't feel guilty over it. Their failure to contact me does not excuse my failure to contact them, but on emotional level there is a lot less guilt.
I have met a bunch of new people, largely due to the new environment, but it's far too early to really say if any of these people will last along for the ride. Currently I kind of feel that none will last, as the differences in our personalities, interests and values are just too great.
Out of the people I have gotten to know first through the internet, I did meet one in real life this past year. As we both moved to Tokyo during this past fall, I've made them hang out with me quite a few times and to accompany me to my crazy adventures of geeky~
Fun&Games
+I got to add Poland onto the list of countries I have visited, as I went to Krakow during summer~ Beautiful city and all around nice little trip.
+Visited Japan, *again*, in February and went to a Code Geass uke!Suzaku doujinshi event
+I've been able to visit quite a few doujinshi events in Japan since moving here. I have been to series-only events for Code Geass & Hetalia, character-only event for Malik from YuGiOh and I was also able to check off Comiket on my to-do list. Granted, this was "only" the winter Comiket, which is slightly less significant than the summer one, so I might have to go again come summer time. XD
+Even if it was for work, I attended anime related conventions in Finland during the summer. The overall number of events was lower than the year before, though, with only 2 real events. However, both events took 3 days of work, so it felt plenty enough. XD;;; Still, I really enjoy attending cons as a dealer and just talking to all the people coming to buy manga~
+I got to *finally* go to Tokyo Disney Sea! Third time truly is the charm, I guess, seeing how my past two attempts were foiled. I'd say it was worth the wait in the end, tho. Theme parks are made of awesome win. *hearts~*
-No cons in the US of A. Especially the inability to go to YaoiCon for their 10 year anniversary con was disappointing.
- I did NOT cosplay! Not once. This is not only sad, it is down right tragic! I have bunch of cosplays that I want to do and I'm not getting any younger, while the characters are still in their teens! Even everyone below average intelligence can tell how this is a problematic situation~ ;_;
Large part of the problem is lack of cosplay partner. Large part of the fun I have cosplaying is doing silly photoshoots with a partner and without one, that whole aspect is gone. *sigh~*.
The other obvious problem is money. Sometimes it's so very hard to be able to justify spending all that money on something so fleeting.
-I *still* didn't get anything concrete done in terms of making and selling a doujinshi. This is another one of those things, somewhat like cosplay, where I feel like the clock is ticking and I am rapidly running out of time in terms of being in a state of my life where it is possible to do such things.
Education and Employment
+ I got chosen for the exchange program from my university and thus relocated my physical being to Tokyo, Japan. I'm currently trying to fight my way through the finals for my semester here, so can't say much about success of educational pursuits here, yet~
-Did not get a scholarship I applied for in hopes of getting financing for doing research while here. Maybe "Girls who read comics of men having hot gay sex" just doesn't hold up to the level of academic "prestige" that studies of "teaching Japanese language" do, as that is what the scholarship went to. Pffft says I~
-Yet again, I failed to find a real job for the summer. I'd be lying if I said this hasn't caused some damage to my self-esteem. >_<;;; Say "hello" to being over-educated yet unemployed, etc.
+/- I did continue to do occasional work for the local comic book store. In fact, I actually got to work a couple of real, normal shifts rather than helping only with special events. Had I stayed in Finland, I might had even reached the status of, *gasp*, part-time employee! ... took, what, only 3 years to convince them that hiring me would be good, huh? *facedesk* Yay for sexism in comic book stores?
Health
One of the big changes of this past year was that my weekly therapy sessions drew to a close. I've been to therapy on and off ever since I was 17 and with my last therapist for over 6 years, so this was no minor event in my life. As much as I would love to, I can't exactly say that the end of therapy came by because I am now mentally stable productive member of the society.
There were several facts in play when it came to the decision to end my therapy for the time being. Possibly the most significant factor was that my move to Japan makes it flat out impossible for me to keep seeing my therapist. Another issue factoring in was the financial one; as I have been to therapy for so many years, I have exhausted pretty much all available financing options for it and the last half a year or so, meaning the spring&early summer of 2010, the burden of my therapy cost fell on parental units, who have never been too keen on me being in therapy to begin with. This somewhat paradoxical situation added its own layer of special awkward and stress to the therapy process.
Still, it should be noted that even with all the conditions contributing to me finishing therapy for now, I would not have done so if I felt like I could absolutely not handle it. I can't claim I was sure that I'd be ok; I can't even claim that I'm now sure I'll be ok from here on out. However, I did feel like I might be at the point where I can handle trying to walk without that crutch. Which isn't to say that it wasn't terrifying and scary, to be sure. But ultimately, it was something I knew I would have to face sooner or later and sooner was becoming more and more likely, so I felt, and still feel, that it was better to do it on my own terms.
When it comes to physical health, this past year has been quite average. Nasty cold in last February, less nasty but more prolonged cold this fall and a (un)healthy dose of suffering from allergies in spring&summer! I guess this makes the physical health grade somewhere around "good" for the past year. ^_~ Not excellent, but far from horrible.
Human Relations
This part is quite tricky, to be honest. With a lot of people, I am not sure exactly where I currently stand and that makes it really impossible to evaluate which direction that relationship has evolved to.
I don't think this year saw any big falling outs, but I also haven't met anyone who would had become of the highest level of closeness. Not that I think it is realistic to even think I could simply meet someone, as it is much more of a thing where someone grows to be especially with time. Regardless, I sense no such movement in the realm of my human relations.
This isn't to say there was no movement or that I feel that I became closer to no one, though. I would say two people from my Japanese class (that finished last spring, back in Finland), especially my partner K in the pair exercises, definitely count as friends now. Good friends, even. It was quite shocking and it is still very lonely to go to a Japanese class here and not have K there.
I do feel immensely grateful to the friends who have stuck by me and continue to stick by me, despite my communication failures and everything. I'm notoriously bad in staying touch even when nothing major is happening and this whole relocation process has just thrown me into a loop when it comes to communication. The patience and understanding that certain individuals have shown to me is vastly undeserved, but greatly appreciated. Much warm and fuzzy feelings~
On the flip side, I am afraid some people I very well may have lost due to my inability to stay touch on even semi-regular basis sometimes. Out of these people, some of them have tried their share to contact me and I do very much feel horribly bad whenever I fail to reply. But while I do plan to definitely get in touch the moment life is a little less crazy, I am fairly certain that it'll be too little too late for some and I definitely can't blame them in any way.
At the same time, some other people out of my list of "lost contacts and missed opportunities" have not really made any attempts to reach out my way either. So while I feel sad at losing touch with them, I don't feel guilty over it. Their failure to contact me does not excuse my failure to contact them, but on emotional level there is a lot less guilt.
I have met a bunch of new people, largely due to the new environment, but it's far too early to really say if any of these people will last along for the ride. Currently I kind of feel that none will last, as the differences in our personalities, interests and values are just too great.
Out of the people I have gotten to know first through the internet, I did meet one in real life this past year. As we both moved to Tokyo during this past fall, I've made them hang out with me quite a few times and to accompany me to my crazy adventures of geeky~
Fun&Games
+I got to add Poland onto the list of countries I have visited, as I went to Krakow during summer~ Beautiful city and all around nice little trip.
+Visited Japan, *again*, in February and went to a Code Geass uke!Suzaku doujinshi event
+I've been able to visit quite a few doujinshi events in Japan since moving here. I have been to series-only events for Code Geass & Hetalia, character-only event for Malik from YuGiOh and I was also able to check off Comiket on my to-do list. Granted, this was "only" the winter Comiket, which is slightly less significant than the summer one, so I might have to go again come summer time. XD
+Even if it was for work, I attended anime related conventions in Finland during the summer. The overall number of events was lower than the year before, though, with only 2 real events. However, both events took 3 days of work, so it felt plenty enough. XD;;; Still, I really enjoy attending cons as a dealer and just talking to all the people coming to buy manga~
+I got to *finally* go to Tokyo Disney Sea! Third time truly is the charm, I guess, seeing how my past two attempts were foiled. I'd say it was worth the wait in the end, tho. Theme parks are made of awesome win. *hearts~*
-No cons in the US of A. Especially the inability to go to YaoiCon for their 10 year anniversary con was disappointing.
- I did NOT cosplay! Not once. This is not only sad, it is down right tragic! I have bunch of cosplays that I want to do and I'm not getting any younger, while the characters are still in their teens! Even everyone below average intelligence can tell how this is a problematic situation~ ;_;
Large part of the problem is lack of cosplay partner. Large part of the fun I have cosplaying is doing silly photoshoots with a partner and without one, that whole aspect is gone. *sigh~*.
The other obvious problem is money. Sometimes it's so very hard to be able to justify spending all that money on something so fleeting.
-I *still* didn't get anything concrete done in terms of making and selling a doujinshi. This is another one of those things, somewhat like cosplay, where I feel like the clock is ticking and I am rapidly running out of time in terms of being in a state of my life where it is possible to do such things.