what is wrong with me?
life is amazing. one second you think things are going good and youre loving life and BAM. everything turns to shit. i hate who i am. i hate who im becoming. i hate the way i treat my friends. i hate the way i treat my family. i hate the fact that i have gotten myself into yet another really big whole. im so tired of fucking things up. why cant i just be a normal? why do i have to be this monster of a person?
you mean so much to me. words cant even express the bond we once had. i love you so much and i hate what i have done to you. your opinion matters to me more than my own mothers. i miss the days when i could tell you anything and everything. nowadays i feel like i cant come to you with everything for fear you would be disappointed in me. im disappointed in myself for the things that i have done. telling you these things would be so hard. seeing the look on your face when i tell you something bad i did is mortifying. i get this sick empty feeling in the pit of my stomach everytime i think of how i treated you. i just cant live like this. i fucked everything up so bad to the point where i literally have nothing now.
there are so many things that i wish i could change. i want soo bad to alter the past but its impossible. whats done is done. what i did really happened and nothing can change that. now i have to live with myself knowing that i couldnt even go to my best friend and tell her what i was feeling... tell her what i was thinking... tell her how much of a fucking failure i am... tell her how sorry i am for being such a selfish bitch... just tell her SOMETHING... just be her fucking best friend. why is that so difficult? why does your opinion matter so much to me?
the past 7 days have undoubtedly been the worst week of my time here in florida. sure i go out and all. but for what? to get high? to get drunk? to see hot guys? WHAT THE FUCK! i have some serious issues and i need to get my priorities straight. something is missing. its gone. its so close to me yet so far away. i see it everyday but i cant grasp it. not even if i tried. i think its 2 late now. ive waited to long. i have this strange feeling that its over. after 7 years... its over. i never thought it would happen. but it did. and now i have to take resposibility for my actions. no matter how hard it is. i love you. hopefully you can just forget about all this and not let it bother you. i just want you to be happy. keep getting good grades in skool. keep working and saving money. one day it will pay off. i promise. youre gonna have a great life.
you mean so much to me. words cant even express the bond we once had. i love you so much and i hate what i have done to you. your opinion matters to me more than my own mothers. i miss the days when i could tell you anything and everything. nowadays i feel like i cant come to you with everything for fear you would be disappointed in me. im disappointed in myself for the things that i have done. telling you these things would be so hard. seeing the look on your face when i tell you something bad i did is mortifying. i get this sick empty feeling in the pit of my stomach everytime i think of how i treated you. i just cant live like this. i fucked everything up so bad to the point where i literally have nothing now.
there are so many things that i wish i could change. i want soo bad to alter the past but its impossible. whats done is done. what i did really happened and nothing can change that. now i have to live with myself knowing that i couldnt even go to my best friend and tell her what i was feeling... tell her what i was thinking... tell her how much of a fucking failure i am... tell her how sorry i am for being such a selfish bitch... just tell her SOMETHING... just be her fucking best friend. why is that so difficult? why does your opinion matter so much to me?
the past 7 days have undoubtedly been the worst week of my time here in florida. sure i go out and all. but for what? to get high? to get drunk? to see hot guys? WHAT THE FUCK! i have some serious issues and i need to get my priorities straight. something is missing. its gone. its so close to me yet so far away. i see it everyday but i cant grasp it. not even if i tried. i think its 2 late now. ive waited to long. i have this strange feeling that its over. after 7 years... its over. i never thought it would happen. but it did. and now i have to take resposibility for my actions. no matter how hard it is. i love you. hopefully you can just forget about all this and not let it bother you. i just want you to be happy. keep getting good grades in skool. keep working and saving money. one day it will pay off. i promise. youre gonna have a great life.