My new disease is trendy.
I'm at Dana's house, using his slow as fuck computer. What can i say? Yesterday was Steve and I's 7 month anniversary. Unfortunately, we couldn't really do anything. We managed, we see each other every day. Until our one year I don't think it's too important to make a big deal out of it. It's called an anniversary for a reason, after all.
Now i shall write about my new living arrangement. Steve's mum is nice, his brother is cute. I gave him all my old Pokemon toys for christmas and he nearly pooped himself. We also bought him four packs of pokemon cards and, guess what, he got a holographic first addition Charizard in one of them. Holy hell. The most coveted card in all of...pokemon cards. He's a lucky kid. I found what i assume was probably the last copy of The Legend Of Zelda-Twilight Princess in new england (not on reserve, that is) and bought it for steve for christmas. He was very happy, and it made me happy. There's also Peanut, the 6 month old pomeranian. He's my new Googly bear, considering the fact that Terrance has taken to my mother now. Even Kira is coming around and letting me pet her. They're making me feel welcome. I had a long talk with Gidget today, it was one of those conversations in which you finish each others sentances because you know exactly what they're talking about. It was a relief.
I wasn't planning on coming to windsor for a little while, but the past few days i've been feeling shitty, emotionally. I'd stopped eating and socializing with the people i live with, and i was either seething or crying with rage for most of my awake time. I figure i'd rather get away then have a breakdown right infront of my new family. That didn't work out. My grandparents are here and my mother changes her personality with every person she's around. So, so far, I'm not being consoled at all. Not that i expected them to drop everything and hold me like i'm a baby. I just miss being alone with my mum. Oh well, I'll just have to content myself with hiding her pills.
Being forced to live on my own and communicating with people outside of my family has helped with my point of view. (And, by the way, there is absolutely nothing wrong with changing your point of veiw, as long as it's for the better. There's nothing wrong with growing and changing as a person. I'm young, i can't be expected to think the way i do forever, it comes with growing and change of situations and envioronment. to never change is to always stay stupid.) It's just too bad that the people I've established as friends have turned out to be sad, pathetic people and i'm left as a shut-in yet again. This time i actually have somebody, though. Despite living together since the first few weeks of our relationship, he and i are a strong couple and the best of friends. It's better to be alone then to settle for people I don't honestly like. And what are friends in the grand scheme of things? I don't need them. Friends are nice, but they're not nessecary. Sick sick sick, people are fucking stupid. And i no longer find it nessecary to dumb myself down with drugs so i can find my common ground with them. That's all it was. Fuck. Only now, i don't know where i'm going or what i'm doing. I don't want to be a part of any stupid organization. I don't want a job.
I hate the paranoia. The whole "big brother is watching". People try to convince me that it's unreasonable but look out your fucking window, turn on the news. Fucking cellphones that can track your every mood if you're in their network. People are going to end up dead because of that. And so i sit in the basement, waiting for something to happen. It never does. People don't just open their eyes and say "hey, this is stupid." They don't even bother to question what the point of all this is. Why did we fight so hard about freedom when all it got us was MTV? It got us perfume commercials that portray elegance and power, even though it costs $80 a bottle and smells like lysol. So many promises in this world, so many not even intended to be kept. So, here i sit. And i wait. I entertain myself by making fun of everything and complaining about how ironic and stupid everything and everyone is. But when do i do something about it? When CAN i do something about it. I don't want to be a dirty politicion, i don't want to become famous in order to get my message across. I don't want them to get me. TV is made to dumb people down so they're easier to control. And i can't even fucking BELIEVE i ever wanted to become a part of it. I'm glad i eventually opened my eyes and saw what everything really was. But where is my fun now? How can i enjoy my own smarts when it seems that not one other person is intellegent enough to notice how crap everything is. I almost wish i were a bit more stupid.
Where did my piece of mind go?
Now i shall write about my new living arrangement. Steve's mum is nice, his brother is cute. I gave him all my old Pokemon toys for christmas and he nearly pooped himself. We also bought him four packs of pokemon cards and, guess what, he got a holographic first addition Charizard in one of them. Holy hell. The most coveted card in all of...pokemon cards. He's a lucky kid. I found what i assume was probably the last copy of The Legend Of Zelda-Twilight Princess in new england (not on reserve, that is) and bought it for steve for christmas. He was very happy, and it made me happy. There's also Peanut, the 6 month old pomeranian. He's my new Googly bear, considering the fact that Terrance has taken to my mother now. Even Kira is coming around and letting me pet her. They're making me feel welcome. I had a long talk with Gidget today, it was one of those conversations in which you finish each others sentances because you know exactly what they're talking about. It was a relief.
I wasn't planning on coming to windsor for a little while, but the past few days i've been feeling shitty, emotionally. I'd stopped eating and socializing with the people i live with, and i was either seething or crying with rage for most of my awake time. I figure i'd rather get away then have a breakdown right infront of my new family. That didn't work out. My grandparents are here and my mother changes her personality with every person she's around. So, so far, I'm not being consoled at all. Not that i expected them to drop everything and hold me like i'm a baby. I just miss being alone with my mum. Oh well, I'll just have to content myself with hiding her pills.
Being forced to live on my own and communicating with people outside of my family has helped with my point of view. (And, by the way, there is absolutely nothing wrong with changing your point of veiw, as long as it's for the better. There's nothing wrong with growing and changing as a person. I'm young, i can't be expected to think the way i do forever, it comes with growing and change of situations and envioronment. to never change is to always stay stupid.) It's just too bad that the people I've established as friends have turned out to be sad, pathetic people and i'm left as a shut-in yet again. This time i actually have somebody, though. Despite living together since the first few weeks of our relationship, he and i are a strong couple and the best of friends. It's better to be alone then to settle for people I don't honestly like. And what are friends in the grand scheme of things? I don't need them. Friends are nice, but they're not nessecary. Sick sick sick, people are fucking stupid. And i no longer find it nessecary to dumb myself down with drugs so i can find my common ground with them. That's all it was. Fuck. Only now, i don't know where i'm going or what i'm doing. I don't want to be a part of any stupid organization. I don't want a job.
I hate the paranoia. The whole "big brother is watching". People try to convince me that it's unreasonable but look out your fucking window, turn on the news. Fucking cellphones that can track your every mood if you're in their network. People are going to end up dead because of that. And so i sit in the basement, waiting for something to happen. It never does. People don't just open their eyes and say "hey, this is stupid." They don't even bother to question what the point of all this is. Why did we fight so hard about freedom when all it got us was MTV? It got us perfume commercials that portray elegance and power, even though it costs $80 a bottle and smells like lysol. So many promises in this world, so many not even intended to be kept. So, here i sit. And i wait. I entertain myself by making fun of everything and complaining about how ironic and stupid everything and everyone is. But when do i do something about it? When CAN i do something about it. I don't want to be a dirty politicion, i don't want to become famous in order to get my message across. I don't want them to get me. TV is made to dumb people down so they're easier to control. And i can't even fucking BELIEVE i ever wanted to become a part of it. I'm glad i eventually opened my eyes and saw what everything really was. But where is my fun now? How can i enjoy my own smarts when it seems that not one other person is intellegent enough to notice how crap everything is. I almost wish i were a bit more stupid.
Where did my piece of mind go?