with, without

[coccinity]

i have upgraded my state of worry and anxiety to fidgeting and inability to hold attention for any amount of time. and the panic slowly rises. the helplessness. some part of me just wants to lose control physically and flail about in frustration but the rest of me knows that nothing would make my current situation better, so i refrain. but every so often the urge resurfaces and the feeling escalates. regrets at overestimating my importance.

i am really going to the mental hospital at this rate.