life has meaning
so...
guess what... ... -
he's back.
he saw me around three hours of setting foot on minnesota soil and acted as if we still had a future together. i gave into his innocence. his innocence made my heart jump...
for a second, i saw us in love... but then... he...
revealed unmistakable lust as a twist of his hand drove his pocket knife up into my chest cavity over and over until his spine shivered with glee from my painful moans and grinding bloody fingernails... oh wait...
- i saw us in love... but then... he...
giggled as if he were eight years old and playing counterstrike for the first time in his life. i am just a game piece with an open wet vagina to him. a game piece in the simple game of "how many friends can I piss off, while still getting away with using Julia for sex, and acting like it was all her fault cause she forced me into it SO that I will come out looking like the "good guy" while she'll always remain to be the "bad guy" since she fucked another man?".
... yay!
to be quite honest, i would give almost anything to make love to him again, but at this point in time that's not possible. no matter how much i'd want it to be, no matter how he'd come into me... it'll always be just sex.
i miss that feeling. the feeling of having someone inside of you who shares the world with you and loves you for who you are, blah blah blah, mush mush mush... I've only had that with one boy... and i plan on keeping it that way (meaning i'm done with relationships NOT that i'm waiting for him to come back to me).
sure...
life will suck,
but at least i've loved and lost
rather than not experiencing love at all.
blah
on the brighter side of things, after the rendezvous with 'that one guy who likes to fuck with me'... :D - i finally experienced the sides of musician life that i've never wanted to know but have had no choice but to adapt to... sex, drugs, and of course rock and roll. one of the sirens invited me to chill out at her boyfriend's practice space in an old abandoned warehouse beneath the depths of an older part of St. Paul. naturally i accepted hoping to feel the vibration of an electric guitar, bass, and drums training the pulse in my chest.
god must have had some sympathy for me cause sure enough, i felt every numbing note and beat. we brought alcohol of course and sure enough m.j. was present as well. i don't do m.j. but as for second handing her, yeah... we all got pretty fucked up.
some shit went down with one of the sirens but other than that we all were having a good time.
after the sirens and i were pretty much gone, all of a sudden i started hearing the chanting of my name as they were trying to encourage me to sing. like any admiring musician, i have a huge problem playing with people who are by far better and more talented than myself, but the alcohol took over and we did some improv. we kicked major booty. the guys were in awe of my voice and wanted to keep playing with me for the rest of the night (this made me really miss my boys :'( ). i've never felt more alive.
after my performance, one of the drummer/singer/guitar players took me outside for some fresh air and must have whiffed in a little too much O2 and thought it was ok for his tongue to slip in my mouth. i changed the subject and went back inside...
we all decided to take a break and get a little more intoxicated. the sirens and i danced, made out, and did some three way making out sessions with two of the guys. that was hot... everyone tasted like candy, but mostly the ladies did ;) . the siren who invited me there pulled me aside after our escapade and told me how one of the guys i just three-wayed with liked me as well as the one who got a little too fresh...
what an evening...
to make me realize so many beautiful things about my persona -
felt inside the confidence that i've never seen before -
my blindness just a disease, not realizing had he not come back -
with pain, had i not been hurt again.
it's lovely...
the way life works out
what goes up must come down,
but once it's down
that doesn't mean it can't
go up.
- i'm out.
guess what... ... -
he's back.
he saw me around three hours of setting foot on minnesota soil and acted as if we still had a future together. i gave into his innocence. his innocence made my heart jump...
for a second, i saw us in love... but then... he...
revealed unmistakable lust as a twist of his hand drove his pocket knife up into my chest cavity over and over until his spine shivered with glee from my painful moans and grinding bloody fingernails... oh wait...
- i saw us in love... but then... he...
giggled as if he were eight years old and playing counterstrike for the first time in his life. i am just a game piece with an open wet vagina to him. a game piece in the simple game of "how many friends can I piss off, while still getting away with using Julia for sex, and acting like it was all her fault cause she forced me into it SO that I will come out looking like the "good guy" while she'll always remain to be the "bad guy" since she fucked another man?".
... yay!
to be quite honest, i would give almost anything to make love to him again, but at this point in time that's not possible. no matter how much i'd want it to be, no matter how he'd come into me... it'll always be just sex.
i miss that feeling. the feeling of having someone inside of you who shares the world with you and loves you for who you are, blah blah blah, mush mush mush... I've only had that with one boy... and i plan on keeping it that way (meaning i'm done with relationships NOT that i'm waiting for him to come back to me).
sure...
life will suck,
but at least i've loved and lost
rather than not experiencing love at all.
blah
on the brighter side of things, after the rendezvous with 'that one guy who likes to fuck with me'... :D - i finally experienced the sides of musician life that i've never wanted to know but have had no choice but to adapt to... sex, drugs, and of course rock and roll. one of the sirens invited me to chill out at her boyfriend's practice space in an old abandoned warehouse beneath the depths of an older part of St. Paul. naturally i accepted hoping to feel the vibration of an electric guitar, bass, and drums training the pulse in my chest.
god must have had some sympathy for me cause sure enough, i felt every numbing note and beat. we brought alcohol of course and sure enough m.j. was present as well. i don't do m.j. but as for second handing her, yeah... we all got pretty fucked up.
some shit went down with one of the sirens but other than that we all were having a good time.
after the sirens and i were pretty much gone, all of a sudden i started hearing the chanting of my name as they were trying to encourage me to sing. like any admiring musician, i have a huge problem playing with people who are by far better and more talented than myself, but the alcohol took over and we did some improv. we kicked major booty. the guys were in awe of my voice and wanted to keep playing with me for the rest of the night (this made me really miss my boys :'( ). i've never felt more alive.
after my performance, one of the drummer/singer/guitar players took me outside for some fresh air and must have whiffed in a little too much O2 and thought it was ok for his tongue to slip in my mouth. i changed the subject and went back inside...
we all decided to take a break and get a little more intoxicated. the sirens and i danced, made out, and did some three way making out sessions with two of the guys. that was hot... everyone tasted like candy, but mostly the ladies did ;) . the siren who invited me there pulled me aside after our escapade and told me how one of the guys i just three-wayed with liked me as well as the one who got a little too fresh...
what an evening...
to make me realize so many beautiful things about my persona -
felt inside the confidence that i've never seen before -
my blindness just a disease, not realizing had he not come back -
with pain, had i not been hurt again.
it's lovely...
the way life works out
what goes up must come down,
but once it's down
that doesn't mean it can't
go up.
- i'm out.