(no subject)
it's all so new.
new routines in my "home"
and no friends at school. i live my days plotting out how to get back to saco. it's really hard to live so far from dylan. it's not so much the long drive as the use of gas, not so much the traffic as having to go back to portland in the late evening. all alone. polly, the lady whose house this is, took a job in ohio and will be commuting back and forth every few days. which means i'll be alone a lot. and that's not exactly how i wanted this to go. for the life of me i can't find the english major curriculum for smcc and i know i saw it once. i could never have moved farther than south portland. i'm so glad i didn't do americorp or a farther away school. but on the other hand, maybe that way i'd have found friends by now.
and i'm not only not making friends, i'm losing potential friends. a guy told me he has the algebra book i need and would sell it to me for much cheaper than the school's store would. but i couldn't tell if this was a scam so when he called last night to meet up and obviously make small talk, i quickly told me i didn't need the book. and he sounded sad. another lost friend, acquaintance, future best friend? see, you just never know.
i know this is still just new and things will get better. i hate the beginning of every school year, who doesn't. but this is hard, to have no friends. that hasn't happened since third grade. i didn't have real friends at school until i was nine. and i remember sitting there at recess with no one to play with. it's like that now, no one to play with. and i miss everyone. it's about time to hang out with marissa again and text ellie and talk to jess and carol and the laurens...
smcc is a beautiful campass on the beach. but in another few weeks it will be too cold to appreciate. and whenever i go back to saco, dylan doesn't get out of work until 8. today i'll get out at 5:30. i'm sick of going back to my saco house just to wait for him.
rant, rant, rant...is this it? is this the beginning of living on my own? i like the idea of my own place just, not all by myself. i like the idea of creating my own schedule and making my own plans but not when teachers still act like high school. "you will need a three ring binder with 5 sections. there is no exception!" i don't know how many people know this but i have never used a three ring binder for any teacher and i don't plan to start now. i have my own way and it works.
fuck this. i hate this. i hate school. working 40 hours a week sounds fine right now. lately i've been getting up early anyway. i don't know if i can survive this.
fuck this. it's high school.
new routines in my "home"
and no friends at school. i live my days plotting out how to get back to saco. it's really hard to live so far from dylan. it's not so much the long drive as the use of gas, not so much the traffic as having to go back to portland in the late evening. all alone. polly, the lady whose house this is, took a job in ohio and will be commuting back and forth every few days. which means i'll be alone a lot. and that's not exactly how i wanted this to go. for the life of me i can't find the english major curriculum for smcc and i know i saw it once. i could never have moved farther than south portland. i'm so glad i didn't do americorp or a farther away school. but on the other hand, maybe that way i'd have found friends by now.
and i'm not only not making friends, i'm losing potential friends. a guy told me he has the algebra book i need and would sell it to me for much cheaper than the school's store would. but i couldn't tell if this was a scam so when he called last night to meet up and obviously make small talk, i quickly told me i didn't need the book. and he sounded sad. another lost friend, acquaintance, future best friend? see, you just never know.
i know this is still just new and things will get better. i hate the beginning of every school year, who doesn't. but this is hard, to have no friends. that hasn't happened since third grade. i didn't have real friends at school until i was nine. and i remember sitting there at recess with no one to play with. it's like that now, no one to play with. and i miss everyone. it's about time to hang out with marissa again and text ellie and talk to jess and carol and the laurens...
smcc is a beautiful campass on the beach. but in another few weeks it will be too cold to appreciate. and whenever i go back to saco, dylan doesn't get out of work until 8. today i'll get out at 5:30. i'm sick of going back to my saco house just to wait for him.
rant, rant, rant...is this it? is this the beginning of living on my own? i like the idea of my own place just, not all by myself. i like the idea of creating my own schedule and making my own plans but not when teachers still act like high school. "you will need a three ring binder with 5 sections. there is no exception!" i don't know how many people know this but i have never used a three ring binder for any teacher and i don't plan to start now. i have my own way and it works.
fuck this. i hate this. i hate school. working 40 hours a week sounds fine right now. lately i've been getting up early anyway. i don't know if i can survive this.
fuck this. it's high school.