(no subject)
looking forward to wandering around cap hill later today.
to dream of corsets and fishnets and leather pants and shiny vibrators and gauzy whatchyamacallits and all the flavors of lube on the hill.... i really wish i had the space to dedicate to cultivating some kind of atmosphere of color-orgy and paraphernalia. soon.
i want to play poker all the sudden. poker, 5 card draw, betting babies.
interesting, i am not sure where i should place my boundaries when it comes to the sharing of personal details. sometimes it means more, or less, than i expect. it's like coming out, though that's one thing i'm pretty much okey-dokey with. maybe because i usually don't have to say a word. sharing supposedly deep emotional information about myself is supposed to be an activity for bonding, and trust building, but the information i share doesn't seem to correlate to the levels of trust implied when two fairly typical people share things of an equivalent nature. i say it, and it doesn't mean a whole lot for me and you, what interests me more is how we play with the information. it's fun for me. the problems arise when i am desensitized to a topic, bring it up, and you are not. i do ok at gauging other people's emotional reactions, but for related reasons, i am not tender. so i bring it up, and you are not okay with it, and we are delayed. or, my sharing is misinterpreted as a sign of a deeper trust. what is trust? i'd like to go by the rule, ask and i will answer. i'll be clear if i don't want to talk about it. but then no one asks, and nothing is discussed, so i simply wonder about myself. what is it i should be doing? i'm not very clear on where or what my problem areas are because they are defined by those i interact with, and because i like to interact with a large variety of people it's always so complicated. i should simplify. though, all of this implies i have a goal. in fact, i do not. i just want to see what's out there. i like my problems, but it's annoying when the mere hint of "problems" makes you scamper. are you defending yourself, or just afraid?
wanting is what moves me. no need to be so cognitive about it. to plumb the depths of your want is, perhaps, to know you. or maybe i just want to eat you and prevent you from spawning.
simple words.
to dream of corsets and fishnets and leather pants and shiny vibrators and gauzy whatchyamacallits and all the flavors of lube on the hill.... i really wish i had the space to dedicate to cultivating some kind of atmosphere of color-orgy and paraphernalia. soon.
i want to play poker all the sudden. poker, 5 card draw, betting babies.
interesting, i am not sure where i should place my boundaries when it comes to the sharing of personal details. sometimes it means more, or less, than i expect. it's like coming out, though that's one thing i'm pretty much okey-dokey with. maybe because i usually don't have to say a word. sharing supposedly deep emotional information about myself is supposed to be an activity for bonding, and trust building, but the information i share doesn't seem to correlate to the levels of trust implied when two fairly typical people share things of an equivalent nature. i say it, and it doesn't mean a whole lot for me and you, what interests me more is how we play with the information. it's fun for me. the problems arise when i am desensitized to a topic, bring it up, and you are not. i do ok at gauging other people's emotional reactions, but for related reasons, i am not tender. so i bring it up, and you are not okay with it, and we are delayed. or, my sharing is misinterpreted as a sign of a deeper trust. what is trust? i'd like to go by the rule, ask and i will answer. i'll be clear if i don't want to talk about it. but then no one asks, and nothing is discussed, so i simply wonder about myself. what is it i should be doing? i'm not very clear on where or what my problem areas are because they are defined by those i interact with, and because i like to interact with a large variety of people it's always so complicated. i should simplify. though, all of this implies i have a goal. in fact, i do not. i just want to see what's out there. i like my problems, but it's annoying when the mere hint of "problems" makes you scamper. are you defending yourself, or just afraid?
wanting is what moves me. no need to be so cognitive about it. to plumb the depths of your want is, perhaps, to know you. or maybe i just want to eat you and prevent you from spawning.
simple words.