(no subject)
Ive never been so afraid. If i loose him i dont have anybody. But i need a life seperate from him too. What i thought i had is lost, and what i want is far from reach. My family rejects me, my bestfriend has changed into a mean person, and my other friends i have less contact with, and there arent many. Its really stupid but i dont have a bunch of shoulders to cry on anymore and that hurts and if he leaves me im alone. I feel like we've changed because of me, and i want it back the way it was. But there was so much that made me afraid too, and now im even more afraid. If i let him do it, i wont be able to bare it. If i dont let him, he probably wont be able to bear it and break up with me. I feel like im suffocating him, and myself and when i think about setting myself free, he might cheat on me and then ill get hurt. Why am i so dependent? Why do i allow myself to get hurt over and over again? Am i in love with a dream or with a person? I need time, and my friends, and time away from him but cant bring myself to seperate myself from him. I need him so much, and he's also the only person who will put up with me lol.