been a long while...
hasnt been going the way i hoped it all would. he hates me, hes going for other girls....at least thats how it feels. we're gonna just end it all soon. i know it. and its my fault. im not affectionate, loving, caring, nice, kind, gentle, generous, anymore....im just a flat out bitch, or so he says. does it really come naturally? have i really changed that rapidly and so drastically? i feel like ive completely let him down. maybe he should just dump me and hook up with hannah, for my own good. maybe i deserve it. i deserve a shitload of things. im not the greatest person i have been to him for the longest time. im just a selfish bitch who only cares about myself. god, i care about him so much but for some reason i cant come to show it anymore. whats wrong with me? why am i failing him so harshly now? why am i fucking up so bad? i feel like such shit for how ive been behaving towards him lately. we always get into fights, im always crying, and he has no urge to even comfort me anymore. im crying because ive fucked up, and he doesnt even care. hes tired of me being a bitch to him. hes tired of me acting like i dont give a fuck. but havent i always been like that? he needs to just go ahead...and dump me. im ready for it. im fucking ready. just do it already. i know its going to happen. i cant change it. god. i feel like im the worst person in the world. but the thing is. the reason why im so hooked on him is because...hes the first one ive ever felt like this about. even if i dont show it. i dunno. im out. later.