Gratitude
...there are not many moments in which I can say that I have felt, known, to my core, that I am living a blessed life.
Sitting on my porch, in the freezing weather with a warm cup of coffee, I had one of those moments, and reflected on a week of reasons I feel so blessed this chilly morn.
I have math to do today. Math that frustrates me beyond reason. I understand the formulas, I understand that this is supposed to equal that, but somewhere along the lines - the communication chain is broken within my own mind and I cannot get this to equal that... while this might not seem something to be grateful for, it is. I am refusing to give up. I will keep doing this math. I will come to a point where I understand it, because i have worked for it, earned it, and on the other side of that will be another math wall for me to climb. This time, I will be scaling walls I did not scale in high school. I stood at the bottom, looking at the wall and saying to myself, "this is too hard". I am grateful that I have grown, and learned enough to say, "damn, this is hard - and the reward will be that much sweeter for the work".
A dental appointment that went so much better than the last that three days later, I feel almost back to my self. A trained skeptic, I often say "I accept your energy" or energetic thoughts, but I rarely open myself to do so. This time, I did. Sitting in that chair, thinking "ack, here comes the needle", I heard a friend's voice. "Breathe, Meredith. Breathe." I relaxed into it and realized I was still partially closed. I opened, and a wave of warmth and affection carried me through the next thirty minutes. Ladies, you make more of a difference than I possess words to convey. Namaste'.
A brief, surprising and happy conversation on my porch with someone who, just two months ago, told me she hated me, but after attending the Halowmass ritual hosted by M.A.G.I.C. changed her mind. It is no coincidence that I promised myself six months ago that I would work on my tendency to hold grudges. It took precious little time for a means to work on that to manifest. This morning, I realized that while I still have some natural hesitation in my interactions with this person, I can and have already, forgiven the words, spoken in anger and confusion. Instead, I will allow myself to keep this friendship instead of lighting the match.
In addition to these things, school is going well, and my registration for next term scared the beejezuz outta me. In a good way. Here we go. Here is the path set. I intend to walk it, despite my fears and insecurities.
This morning, I am blessed. And for every day that I wake thinking this is not true...I have this post to remind me that it is, indeed, a combination of the little and big things that mean I am - even when I don't feel it. Even when I hide it from myself.
Sitting on my porch, in the freezing weather with a warm cup of coffee, I had one of those moments, and reflected on a week of reasons I feel so blessed this chilly morn.
I have math to do today. Math that frustrates me beyond reason. I understand the formulas, I understand that this is supposed to equal that, but somewhere along the lines - the communication chain is broken within my own mind and I cannot get this to equal that... while this might not seem something to be grateful for, it is. I am refusing to give up. I will keep doing this math. I will come to a point where I understand it, because i have worked for it, earned it, and on the other side of that will be another math wall for me to climb. This time, I will be scaling walls I did not scale in high school. I stood at the bottom, looking at the wall and saying to myself, "this is too hard". I am grateful that I have grown, and learned enough to say, "damn, this is hard - and the reward will be that much sweeter for the work".
A dental appointment that went so much better than the last that three days later, I feel almost back to my self. A trained skeptic, I often say "I accept your energy" or energetic thoughts, but I rarely open myself to do so. This time, I did. Sitting in that chair, thinking "ack, here comes the needle", I heard a friend's voice. "Breathe, Meredith. Breathe." I relaxed into it and realized I was still partially closed. I opened, and a wave of warmth and affection carried me through the next thirty minutes. Ladies, you make more of a difference than I possess words to convey. Namaste'.
A brief, surprising and happy conversation on my porch with someone who, just two months ago, told me she hated me, but after attending the Halowmass ritual hosted by M.A.G.I.C. changed her mind. It is no coincidence that I promised myself six months ago that I would work on my tendency to hold grudges. It took precious little time for a means to work on that to manifest. This morning, I realized that while I still have some natural hesitation in my interactions with this person, I can and have already, forgiven the words, spoken in anger and confusion. Instead, I will allow myself to keep this friendship instead of lighting the match.
In addition to these things, school is going well, and my registration for next term scared the beejezuz outta me. In a good way. Here we go. Here is the path set. I intend to walk it, despite my fears and insecurities.
This morning, I am blessed. And for every day that I wake thinking this is not true...I have this post to remind me that it is, indeed, a combination of the little and big things that mean I am - even when I don't feel it. Even when I hide it from myself.