Just your average day...
I didn't do much today. It was a pretty boring day actually. I sat in bed and watched T.V. I mean I went to class, but when I got home I plopped down and became a lazy ass. I didn't go to the gym today because my medication is wearing me down. It makes me so tired during the day, but at night time I get the most restless sleep. If this keeps up much longer I will have to stop this medication. I am also starving to top it all off! I haven't eaten anything today (making it day 2 of my fast). There were so many things tempting me today. My friends were trying to get me to eat. I was alone all day when I was home too, that is always so tempting.
I am a secret eater. It is a really bad problem I have. I feel so disgusting and guilty when I eat that I tend to eat in private. If I did binge and my mom asks me about what I ate I sometimes lie...I am a fat loser. I need to just stop binging, that would eliminate the whole secret eating problem. If I could just control my eating to begin with.
So when no one was home it was prime time to just eat as much as I can. No one would know or even care for that matter (my mom will be gone for 5 days). Those are the days I end up binging really bad. When my mom goes out of town for business. My grandma also orders food that is bad for people. She never ceases to fail to buy Pizza one night and Chinese food another. She is like rail thin too! I can't eat stuff like that though and ever be thin.
I am afraid about going to the Ball Park tomorrow to see the Giants. I mean I am excited to see the game and every thing...But the food there is soo bad for people! I am going with my sister Monica and her boyfriend Amir. I know they will be pressuring me to calorie loaded alcoholic drinks (like beer) and eat calorie packed food from the ballpark (like garlic fries and hot dogs). I am going to try to get out of eating as much as possible. I am going to just kind of pick and not really eat..in hopes that they don't really notice.
.
I am a secret eater. It is a really bad problem I have. I feel so disgusting and guilty when I eat that I tend to eat in private. If I did binge and my mom asks me about what I ate I sometimes lie...I am a fat loser. I need to just stop binging, that would eliminate the whole secret eating problem. If I could just control my eating to begin with.
So when no one was home it was prime time to just eat as much as I can. No one would know or even care for that matter (my mom will be gone for 5 days). Those are the days I end up binging really bad. When my mom goes out of town for business. My grandma also orders food that is bad for people. She never ceases to fail to buy Pizza one night and Chinese food another. She is like rail thin too! I can't eat stuff like that though and ever be thin.
I am afraid about going to the Ball Park tomorrow to see the Giants. I mean I am excited to see the game and every thing...But the food there is soo bad for people! I am going with my sister Monica and her boyfriend Amir. I know they will be pressuring me to calorie loaded alcoholic drinks (like beer) and eat calorie packed food from the ballpark (like garlic fries and hot dogs). I am going to try to get out of eating as much as possible. I am going to just kind of pick and not really eat..in hopes that they don't really notice.
.