almost there...
Last night was my last face-to-face meeting with the members of my doctoral cohort. That is, until we see each other at graduation this December. :) There is still much to be done with my dissertation so I am not in full celebration mode, but it did feel great to sit with my classmates and reflect on this journey. It has been the hardest experience of my life, other than losing my brother and George. It has truly gutted me of all I had and brought me to my knees. It has brought me joy and laughter and the blessing of new friendships. And it has caused me to lose friendships, or to be so rarely present in them that I am afraid that they will be lost. It has brought me so much closer to the Lord- leaning on Him and not on myself has always been difficult, but in this program, was essential. It has strained and strengthened my relationship with Jayce.
As we shared last night regarding how the two year program has impacted us, I teared up only as I told them about the many times that I sat with Jayce and asked if she would be disappointed in me if I quit...and instead, she told me she wasn't having it. Get up- go finish what you started. She alone was my strength many, many times in the last few years. And yet, I worry that I haven't been able to be with her enough these years- 3 now, because the first was my EdS program. I've missed opportunities and times with her that I will never get back and it aches to know that. I don't know that I would do this again. Is it worth it? She is proud of me, I know, but I fear that I will one day regret losing this time with her.
What's next? We are writing chapter 4- hope to finish that and chapter 5 by the end of July and get it submitted. If that's the case, we are really hoping hoping hoping that we could defend by September. That would be a dream!! To be finished well before December would just be amazing. To be finished. Oy.
Other than that, I put in some applications for AP positions but they were filled by other candidates. I will return to my job that I adore and keep applying. I'll soon have to start paying back all of these new loans in addition to my old ones...not sure how I will afford that but He will make a way, I know.
I look forward to many nights of supporting Jayce in her new endeavors as a high school student- youth group, marching band, vacations (we can take trips again!), etc. Only 4 years left with her before college and I have a lot of making up to do. I want to be there for everything.
There's also an itching though for more- if I'm not working and going to school, I'll need a new challenge. I'm trying to tell myself that the new challenge will be an AP position in God's timing. But part of me wants to do more- maybe start fostering or have a baby! Haha that would certainly fill my days! Hahaha. Jayce would LOVE that. Oy. Maybe we should get a puppy instead.
Anyhoo, feels good. Blessed. Blessed. Blessed to be here in this time of my life. Everyone is healthy. Thankful for that. Looking forward to more good things.
Back to writing. :(
As we shared last night regarding how the two year program has impacted us, I teared up only as I told them about the many times that I sat with Jayce and asked if she would be disappointed in me if I quit...and instead, she told me she wasn't having it. Get up- go finish what you started. She alone was my strength many, many times in the last few years. And yet, I worry that I haven't been able to be with her enough these years- 3 now, because the first was my EdS program. I've missed opportunities and times with her that I will never get back and it aches to know that. I don't know that I would do this again. Is it worth it? She is proud of me, I know, but I fear that I will one day regret losing this time with her.
What's next? We are writing chapter 4- hope to finish that and chapter 5 by the end of July and get it submitted. If that's the case, we are really hoping hoping hoping that we could defend by September. That would be a dream!! To be finished well before December would just be amazing. To be finished. Oy.
Other than that, I put in some applications for AP positions but they were filled by other candidates. I will return to my job that I adore and keep applying. I'll soon have to start paying back all of these new loans in addition to my old ones...not sure how I will afford that but He will make a way, I know.
I look forward to many nights of supporting Jayce in her new endeavors as a high school student- youth group, marching band, vacations (we can take trips again!), etc. Only 4 years left with her before college and I have a lot of making up to do. I want to be there for everything.
There's also an itching though for more- if I'm not working and going to school, I'll need a new challenge. I'm trying to tell myself that the new challenge will be an AP position in God's timing. But part of me wants to do more- maybe start fostering or have a baby! Haha that would certainly fill my days! Hahaha. Jayce would LOVE that. Oy. Maybe we should get a puppy instead.
Anyhoo, feels good. Blessed. Blessed. Blessed to be here in this time of my life. Everyone is healthy. Thankful for that. Looking forward to more good things.
Back to writing. :(