Remus' Remorse
Title: Remus' Remorse
Author: cosmosmariner
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Rating: T
Summary: Remus deals with his emotions immediately after the events of Halloween 1981.
Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with JK Rowling, Scholastic, Warner Bros, or anyone involved in the HP Universe.
Remus drank the deeply of the wine that Sirius had left him a few weeks ago. The vintage was sweet; as was the evening they had spent together. It always surprised him how much Sirius claimed to love him. Sirius Black, so strong, so handsome, so desirable. It had come as a shock to him when Sirius pulled him aside a few months before graduation and confessed that he had loved him for years. Remus couldn’t believe it. He almost didn’t want to, because he was afraid of the pain it would cause if it ended his friendship. But Sirius would have none of that. He pursued Remus, and late one night, during the New Moon, Sirius kissed Remus full on the lips and told him that he loved him. It was then that Remus threw all his uncertainties aside and decided that love was worth the risk.
But now… now the fear was overtaking him. His hands shaking, he tried to pour himself another glass of wine. His thoughts wandered to the thing he dreaded most - the rumor that he heard from Peter. Wormtail kept telling Remus was Sirius had gone over to Lord Voldemort, was working as a spy for him. Remus couldn’t believe that he could share his bed with a man who would sell James and Lily out. He couldn’t believe that Sirius would throw it all away. Throw them all away.
He threw Wormtail out of the little cottage and told him not to come back, then he kept the rumor to himself. He refused to believe it. Why would Sirius do this? How could he? But then, when word spread that James and Lily were dead, and Harry was in hiding, Remus himself wanted to die. Peter was telling the truth. Sirius was the Secret-Keeper. The Potters were dead because Sirius betrayed them. Sirius betrayed him. It couldn’t be true. His Sirius would never do such a vile act, but why would Peter lie to him? He had to accept that Sirius Black was not the man that Remus thought he was. It broke him apart.
He held his head in his hands and wept silent tears for Lily, James, the boy, and for himself. He had been a blind fool to believe that love could come his way. Taking another drink straight out of the bottle, he looked down at the table. There, in a gilded frame, was a picture of Remus and Sirius standing side by side, looking at each other with love and friendship. It hurt him to know that Sirius’ friendship was false; that their shared intimacy was a hideous lie. Remus threw the picture of them against the wall and watched as it shattered, like the life he once knew.
Author: cosmosmariner
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Rating: T
Summary: Remus deals with his emotions immediately after the events of Halloween 1981.
Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with JK Rowling, Scholastic, Warner Bros, or anyone involved in the HP Universe.
Remus drank the deeply of the wine that Sirius had left him a few weeks ago. The vintage was sweet; as was the evening they had spent together. It always surprised him how much Sirius claimed to love him. Sirius Black, so strong, so handsome, so desirable. It had come as a shock to him when Sirius pulled him aside a few months before graduation and confessed that he had loved him for years. Remus couldn’t believe it. He almost didn’t want to, because he was afraid of the pain it would cause if it ended his friendship. But Sirius would have none of that. He pursued Remus, and late one night, during the New Moon, Sirius kissed Remus full on the lips and told him that he loved him. It was then that Remus threw all his uncertainties aside and decided that love was worth the risk.
But now… now the fear was overtaking him. His hands shaking, he tried to pour himself another glass of wine. His thoughts wandered to the thing he dreaded most - the rumor that he heard from Peter. Wormtail kept telling Remus was Sirius had gone over to Lord Voldemort, was working as a spy for him. Remus couldn’t believe that he could share his bed with a man who would sell James and Lily out. He couldn’t believe that Sirius would throw it all away. Throw them all away.
He threw Wormtail out of the little cottage and told him not to come back, then he kept the rumor to himself. He refused to believe it. Why would Sirius do this? How could he? But then, when word spread that James and Lily were dead, and Harry was in hiding, Remus himself wanted to die. Peter was telling the truth. Sirius was the Secret-Keeper. The Potters were dead because Sirius betrayed them. Sirius betrayed him. It couldn’t be true. His Sirius would never do such a vile act, but why would Peter lie to him? He had to accept that Sirius Black was not the man that Remus thought he was. It broke him apart.
He held his head in his hands and wept silent tears for Lily, James, the boy, and for himself. He had been a blind fool to believe that love could come his way. Taking another drink straight out of the bottle, he looked down at the table. There, in a gilded frame, was a picture of Remus and Sirius standing side by side, looking at each other with love and friendship. It hurt him to know that Sirius’ friendship was false; that their shared intimacy was a hideous lie. Remus threw the picture of them against the wall and watched as it shattered, like the life he once knew.