Forty Hours
Title: Forty Hours
Author: cosmosmariner
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Rating: T
Summary: Remus is counting the hours since he last saw Sirius.
Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with JK Rowling, Scholastic, Warner Bros, or anyone involved in the HP Universe.
It's been forty hours, twenty-seven minutes, and eight seconds since he left.
I know that I've not lived a charmed life. Being bit by a werewolf should have showed me my fate, but I was never one for fate. James, Sirius and I, we laughed in fortune’s face. I know now that I shouldn't have done it, because I'm the only one left. Peter is alive, but he's not the Peter I knew, the Peter I trusted once with my most horrible secret. It's just me, the lone wolf, so to speak.
I've never felt lonelier than I do now, a wanted man in many ways. I have those prejudiced types chasing me, wanting to destroy every werewolf they see. I have Death Eaters plotting their deeds because I am a member of the Order. No matter where I am, I am not safe. I now know exactly how Harry feels, but I wish to God that I didn't.
I wish I could tell my fears and secrets to Sirius, as I used to. For years, it was Sirius alone who comforted me, who soothed my pain and loneliness. That horrible day when James and Lily died changed everything. There were accusations, spoken insecurities, and even though I doubted deep inside that Padfoot could have ever done such a thing, I had no other choice. I only knew that he was the Potter's Secret-Keeper and that they were dead. It killed me. Sirius went to Azkaban and I went into hiding, trying to find a place where I could forget that all of it happened. There was nowhere to go. Everything made me think of James and Lily, but most of all, Sirius.
I never told anyone, not even James, that my friendship with Sirius was more than just friendly. I had enough problems without adding more persecution to it. Sirius and I were complete opposites. He was handsome, bright, well heeled, gifted in everything and I was...well, I was just Remus, a simple man with simple tastes and a penchant for shyness. No one would have ever thought that we were together. No one could have known, because I encouraged Sirius to date girls, throw the scent off, if you will. He obliged, sullenly, but he never bedded them. He always returned to me, where I would hold him close to me, kiss his strong, freshly shaved face and tell him that I would love him forever.
Azkaban took away all our plans, all our dreams, and all my hope for the future. It turned Sirius into a sunken, hollow shell of himself. The freewheeling youth was gone and in his place was a hungry, angry, and most of all, saddened man. He never had the opportunity to grieve James and Lily, to get to know Harry, to tell me how much I meant to him, until that night in the Shrieking Shack, where I looked into his eyes and saw the flame that once burned so brightly. I knew that my Sirius was back, and when I rushed to embrace him, I once again felt complete.
Those two years afterwards were like a rebirth for us. He and I talked for a long time, getting to know what had been happening in my life and working through the horrible ordeal that Sirius had been through in prison. Finally, late one evening, when he and I were able to be completely alone, we finally expressed our love for one another physically. For the first time in fourteen years, it seemed that everything was the same as it always had been. Even when he became the great black dog, I felt at peace. I'd pat his head and shake his paw, like the old days, and he would lick my face until he couldn't stand not touching me with his own human hands. Those blissful days are all memories to me now. My love, my life, my best friend Padfoot is dead.
Forty-one hours.
Author: cosmosmariner
Pairing: Sirius/Remus
Rating: T
Summary: Remus is counting the hours since he last saw Sirius.
Disclaimer: I have nothing to do with JK Rowling, Scholastic, Warner Bros, or anyone involved in the HP Universe.
It's been forty hours, twenty-seven minutes, and eight seconds since he left.
I know that I've not lived a charmed life. Being bit by a werewolf should have showed me my fate, but I was never one for fate. James, Sirius and I, we laughed in fortune’s face. I know now that I shouldn't have done it, because I'm the only one left. Peter is alive, but he's not the Peter I knew, the Peter I trusted once with my most horrible secret. It's just me, the lone wolf, so to speak.
I've never felt lonelier than I do now, a wanted man in many ways. I have those prejudiced types chasing me, wanting to destroy every werewolf they see. I have Death Eaters plotting their deeds because I am a member of the Order. No matter where I am, I am not safe. I now know exactly how Harry feels, but I wish to God that I didn't.
I wish I could tell my fears and secrets to Sirius, as I used to. For years, it was Sirius alone who comforted me, who soothed my pain and loneliness. That horrible day when James and Lily died changed everything. There were accusations, spoken insecurities, and even though I doubted deep inside that Padfoot could have ever done such a thing, I had no other choice. I only knew that he was the Potter's Secret-Keeper and that they were dead. It killed me. Sirius went to Azkaban and I went into hiding, trying to find a place where I could forget that all of it happened. There was nowhere to go. Everything made me think of James and Lily, but most of all, Sirius.
I never told anyone, not even James, that my friendship with Sirius was more than just friendly. I had enough problems without adding more persecution to it. Sirius and I were complete opposites. He was handsome, bright, well heeled, gifted in everything and I was...well, I was just Remus, a simple man with simple tastes and a penchant for shyness. No one would have ever thought that we were together. No one could have known, because I encouraged Sirius to date girls, throw the scent off, if you will. He obliged, sullenly, but he never bedded them. He always returned to me, where I would hold him close to me, kiss his strong, freshly shaved face and tell him that I would love him forever.
Azkaban took away all our plans, all our dreams, and all my hope for the future. It turned Sirius into a sunken, hollow shell of himself. The freewheeling youth was gone and in his place was a hungry, angry, and most of all, saddened man. He never had the opportunity to grieve James and Lily, to get to know Harry, to tell me how much I meant to him, until that night in the Shrieking Shack, where I looked into his eyes and saw the flame that once burned so brightly. I knew that my Sirius was back, and when I rushed to embrace him, I once again felt complete.
Those two years afterwards were like a rebirth for us. He and I talked for a long time, getting to know what had been happening in my life and working through the horrible ordeal that Sirius had been through in prison. Finally, late one evening, when he and I were able to be completely alone, we finally expressed our love for one another physically. For the first time in fourteen years, it seemed that everything was the same as it always had been. Even when he became the great black dog, I felt at peace. I'd pat his head and shake his paw, like the old days, and he would lick my face until he couldn't stand not touching me with his own human hands. Those blissful days are all memories to me now. My love, my life, my best friend Padfoot is dead.
Forty-one hours.