Chuck Norris facts stolen shamelessy from Tricia because it was just way too awesome - plus thingy
Thingy also from Tricia. *nod*
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
Make bold what applies to you.
I'm afraid of the quiet.
I am really ticklish.
I'm afraid of the dark
I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night.
I am homosexual.
I believe in true love
I've run away from home.
I collect comic books.
I shut others out when I'm sad
I stayed out all night.
I open up to others easily.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I watch the news.
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I love Disney movies.
I am a sucker for pretty eyes.
I don't kill bugs.
I curse once in a while.
I curse too much
I have (had) "x"s in my screen name.
I've slipped and fell in public
I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
I love Spam.
I bake well.
I have worn pajamas to class.
I have owned something from Abercrombie.
Talked on a phone for 5 hours
I love Dr. Phil
I like someone.
I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
I am self-conscious.
I love to laugh.
I drink alcohol on a regular basis.
I loved Lord of the Flies.
I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
I can't swallow pills.
I have alot of scars.
I've been out of this country.
I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. Or cockroaches. I kill them, then go to sleep.
I love chocolate.
I love spaghetti.
I bite my nails.
I play computer games when I'm bored.
I cry sometimes for no reason
Gotten lost in the city.
Seen a shooting star.
Had a serious injury.
Been so mad youve locked yourself in your room for the day
Gone out in public in your pajamas.
Have kissed a stranger.
Hugged a stranger
Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of the same sex.
Been in a fist fight.
Been arrested.
Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of your nose.
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
Made out in an elevator.
Swore at your parents.
Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose.
Been skydiving.
Been bungee jumping.
Gotten stitches.
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
Bitten someone.
Been to Niagara Falls.
Gotten the chicken pox twice.
Crashed into a car.
been to Japan.
Ridden in a taxi.
Shoplifted.
Been fired.
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. Hasn't everyone?
Stole something from your job.
Gone on a blind date.
Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
Been to Europe.
Slept with a co-worker.
Been married.
Gotten divorced.
Saw someone/something dying.
Driven over 400 miles in one day. Well, been in the car that did it.
Been to Canada.
Been on a Plane.
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. More times than one can count. :P
Thrown up in a bar.
Eaten sushi.
Been snowboarding.
Been skiing.
Been ice skating.
Cried in public
Threw something at someone
Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed.
Walked on train tracks
Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have.
Thought of someone almost 24/7
Hated the world.
Wished you had never met most of your friends
Lost something
Thought about old memories
Threw spitballs at a teacher
Wished to stay in your bed and never come out
1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.
3. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
4. Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
5. The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck Norris--more than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.
6. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
7. Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
8. When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.
9. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".
10. Before each filming of Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris is injected with five times the lethal dose of elephant tranquilzer. This is, of course, to limit his strength and mobility, in an attempt to lower the fatality rate of the actors he fights.
11. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
12. When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
13. Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.
14. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
15. Chuck Norris once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.
Make bold what applies to you.
I'm afraid of the quiet.
I am really ticklish.
I'm afraid of the dark
I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night.
I am homosexual.
I believe in true love
I've run away from home.
I collect comic books.
I shut others out when I'm sad
I stayed out all night.
I open up to others easily.
I am keeping a secret from the world.
I watch the news.
I own over 5 rap CDs.
I love Disney movies.
I am a sucker for pretty eyes.
I don't kill bugs.
I curse once in a while.
I curse too much
I have (had) "x"s in my screen name.
I've slipped and fell in public
I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
I love Spam.
I bake well.
I have worn pajamas to class.
I have owned something from Abercrombie.
Talked on a phone for 5 hours
I love Dr. Phil
I like someone.
I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
I am self-conscious.
I love to laugh.
I drink alcohol on a regular basis.
I loved Lord of the Flies.
I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
I can't swallow pills.
I have alot of scars.
I've been out of this country.
I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room. Or cockroaches. I kill them, then go to sleep.
I love chocolate.
I love spaghetti.
I bite my nails.
I play computer games when I'm bored.
I cry sometimes for no reason
Gotten lost in the city.
Seen a shooting star.
Had a serious injury.
Been so mad youve locked yourself in your room for the day
Gone out in public in your pajamas.
Have kissed a stranger.
Hugged a stranger
Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of the same sex.
Been in a fist fight.
Been arrested.
Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of your nose.
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
Made out in an elevator.
Swore at your parents.
Kicked a guy where it hurts on purpose.
Been skydiving.
Been bungee jumping.
Gotten stitches.
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
Bitten someone.
Been to Niagara Falls.
Gotten the chicken pox twice.
Crashed into a car.
been to Japan.
Ridden in a taxi.
Shoplifted.
Been fired.
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. Hasn't everyone?
Stole something from your job.
Gone on a blind date.
Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
Been to Europe.
Slept with a co-worker.
Been married.
Gotten divorced.
Saw someone/something dying.
Driven over 400 miles in one day. Well, been in the car that did it.
Been to Canada.
Been on a Plane.
Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show. More times than one can count. :P
Thrown up in a bar.
Eaten sushi.
Been snowboarding.
Been skiing.
Been ice skating.
Cried in public
Threw something at someone
Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed.
Walked on train tracks
Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have.
Thought of someone almost 24/7
Hated the world.
Wished you had never met most of your friends
Lost something
Thought about old memories
Threw spitballs at a teacher
Wished to stay in your bed and never come out