Week 3
I'm studying for LSATs, June 11th. Mum and I came up with the idea on a long drive down to DC for an Asian Studies conference and the March For Our Lives, so that would have been March 22nd. That first weekend was spent attempting the March and conference, and reading "A Trail Guide to Careers in Environmental Law." The following week was a mess of unpacking from the conference, trying to get my ducks in a row and my head on after travel, which always throws me badly. (I think I could solve that with an ironclad travel routine, but I haven't yet.)
I took a free online practice exam on Saturday afternoon, and since then have been following a brisk study schedule of an hour a day, currently with a day off on Sunday, and a practice exam every Saturday afternoon. Yesterday was my third practice exam, which makes this the start of Week Three of LSAT prep.
I really hadn't thought about the law or law school as a career option before. Now I keep running into people saying, 'oh, that sounds like you,' or finding out other people don't read Supreme Court opinions for fun. It makes me feel tentatively optimistic about the way my life hasn't really run to plan the last decade, if it led me to someplace, finally, where things feel like they're coming together. When I've had other career ideas - forestry grad school, engineering, just to name a few - I haven't really wanted to research or talk about them, or figure out how I'd fund graduate school or if it would be worthwhile. Law school feels like a (very expensive) present I could give myself. Even studying for the LSATs feels like a present. I really enjoyed the constitutional law and logic classes I took in summer camp as a kid. (Shouldn't my focus on the humanities track at summer camp have told me something? It didn't.) LSAT logic problems, and even the reading comprehension questions which are my least favorite, feel like climbing the mountains of human reason, to reach the icy, pristine peaks of pure thought. The baby versions of the sort of writing you see in a really good Supreme Court decision.
I've had friends who told me they didn't like politics, which translates to me as not really liking people, humanity, very much. Perhaps it's the same part of me that loves cats that likes people. We're awful, cruel animals, and we build such amazing things. Out of instinct and chaos we build cathedrals and democracies and really funny comic novels. From constant imperfection we build beauty. I love it. I love watching laws being made, the sausage, as some people call it. Compromise, lack of compromise, conflict, honor and deceit.... Glory.
I've gotten myself off on a tangent! What else has been going on? I've been catching up at work with the help of How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life, which I just finished, and Getting Things Done, which I've just started. I'm going to need to take a few levels in willpower and time management if I'm going to succeed at law school. I've been doing a lot of aikido, and my bokken just arrived from the woodworking shop and it is the most beautiful thing. My very own wooden sword! I never thought I'd see the day. Two things come to mind immediately, maybe three: I am going to take such good care of it, one step closer to preparing for the zombie apocalypse, and one step closer to being able to write a fight scene in my fiction without cringing at my lack of expertise. I've also been swimming a lot, and even went to a swim meet on Friday for an hour. The local swimming coach is also my childhood swimming instructor, and he is the best. I have been thinking of him as my swimming sensei, because I am beginning to parse the meaning of sensei outside of the literal translation as teacher.
I've been using a lot of new metaphors for my ongoing mental organization and life reorganization, but a few include the RPG version, taking points in Intelligence and Willpower from studying and sticking to my commitments and Strength, Constitution and Dexterity from aikido. Charisma's an open question, but I've been trying to brush up on my appearance and be more confident and open in my speech. One thing at a time. Another metaphor I've been using is of myself at work as an exercise in riding, with me and a pony version of me. The pony version of me is a Shetland pony, and doesn't like surprises and needs to be handled in order to get work out of her. A third is having a mental office where I keep my project data, including the worries and all, in neat folders and shelves, so that they don't just fall in a mental heap of yelling. Previously I've just had a treasure room, which is for memory and skills and religious purposes, but I need a bit of a more practical metaphor. It's all very well to have your memories and plans stored on papyrus scrolls, but it's hard to visualize working on them.
I'm beginning to replace some of my common recurring thoughts with more useful or intelligible ones. For instance, I now have 'am I making the best use of my time?' Another example is 'I can't be here,' which I've translated into the verbal version of an emotion, and that emotion is feeling overwhelmed. Closing my eyes and doing things to reduce stimulation make the emotion less intrusive. It feels a little strange, like suddenly wearing shoes with support after wearing ancient worn-out shoes for a few years, or getting new glasses. Things are coming into focus. It's not bad - it's the opposite of bad - but it is different, and more than occasionally weird.
I took a free online practice exam on Saturday afternoon, and since then have been following a brisk study schedule of an hour a day, currently with a day off on Sunday, and a practice exam every Saturday afternoon. Yesterday was my third practice exam, which makes this the start of Week Three of LSAT prep.
I really hadn't thought about the law or law school as a career option before. Now I keep running into people saying, 'oh, that sounds like you,' or finding out other people don't read Supreme Court opinions for fun. It makes me feel tentatively optimistic about the way my life hasn't really run to plan the last decade, if it led me to someplace, finally, where things feel like they're coming together. When I've had other career ideas - forestry grad school, engineering, just to name a few - I haven't really wanted to research or talk about them, or figure out how I'd fund graduate school or if it would be worthwhile. Law school feels like a (very expensive) present I could give myself. Even studying for the LSATs feels like a present. I really enjoyed the constitutional law and logic classes I took in summer camp as a kid. (Shouldn't my focus on the humanities track at summer camp have told me something? It didn't.) LSAT logic problems, and even the reading comprehension questions which are my least favorite, feel like climbing the mountains of human reason, to reach the icy, pristine peaks of pure thought. The baby versions of the sort of writing you see in a really good Supreme Court decision.
I've had friends who told me they didn't like politics, which translates to me as not really liking people, humanity, very much. Perhaps it's the same part of me that loves cats that likes people. We're awful, cruel animals, and we build such amazing things. Out of instinct and chaos we build cathedrals and democracies and really funny comic novels. From constant imperfection we build beauty. I love it. I love watching laws being made, the sausage, as some people call it. Compromise, lack of compromise, conflict, honor and deceit.... Glory.
I've gotten myself off on a tangent! What else has been going on? I've been catching up at work with the help of How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life, which I just finished, and Getting Things Done, which I've just started. I'm going to need to take a few levels in willpower and time management if I'm going to succeed at law school. I've been doing a lot of aikido, and my bokken just arrived from the woodworking shop and it is the most beautiful thing. My very own wooden sword! I never thought I'd see the day. Two things come to mind immediately, maybe three: I am going to take such good care of it, one step closer to preparing for the zombie apocalypse, and one step closer to being able to write a fight scene in my fiction without cringing at my lack of expertise. I've also been swimming a lot, and even went to a swim meet on Friday for an hour. The local swimming coach is also my childhood swimming instructor, and he is the best. I have been thinking of him as my swimming sensei, because I am beginning to parse the meaning of sensei outside of the literal translation as teacher.
I've been using a lot of new metaphors for my ongoing mental organization and life reorganization, but a few include the RPG version, taking points in Intelligence and Willpower from studying and sticking to my commitments and Strength, Constitution and Dexterity from aikido. Charisma's an open question, but I've been trying to brush up on my appearance and be more confident and open in my speech. One thing at a time. Another metaphor I've been using is of myself at work as an exercise in riding, with me and a pony version of me. The pony version of me is a Shetland pony, and doesn't like surprises and needs to be handled in order to get work out of her. A third is having a mental office where I keep my project data, including the worries and all, in neat folders and shelves, so that they don't just fall in a mental heap of yelling. Previously I've just had a treasure room, which is for memory and skills and religious purposes, but I need a bit of a more practical metaphor. It's all very well to have your memories and plans stored on papyrus scrolls, but it's hard to visualize working on them.
I'm beginning to replace some of my common recurring thoughts with more useful or intelligible ones. For instance, I now have 'am I making the best use of my time?' Another example is 'I can't be here,' which I've translated into the verbal version of an emotion, and that emotion is feeling overwhelmed. Closing my eyes and doing things to reduce stimulation make the emotion less intrusive. It feels a little strange, like suddenly wearing shoes with support after wearing ancient worn-out shoes for a few years, or getting new glasses. Things are coming into focus. It's not bad - it's the opposite of bad - but it is different, and more than occasionally weird.