Two days ago I'd been dropped into Wesley's life, a shadow of my former self in every sense of the word. I'd been dead. The Powers had told me that my work wasn't finished, that someone down here had needed saving. I hadn't figured on it being Wesley
( ... )
And once again, hoping against hope. Would she buy it? I doubted that. But would she let me get away with it as she usually did? Maybe. She’d been more lenient about that then she had been with Gunn and specifically Angel. Probably because it was just me. And I don’t mean that in the sense that it as ‘just’ me. But in the sense that she knew me far to well to know when to push and when not. But she also know me far, far to well to know she sometimes had to push when every signal I gave out screamed at her to stop
( ... )
In one form or another, I'd used this speech on all the guys in my life. Gunn, Angel... Now Wes. It felt strange now, pushing here. I'd always promised not to and, fine, maybe I hadn't said that out loud but it wasn't a promise I'd made to Wes, per se.
It was a promise I'd made every time he'd walked away from a phone call with his parents. A promise I'd made every time he lapsed and actually begun talking about his childhood.
I'd promised that I wouldn't push.
Of course, I'd promised not to push about Connor. Couldn't, because I was selfish and already had enough things to feel guilty over. This was different. Wes kept insisting he was fine, that he didn't need saving. But I could read him like a book.
Wes and I weren't the same people we were yesterday, or the day before. I wasn't pushing him to be mean, I was pushing him because we needed to talk about this. Scratch that. He needed to talk about this. He needed to know that it was okay to fall apart, no matter what he thought.
What the hell does she want me to say here? What does she want me to do? She keeps on pushing and pushing and… I can’t. I’ve never told anyone before about my childhood Or the many, many failure’s I’ve made in my life. They just kept adding up and adding up. Starting from the day I was born no doubt. If it wasn’t my father telling me, reminding me what a failure I was, it was someone else. Giles, Buffy, Faith, Angel, Gunn, Fred… Cordelia. But she wanted me to ‘talk’ about it
( ... )
“I didn’t force you to wear flannel, I would have been perfectly happy if you’d gone around naked.”
I burst out laughing when Wesley said that. I was so surprised he'd admitted it that I couldn't do much else - least of all be indignant about the fact that he liked me being naked.
“I can’t believe I said that,” he muttered, clearing his throat.
"Me either," I giggled, wiping very different tears from my eyes this time. God, I loved him. It was weird to go from the very crushing kind of heartbreak to laughter five minutes later... But it had always been like that, hadn't it? We'd learned to make ourselves smile no matter how much things hurt. It was... It was what we did.
“Anyway, I’ll try to be… whomever I am. For you, alright? I just want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to that you can come to me as well.”I grew a little more serious then and leaned forward, brushing my lips against his again. "I know, Wesley," I said softly, "I always have. And trust me, if I ever need someone? You'll be the first I run
( ... )
From tear to laughter, it was an amazing ability, but it was one I only had with Cordelia. I could never stay angry with her for long. Not even when she’d never came to me when Angel had cast his verdict and declared me the betrayer of all betrayers. Oh I had been angry with her, angrier then I’d ever been before. But my anger at her was long gone before I even considered not being angry at the rest anymore. I’ve no idea why, but now that I had all the facts, I knew. Deep down I had known something was wrong with Cordelia and I didn’t have to guts to do something about it
( ... )
I didn't blame him for not wanting to leave quite yet. Our plan had been to come here, get some stuff and get gone. His little breakdown hadn't exactly been set in stone until I'd pushed.
"I could always drive us," I offered, "But since you wince every time I turn a corner in your precious car, I'd say you've been through enough for one night." I smiled slightly when I said that. He was nowhere near Angel in the being anal retentive over his car stakes, but he was getting there.
“Do you want to take a shower first?”
I shook my head. "I'm okay, Wes. I had one this morning, remember?" My cheeks warmed slightly as I said that. I'd offer to shower with him but, uhm, yeah... Showering? Wasn't exactly top priority when you were in it with someone else.
"You go," I smiled, dropping a kiss on his forehead, "I'll see if I can find us something to eat from somewhere-- And DON'T say you're not hungry. You're eating." I told him firmly.
Did I remember her taking a shower this morning? Did I ever, good lord. And yes, there was that stupid goofy smile sliding on my face as I recalled our ‘shower’. Though, we did get cleaned up. Eventually. There was something about that shower that was nagging in the back of my mind, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. So I left it, though that would usually annoy me until I figured it out. I had far more important things to worry about
( ... )
I blinked when I noticed how much she had managed to stow away. I don’t remember Cordelia ever eating this much. I guess it’s the whole coma deal and being on a liquid diet. If it were me, I may actually do the same, but it was still rather amusing if not disconcerting to watch. At least she’d slowed down somewhat, I really had not the energy to perform the Heimlich maneuver. She must’ve eaten something from nearly every box. No, I take that back, she *has* eaten something from every box. Expect mine, but only because I was hogging it
( ... )
I started to pack up the food as Wes was heading towards the bedroom, still picking from a couple of the boxes. If I ate too much more my stomach would probably start to protest but for now? I was pretty content.
I popped the last bit of chicken into my mouth and sealed the box up, grinning as Wesley turned back to me.
“Would I do such a thing? If I’d were into revenge, I’d have you wear a pretty nightgown with those nice frillies and rushes.”
"Eww!" I called after him, smiling to myself. Not in this lifetime would Wes ever see me in one of those things. Something way sexy from Victoria's Secret? Maybe - although it wasn't like I'd be wearing it for long if he had his way. But-- Frills? Eww and double eww. Again, not in this lifetime.
I busied myself putting the boxes of food in his refrigerator, removing the blue cheese while holding my nose. If we were hungry - and the chances were, I probably would be - we could open up the Chinese takeout again tomorrow - smelling icky blue cheese all over it was not my idea of fun
( ... )
I must’ve dozed off because I’d not heard her come into the room. Lifting my head from the really comfortable pillow, I blinked at her sleepily and frowned. Freezing to death? Was that an option in California? Well, yes it was. I’d found that out the hard way when I’d just breezed into town all those years ago. A lifetime ago. God, amazing how things can change so fast. It wasn’t *really* all that long ago
( ... )
The look on Wes' face when he realised I'd managed to find probably his only sweatshirt was priceless. Maybe he'd forgotten over the years or whatever but I was the biggest snoop around - had only found that video of Doyle back in Angel's penthouse when I'd been left alone all that time.
He moved up when I told him that freezing to death wasn't in my plans that week and I grinned, pulling the covers up around us as I nestled into his side, his arm sliding right around my waist.
“G’night love,” he murmured, pressing his lips against mine. I kissed him for a moment, laying my hand protectively on his arm
( ... )
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It was a promise I'd made every time he'd walked away from a phone call with his parents. A promise I'd made every time he lapsed and actually begun talking about his childhood.
I'd promised that I wouldn't push.
Of course, I'd promised not to push about Connor. Couldn't, because I was selfish and already had enough things to feel guilty over. This was different. Wes kept insisting he was fine, that he didn't need saving. But I could read him like a book.
Wes and I weren't the same people we were yesterday, or the day before. I wasn't pushing him to be mean, I was pushing him because we needed to talk about this. Scratch that. He needed to talk about this. He needed to know that it was okay to fall apart, no matter what he thought.
“Well then, if I don’t get a choice ( ... )
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I burst out laughing when Wesley said that. I was so surprised he'd admitted it that I couldn't do much else - least of all be indignant about the fact that he liked me being naked.
“I can’t believe I said that,” he muttered, clearing his throat.
"Me either," I giggled, wiping very different tears from my eyes this time. God, I loved him. It was weird to go from the very crushing kind of heartbreak to laughter five minutes later... But it had always been like that, hadn't it? We'd learned to make ourselves smile no matter how much things hurt. It was... It was what we did.
“Anyway, I’ll try to be… whomever I am. For you, alright? I just want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to that you can come to me as well.”I grew a little more serious then and leaned forward, brushing my lips against his again. "I know, Wesley," I said softly, "I always have. And trust me, if I ever need someone? You'll be the first I run ( ... )
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"I could always drive us," I offered, "But since you wince every time I turn a corner in your precious car, I'd say you've been through enough for one night." I smiled slightly when I said that. He was nowhere near Angel in the being anal retentive over his car stakes, but he was getting there.
“Do you want to take a shower first?”
I shook my head. "I'm okay, Wes. I had one this morning, remember?" My cheeks warmed slightly as I said that. I'd offer to shower with him but, uhm, yeah... Showering? Wasn't exactly top priority when you were in it with someone else.
"You go," I smiled, dropping a kiss on his forehead, "I'll see if I can find us something to eat from somewhere-- And DON'T say you're not hungry. You're eating." I told him firmly.
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I popped the last bit of chicken into my mouth and sealed the box up, grinning as Wesley turned back to me.
“Would I do such a thing? If I’d were into revenge, I’d have you wear a pretty nightgown with those nice frillies and rushes.”
"Eww!" I called after him, smiling to myself. Not in this lifetime would Wes ever see me in one of those things. Something way sexy from Victoria's Secret? Maybe - although it wasn't like I'd be wearing it for long if he had his way. But-- Frills? Eww and double eww. Again, not in this lifetime.
I busied myself putting the boxes of food in his refrigerator, removing the blue cheese while holding my nose. If we were hungry - and the chances were, I probably would be - we could open up the Chinese takeout again tomorrow - smelling icky blue cheese all over it was not my idea of fun ( ... )
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He moved up when I told him that freezing to death wasn't in my plans that week and I grinned, pulling the covers up around us as I nestled into his side, his arm sliding right around my waist.
“G’night love,” he murmured, pressing his lips against mine. I kissed him for a moment, laying my hand protectively on his arm ( ... )
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