a stoner's fairy tale
Once upon a time, in the magical kingdom of Boulder, there lived two trolls, Bob and Brad. They were passing the time one morning after eating some magic beans, enjoying the pretty colors, when they decided to smoke some of the fairy grass native to the kingdom. Alas, once they had rolled their magic tube, they realized they had no wand with which to light it, and no money to buy a new one, having spent it all on the magic beans and fairy grass.
Bob, being a troll, knew just what to do: he and Brad would lie in wait underneath a nearby bridge, and set upon any passersby, demanding gold or a goat to allow safe passage. Brad, being rather bright as trolls go, reminded Bob that the local wizard (dressed in green and living in the Castle of Seveneleven) wouldn't accept gold or goats as payment for a new wand. So Bob agreed to demand a single King's dollar as payment.
They collected their battered clubs and set off for the bridge, and waited underneath it. As peasants approached the bridge, Bob jumped out in front of them, demanding a dollar for passage. Most just ignored him, or turned away. Frustrated, Bob demanded that Brad stab the peasants as punishment for their insolence. But being trolls, they had naught but blunt weapons at their disposal.
Bob had almost given up until a plainly-dressed young man happened along the path. Bob brandished his club and demanded a dollar. The young man, however, was no peasant; he was a brave knight in the service of the king. Despite wearing no armor and carrying no weapons, he grabbed one of the trolls' clubs and beat Bob into submission until the King's Guard arrived.
Bob unnecessarily admitted to being a troll and falsely claimed to own the bridge, which we all know belongs to the King. Brad insisted they weren't trolls, and that his friend was merely disoriented by the bright colors induced by the magic beans. They were carted away by the King's Guard to the dungeon, where they languished for a long time, or at least until their mothers (who strangely enough, insisted they weren't trolls either) delivered sufficient gold to the King to secure their release.
Our tale is almost ended, except for one detail: the knights searched Brad's pouch and found the magic tube which the trolls had been so desperate to light. It was made from two crisp dollar bills.
Seriously, you can't make this shit up.
Bob, being a troll, knew just what to do: he and Brad would lie in wait underneath a nearby bridge, and set upon any passersby, demanding gold or a goat to allow safe passage. Brad, being rather bright as trolls go, reminded Bob that the local wizard (dressed in green and living in the Castle of Seveneleven) wouldn't accept gold or goats as payment for a new wand. So Bob agreed to demand a single King's dollar as payment.
They collected their battered clubs and set off for the bridge, and waited underneath it. As peasants approached the bridge, Bob jumped out in front of them, demanding a dollar for passage. Most just ignored him, or turned away. Frustrated, Bob demanded that Brad stab the peasants as punishment for their insolence. But being trolls, they had naught but blunt weapons at their disposal.
Bob had almost given up until a plainly-dressed young man happened along the path. Bob brandished his club and demanded a dollar. The young man, however, was no peasant; he was a brave knight in the service of the king. Despite wearing no armor and carrying no weapons, he grabbed one of the trolls' clubs and beat Bob into submission until the King's Guard arrived.
Bob unnecessarily admitted to being a troll and falsely claimed to own the bridge, which we all know belongs to the King. Brad insisted they weren't trolls, and that his friend was merely disoriented by the bright colors induced by the magic beans. They were carted away by the King's Guard to the dungeon, where they languished for a long time, or at least until their mothers (who strangely enough, insisted they weren't trolls either) delivered sufficient gold to the King to secure their release.
Our tale is almost ended, except for one detail: the knights searched Brad's pouch and found the magic tube which the trolls had been so desperate to light. It was made from two crisp dollar bills.
Seriously, you can't make this shit up.