Happy New Year

[clover_brush]

Title: Happy New Year
Fandom/Original: Original
Pairing(s): None
Rating: PG-13
Warning(s): Suicide and mild language.
Summary: When my body is revealed to her, she would break down. Her aged hand would fly to her painted lips and she would begin to choke on a sob.
NotesThis was actually a second idea that I had for a New Year's one-shot. I had

Comments

[domestic_hooker]

♥
Really moving.

.unknown.eyes.

[pyrrhic_battles]

Overall I liked this. I liked the idea of it, and the way that you structured it. I'll just nitpick a few things really quickly, I swear.

Deciding it’s nothing of importance, she jumps off the couch and removes himself from blocking my view.

Himself? This is a female cat, no?

...but I’m afraid a reminder like that would have come too late. I’ll be cold by the time it reaches me...

The "would have" seems really out of place here. Perhaps it's just me, but I'd replace it with "will".

Her hand aged hand...

???

She would have demanded the coroner to know my cause of death...

This makes it sound like she's demanding that he know it, not demanding that he share it, which might be what you were going for anyway. You may smite me if that's the case.

She’d protest that I was a happy child, even when my father died at the age of thirty-four when I was only nine, I managed to keep smiling.

This needs some kind of break, somewhere. It's a run-on, and I don't see it as being a stylistic move.

My hand has released the near-empty bottles

[ryuuie_mizishi]

Deep. :3 I liked it.