why am I like this???

[cloudlvr]

I lost it again. I cut today, twice on my arms. I did it before work. What's crazy is that I don't even have a reason to why I did it. I just did. I haven't been like this in a very long time. It's weird. But oh well. They aren't real deep though, but I am so afraid that my mom is gonna see the cuts. I have been wearing my sweatshirt all day and I plan on wearing the long sleeves tomorrow and the next to school. I have gym class though and we are running tomorrow and I am gonna be wearing a t-shirt. Why don't I ever think about things before I do em'?? I hate it. It's like I have no brain and I am just one big ole screw up and don't deserve to live. I really don't! People think that I'm a freak because of what I do and I am so sick and tired of it. I hate people looking down on me like I am a piece of crap or a freak. I hate life. It sucks.

I'm gonna go now cause now I'm just rambling on and on endlessly so I'm outty.