Wedding etiquette
Weddings seem to continuously evolve along with modern society and bring on new forms. What was the norm 20 years ago might be considered passe or even downright rude. Sure, there are traditions, but according to an interesting book I'm reading, One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding by Rebecca Mead (fantastic look at the wedding industry, by the way), what are considered traditions are often relatively young (the bride wearing white didn't become the norm until the 50s or so, unity candles sprang up in the 70s, etc.) and appear from various sources from personal inventions, bridal magazines, TV shows, etc. There's a lot of freedom in what you can put in your ceremony, yet there are a number of norms that are expected to be followed if you don't want people to look at you funny. Problem is, these norms change rapidly.
I'm rambling, so I'll get right to the point:
What's the best way to go about wedding gifts without seeming like a jerk?
The usual thing to do is to ask for a bunch of random household goods on a registry in some store or another. (Never mind that as recently as the 1940s, it was considered low class to ask for random household goods at a wedding (according to the book) but the norm has firmly changed.) Problem is, we're both in our 30s and have been living on our own for quite some time now, so we're pretty set for day to day living things.
So, do we scour the lists of things Target sells and try to scrape together a registry based on things we don't have? My worry here is that we won't be able to think of things other than silver-plated turnip twaddlers or somesuch which would never ever get used.
Do we create a registry based on random non-household things we'd actually want? Here I'm thinking things like makeup or DVDs or clothes or the Rock Band stage kit (colored lights, a strobe light, a fog machine and a bottle of liquid fog, woo hoo!). But would people get offended that we ask for frivolous things? Then again, silver-plated turnip twaddlers sound pretty frivolous to me too, but it's part of the accepted wedding culture.
Do we not have a registry at all, and just happily accept whatever random things people give us? I kind of like this option since I love surprises, and that making a registry makes me feel a bit like a greedy bastard. But are registries so accepted that to not do one is rude? Will people then stress out not knowing whether or not three other people buy, say, Venture Bros.-related stuff? (When I graduated from college all my friends independently got me Pinky and the Brain-related stuff, without planning on it. That was actually pretty cool.)
Do we ask for cash? It seems cash or gift cards are increasingly common Christmas gifts, but it just seems a bit rude to ask for that, plus it robs people of the ability to customize their gift if they'd like.
Do we ask for contributions to a honeymoon fund? This was actually suggested to us by Vickie's travel agent, and on the surface of things sounds like a decent idea. But the "is cash tacky" thing still comes into play, along with possibly making guests feel like we're rubbing our vacation plans in their faces when there's a downturn on.
Do we tell people not to give us gifts, and instead make a donation to some charity? The doofy do-gooder in me likes this, but people might feel obligated to do this AND get us a gift since it's expected, and then feel pressure to spend more than they'd rather.
Do we sidestep the whole gift thing and just elope? No, because then I wouldn't be able to have yummy yummy wedding cake. Seriously, Diana Cortez of Signature Cakes makes the best freaking cake we've ever tasted, and that's one of the things I'm most looking forward to. Um, other than marrying the woman of my dreams, of course.
I'm rambling, so I'll get right to the point:
What's the best way to go about wedding gifts without seeming like a jerk?
The usual thing to do is to ask for a bunch of random household goods on a registry in some store or another. (Never mind that as recently as the 1940s, it was considered low class to ask for random household goods at a wedding (according to the book) but the norm has firmly changed.) Problem is, we're both in our 30s and have been living on our own for quite some time now, so we're pretty set for day to day living things.
So, do we scour the lists of things Target sells and try to scrape together a registry based on things we don't have? My worry here is that we won't be able to think of things other than silver-plated turnip twaddlers or somesuch which would never ever get used.
Do we create a registry based on random non-household things we'd actually want? Here I'm thinking things like makeup or DVDs or clothes or the Rock Band stage kit (colored lights, a strobe light, a fog machine and a bottle of liquid fog, woo hoo!). But would people get offended that we ask for frivolous things? Then again, silver-plated turnip twaddlers sound pretty frivolous to me too, but it's part of the accepted wedding culture.
Do we not have a registry at all, and just happily accept whatever random things people give us? I kind of like this option since I love surprises, and that making a registry makes me feel a bit like a greedy bastard. But are registries so accepted that to not do one is rude? Will people then stress out not knowing whether or not three other people buy, say, Venture Bros.-related stuff? (When I graduated from college all my friends independently got me Pinky and the Brain-related stuff, without planning on it. That was actually pretty cool.)
Do we ask for cash? It seems cash or gift cards are increasingly common Christmas gifts, but it just seems a bit rude to ask for that, plus it robs people of the ability to customize their gift if they'd like.
Do we ask for contributions to a honeymoon fund? This was actually suggested to us by Vickie's travel agent, and on the surface of things sounds like a decent idea. But the "is cash tacky" thing still comes into play, along with possibly making guests feel like we're rubbing our vacation plans in their faces when there's a downturn on.
Do we tell people not to give us gifts, and instead make a donation to some charity? The doofy do-gooder in me likes this, but people might feel obligated to do this AND get us a gift since it's expected, and then feel pressure to spend more than they'd rather.
Do we sidestep the whole gift thing and just elope? No, because then I wouldn't be able to have yummy yummy wedding cake. Seriously, Diana Cortez of Signature Cakes makes the best freaking cake we've ever tasted, and that's one of the things I'm most looking forward to. Um, other than marrying the woman of my dreams, of course.